Guest lenbitme Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Well, it's been a little over a year since my de-conversion, and though I know in my gut that Christianity is false, I find myself slipping back into old fearful thought patterns. Anyone else haunted by their past? Especially after a long period of time? I'm sure it has to do with my tendencies toward anxiety and depression, but it feels very real and frightening. I won't ever go back to Christianity, but there's a part of me that's afraid I'll return to the old flawed logic and routine thought patterns that kept me enslaved in the first place. Help? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaturalSelection Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Well, it's been a little over a year since my de-conversion, and though I know in my gut that Christianity is false, I find myself slipping back into old fearful thought patterns. Anyone else haunted by their past? Especially after a long period of time? I'm sure it has to do with my tendencies toward anxiety and depression, but it feels very real and frightening. I won't ever go back to Christianity, but there's a part of me that's afraid I'll return to the old flawed logic and routine thought patterns that kept me enslaved in the first place. Help? The only thing I worry about as far as that goes is that I'll get alzheimers and mentally "slide back" into that period of my life...not remembering my deconversion or the reasons why. I sure hope that doesn't happen. As long as I'm in a healthy mental state the only thing that will haunt me is the anger at being indoctrinated and allowing myself to be indoctrinated for decades. -- I think over time those fearful thought patterns you're having will subside and you may find that you suffer less from anxiety and depression even though I'm beginning to think that anxiety and depression are normal for most people to a point....probably has something to do with the way the body is made up...hormones, aging, etc plus very real things going on in your life...that you can't always control. I know I'm suseptible to both especially during the winter. I've been much better since I left christianity but when I take anti-depressents I feel great! So I do think there's a chemical thing going on in a lot of people's bodies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted February 25, 2009 Super Moderator Share Posted February 25, 2009 A year is not much time to recover completely from cult indoctrination. Don't be discouraged. While you're in the frame of mind, you could try one more prayer: "God, I beg you for a sign. Anything. I wasn't born with endless faith - you must give it to me. I'm struggling to understand. Please help me." Maybe when there's no answer this time, you will be another big step toward recovery from the delusion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeker630 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Well, it's been a little over a year since my de-conversion, and though I know in my gut that Christianity is false, I find myself slipping back into old fearful thought patterns. Anyone else haunted by their past? Especially after a long period of time? I'm sure it has to do with my tendencies toward anxiety and depression, but it feels very real and frightening. I won't ever go back to Christianity, but there's a part of me that's afraid I'll return to the old flawed logic and routine thought patterns that kept me enslaved in the first place. Help? As florduh has already pointed out, a year is nothing for most people. You were indoctrinated for 18 years according to your profile. Take a deep breath and expect more of the same for at least a while. I was a cradle Catholic. I de-converted at about the age of 44-45. I am now 59. I am still uncomfortable stepping into a Catholic church. It will probably never quite go away entirely, even though I've long forgotten most of the liturgy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloWorld Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 A year is not much time to recover completely from cult indoctrination. Don't be discouraged. While you're in the frame of mind, you could try one more prayer: "God, I beg you for a sign. Anything. I wasn't born with endless faith - you must give it to me. I'm struggling to understand. Please help me." Maybe when there's no answer this time, you will be another big step toward recovery from the delusion. Problem with this is that if you are one of those people who looked for signs in everything, you might be inclined to think ANYTHING and everything unusual you see to be a sign. Yeah, I don't think I would trust myself to say that prayer to get the results you suggest. In my case, it would do more harm than good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted February 26, 2009 Super Moderator Share Posted February 26, 2009 In my case, it would do more harm than good. Sorry. I didn't know it was that bad. After a last desperate effort to get God to answer, and he doesn't, you can be satisfied that you tried your best and there was no god there in the first place. But if you want so badly to see something that isn't there, you might benefit from studying the intellectual arguments some more. Eventually what you know with your rational mind gets embraced at the emotional level. It takes time. Don't beat yourself up over it. You'll get there. All the best to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curious Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Well, it's been a little over a year since my de-conversion, and though I know in my gut that Christianity is false, I find myself slipping back into old fearful thought patterns. Anyone else haunted by their past? Especially after a long period of time? I'm sure it has to do with my tendencies toward anxiety and depression, but it feels very real and frightening. I won't ever go back to Christianity, but there's a part of me that's afraid I'll return to the old flawed logic and routine thought patterns that kept me enslaved in the first place. Help? I struggle with being afraid that my routine thought patterns and programmed ways of responding to things will keep me forever enslaved. I too am very often frightened and almost in a state of panic at times. I have been just trying to flood my mind with new information...new information about everything...especially all the things I was ever told I should never go near. I just think knowledge is the answer to fear. The reason hell keeps popping into my mind I think is because it was repeated to me over and over for 20 years. I can't expect to fill all that space with new knowledge in a short amount of time....might take years to get all the crap out of our heads. I have been reading a lot lately about how the story of christ came about and it has done a lot to solidify my belief that god does not exist. The more I am able to fully accept god doesn't exist, I am more able to realize hell is a creation of god who doesn't exist. I don't know. I'm in my own pit of despair and don't really have advice....just wanted you to know you are not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Yes, I'm haunted. I'm haunted by all the time, energy, and guilt wasted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lenbitme Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 A year is not much time to recover completely from cult indoctrination. Don't be discouraged. While you're in the frame of mind, you could try one more prayer: "God, I beg you for a sign. Anything. I wasn't born with endless faith - you must give it to me. I'm struggling to understand. Please help me." Maybe when there's no answer this time, you will be another big step toward recovery from the delusion. Problem with this is that if you are one of those people who looked for signs in everything, you might be inclined to think ANYTHING and everything unusual you see to be a sign. Yeah, I don't think I would trust myself to say that prayer to get the results you suggest. In my case, it would do more harm than good. Yes, this is exactly what I first thought. I believe I suffer from pure-o OCD, but I could simply be grasping at straws for an answer to how I think and feel. Anyway, whether or not I do have that disorder, I have a great deal of trouble with unwanted anxious thoughts, especially pertaining to Christianity. I am SO relieved to know I am not unusual. I know that for many people, there are different time periods for recovery. I just needed the support, guidance, and reassurance of you all, and you all came through. Thank you *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 So after taking florduh's advice to pray for a sign, you might get something like this: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Or this: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Or this: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted February 28, 2009 Super Moderator Share Posted February 28, 2009 Spot on, Loren. Those are exactly the signs I would need! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 But frankly, when I prayed for a sign, this is what I got: (Note: All images came from the wonderful site SomethingAwful.com. They have a delightful feature called Photoshop Phriday. I always get a good laugh out of it.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skeptic Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I sometimes get this weird thought in my head that I should just stop all this "nonsense" and start believing in god again. It's a random thought that just comes out of nowhere. I just remember all the bible stories I read for myself and how horrible they were, like god hardening the pharaoh's heart and then killing all the innocent firstborn children and animals of the Egyptians. And then how the Jewish slaves stole from the Egyptians before they left. Way to kick them when they're down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prysm Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I think everyone deals with their thought life a different way. Thought patterns are difficult above all else to alter, as anyone who has ever been in a dysfunctional or abusive relationship can tell you. I don't know if this is healthy, but I focus on the sociological side of things to get my mind off of the spiritual. For example, I'll look for studies and articles demonstrating the mindless hatred of atheists and agnostics America allows, and I get mad about that. Then I see the whole thing in the same way as I see the squabbling in the middle east. It stops being as personal or spiritual and turns into just another social justice issue that needs to be confronted, and I let myself get worried about that. It helps me see the religion as having even less of a "divine" claim and it looks more like stupid petty bickering over tiny differences. Changing the American perspective of atheists and agnostics is, in some small way, my new sense of purpose and justice. But, like I said, that's just how I deal with it. I haven't been out of it for a year so I can't offer much guidance. Don't try to completely remove those thoughts, because they have to be replaced with something else. It's not really possible to have a void in your thinking (although xtianity makes me wonder...) so look for something, anything, that can usurp the place of priority those thoughts have in your mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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