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I got a letter today.


Guest JP1283

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Guest JP1283

You may remember a thread I started on the old board about a friend of mine who was a very hypocritical Christian. She was the one who told me that I should probably change to straight because gays went to hell, even though she cheated on her husband, has stolen, lied, etc. Anyway, when I moved to LA back in December, I decided to basically excommunicate her (she lives a couple of hours away from here.) She hadn't been that good of a friend to me at all, and I knew that if I was still friends with her while living here, she would expect me to be with her 24/7 instead of doing what I was supposed to be doing, which was working and going to school.

So I excommunicated her. I stopped calling, writing, texting, etc. A couple of months went by and I figured that our friendship had ended. I didn't lose any sleep over it. Then my aunt tells me one Friday afternoon that Megan called and left a message for me to call her back. That blew me away; I would never have expected Megan to call in a million years. The ball was in my court; for once she was trying to contact me because she missed me. I decided to still not contact her, as I still didn't want a friendship with her anymore. So I didn't. That was back in April or May. Up until now I have pretty much assumed that Megan figured out that I didn't want to be friends anymore and moved on. That is until a letter came from her in the mail today.

I opened the letter, anticipating the last word that she always had to give when we were fighting. I was expecting a "fuck you, farewell" type of letter, but instead, the letter basically says that she still wants to be friends and she still loves me and misses me like hell. I can't believe that she sent me this letter. If your best friend moved from afar within short driving distance of you, and basically cut of all ties with you, would you still want to be their friend? I wouldn't. That's exactly what I did to her because I honestly thought it would work. I can't believe she doesn't get the hint.

Megan and I have absolutely nothing in common anymore. She is married and attends church regularly; I am not either of those things. I hate feeling like the third wheel when I hang out with her and her husband. Megan is also pretty immature and when she doesn't get her way, she lets me know it. I always have to walk on eggshells around Megan and I hate doing that. I was never freely able to express my opinion because if it disagreed with hers, she would get mad at me. I don't need any of that shit in my life right now; I'm dealing with my own personal issues and I'm trying to get my life back in order and there just isn't any room for her in it.

A small part of me does miss Megan, but the thing is, she is part of a religion that believes I am going to burn in hell, and secretly she doesn't approve of my homosexuality and I don't want to have to ignore the elephant in the room when I'm with her. I have friends that accept and embrace the person I am and I like having that. Because of the way she reacted to my homosexuality and the way she generally treated me throughout the years (I was pretty much her whipping boy), I think there is too much water under the bridge to keep a friendship going.

So what do I do? Do I send her a letter saying that I'm officially ending the friendship? Should I call her and do it over the phone? Or should I just let it all go by the wayside like I've been doing and let it take care of itself? I feel bad that she still wants to be friends after all this time and I really don't want to hurt her feelings. But at the same time, I really don't want to be her friend anymore. I think I'm just going to let this one play itself out. I think that if I don't respond to the letter she'll get the hint.

 

JP

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Let her down easy. If she won't take hints then you are just going to have to tell her. Be nice about it (always try and stay above andbe the bigger person) but let her know. I think it would be kinder that letting her dangling and wondering. Some people just don't get hints very well.

 

Good luck and {{{HUGS}}}} it won't be easy, but once done you will feel better in the long run.

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JP, Megan is not your friend. You have written about her before and from what I can tell she only wants you in her life to make herself feel like a better Christian in comparison to a terrible sinner like yourself. If you do not respond, you will have the upper hand. She will be left wondering if you even got the letter, or left wondering why you did not respond. Let her stew; get on with your life. Do not relinquish your control. If you do respond, her past behavior indicates that she will use the opportunity to crush the progress you have made in self-acceptance. She needs you JP! She needs you to shore up her pathetic faith.

 

Read you forum signature JP! A real friend would help you achieve that goal. :shrug:

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I agree with IBF. Keep ignoring her as you've been doing. Do not respond to her attempts to contact you. If you get contact from her through your family members or friends, only tell them that you do not have time for her. That, insofar as it goes, is true.

 

Rip up the letter and toss it out. You do not need her in your life. She is a pathetic, selfish woman who hasn't done anything for you but give you heartache. She is not worth your time and your friendship. You deserve better.

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It seems to me you've already decided it would be best to cut off the friendship (whatever remains). It is your right to do so without explanation.

 

However, if you don't have the abrasiveness needed to pull that off, you could simply present an ultimatum; "Look, I'm gay, I have no hang ups about it, I have no desire to change, and I don't buy the whole concept of hell either. Accept me as I am or move on with your life. If I sense you preaching at me again I'm outa here. If you can accept that, then we can still be friends."

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Guest JP1283

I've pretty much decided to not respond to the letter. I've grown up and matured a bit since I've talked to her and I don't want to fall back into the old groove again. Megan needs to live her own life, I need to live mine. There isn't any room in my life now for her.

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