jdog Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 It's been a while since posting about how I am doing. I thought I would just release some of my thoughts in writing. Well it has been several months since I left the church, deconverted, in fact it was around when I first joined Ex-c. I have not returned to church, or had any inclination to return, at christmas I had a brief thought of attending a service. I suppose the tradition of going, then I had flash backs of what the services consist of, and I realised it would also be the height of hypocrisy, so a quick reality check and that feeling soon left. I unfortunately do not know how to tell a couple of christian people I know to leave me alone about my spiritual welfare. If they want to visit me and just say hi without any ulterior motive then fine. But sadly it seems they cannot do that, and I have not the guts to speak up. I have not been completely straight with them, like I have with husband and other friends, those who are not really concerned with religion. I suppose I do not want to hurt their feelings, they are an older couple, who have been very nice to me, and seemed to be genuinely sincere about befriending me. But it seems that they are more concerned about my lacking faith and belief. They think I still have the holy spirit, and I am just going through a dry spell, etc. They still prayed for me when i was with them, I did not object, I suppose I did not want to upset them yet again. And with the prayers, I really did not feel anything, other than a heat of guilt going through me, I had thoughts that I was upsetting god, and he is angry with me. So with these people who periodically visit, one couple and a pastor I knew. I am not very good with confrontation and being assertive in some things. This being one of them. So I have been putting up with it, which you may say is pretty stupid especially after their visits I am restless and pissed off. I have been having difficulty with anxiety and depression, I still am on medication, and I am actually about to begin therapy soon. My mental health was not at it's best form even prior to my christian obsession, I have had problems off and on for many years. It just escalated ten fold when I started to get deep into the belief system. I recently read somewhere that people who have OCD or anxiety disorders, do not fair well if they are actively christian or catholic, that the two are not a healthy mix for the person. Well that is me exactly. One visit that I want to quickly vent about, was from the lady of the couple, she turned up unexpected on my doorstep, I at the time had a friend over, we were having coffee and a fun chat. I actually hesitated prior to inviting the 'nice' lady in, because I know how she usually cannot avoid talking about jesus or god, but I honestly thought (silly me) that no way would she start on it while I had guests. Not so! After the initial introduction and happy greeting, bringing the lady a cup of coffee, she went straight for my friend and asked what church she went to, what her belief was and so on. WTF. But cowardly me, just couldn't speak up and say in my home. Thankfully my friend, handled the conversation very well. In fact after just mentioning that she was catholic . A fundy christian and a catholic, it was funny. Just to add, my friend was brought up catholic, so claims that, but she is not active in the religion, she has her own version of what she believes and is a very cool person to spend time with and religion is not an issue between us. Anyhow, the lady then asked about my family and stupid me mentioned about my sister getting married, and so I got the third degree about that, she even asked if they were living together. It was bad. I couldn't believe how rude she was becoming. My friend then spoke up and said 'you know they say that there are three subjects that ought not be discussed and that is religion, politics and sex'. It was said in a jokey kind of tone, I am sure she could sense the awkwardness of the situation and that I was feeling a bit embarrassed. At least one of us had the nerve to say something and divert the conversation to more normal things. My friend also asked the lady if she had any hobbies, what interests she had. All she could say was 'churchy things' It was sad to see that this lady had lost herself. Everything revolved around serving god, living, sleeping it. Anyhow, after everyone left. I went to visit my friend and apologised for the religious inquisition. We ended up laughing about it, she said that she wanted to say soooooooooo much more, but held her tongue. Anyway, this is where I am right now, I need to be a bit more bolder and just tell these folk out right, I no longer believe, there is nothing left in me that wants to return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Hello jdog, I am glad you are going to begin therapy soon and I hope it helps you to stop beating up on yourself. You really do not need to feel obliged to explain yourself to these Christian people, who are really not your friends. A real friend accepts you as you are. If you cannot confront them face to face, maybe consider writing them a letter. You write very well. Simply say you do not want to discuss religion with them. Don't go into details with them about what you think about Christianity. The other friend you mention (who was there when the "nice" Christian lady intruded), sounds like a true friend to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted January 31, 2009 Super Moderator Share Posted January 31, 2009 Ditto Diva. Friends love you for who you really are, most Christians love a brother or sister in Christ - but not real people. Honesty is almost always best. I wouldn't tell a 90 year old grandma just to break her heart, but otherwise I wouldn't lie and pretend for anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Just a thought, but how is your husband with confrontation? Would he enjoy the chance to be your knight-in-shining-armor and give these people an ass-whoopin'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdog Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 You all have been kind, thank you Deva, Florduh and Graphicsguy, Very true comments from you all. I really would like to gather up enough courage to tell these people myself. I want to do it. I am hoping with a couple of sessions of therapy I may be able to do the confrontation. It is one of my issues, not speaking up for myself. I want to get my point across but not be rude. I think what you suggested Deva is along those lines, face to face though, not by letter. I think my husband would actually enjoy jumping to my aid, but he respects the fact that I want to do this myself. Thanks all. I will report back when the deed is done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric_PK Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 You all have been kind, thank you Deva, Florduh and Graphicsguy,Very true comments from you all. I really would like to gather up enough courage to tell these people myself. I want to do it. I am hoping with a couple of sessions of therapy I may be able to do the confrontation. It is one of my issues, not speaking up for myself. I want to get my point across but not be rude. I think what you suggested Deva is along those lines, face to face though, not by letter. I think my husband would actually enjoy jumping to my aid, but he respects the fact that I want to do this myself. Thanks all. I will report back when the deed is done. This sort of thing is never easy to do, because you are willing to act nicely and the person you are dealing with is not. I wish you luck at getting your point across without being rude, but there are some situations where rudeness is the only solution. So, if it comes to that, don't beat yourself up for being forced to act in a way you would rather not. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 At least one of us had the nerve to say something and divert the conversation to more normal things. My friend also asked the lady if she had any hobbies, what interests she had. All she could say was 'churchy things' It was sad to see that this lady had lost herself. Everything revolved around serving god, living, sleeping it. I don't know if this works but it's a suggestion if you don't want a confrontation. Let her talk herself out then talk about something else. Don't respond to her jesus talk. If she does some more jesus talk, let her talk again but once more talk about the weather or your kids or how to make the best tea in the world. Eventually, she will be the one who confronts you. Then you can say, "Remember what [name of your other friend] said? There's some things we don't talk about. Religion is one of them." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Give yourself some credit jdog. You had TWO guests, and you were clearly able to see how rude one was being, because of the more stable presence of the other, and you know you don't want to put up with that rudeness anymore. You may not have come to that realization so clearly so long as this rude woman was visiting you alone, you would simply continue to tolerate her treatment of you, so long as no one ELSE wound up being a "victim". Now if anything, you need to recognize that your feelings are just as worthy of protection as you knew your other guest's were...and you are on the way to taking steps in that direction because you clearly SAW what was going on in that visit! So good for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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