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I've remembered the most horrible thing about going to church for me

 

The psychopath preacher. Those of you who were southern baptist, or belonged to any of the other strict protestant denominations know what I'm talking about.

 

The preacher doesn't just give a sermon, he goes FUCKING BERSERK! Screams and yells, and pounds the pulpit and stalks across the stage! I remember as a kid having to witness the antics of these maniacs and how it just made the fire and brimstone sermons worse.

 

This sort of thing fucked with my head really bad, and it's no wonder that even after leaving church in '87 I didn't deconvert until twenty years later.

 

For those of you who were unfortunant enough to see one of these lunatics in action, how bad were the ones at the churches you went to?

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It was bad, really bad.

 

These narcissistic psychos are all on a power trip. They want total control and they have it in their own little world of the church.

 

The sermons are dreadful. Its just the same stuff over and over about the judgment of God and the end times and how you better be ready.

 

I remember one who would just glare at the congregation of no one came up to be "saved" on the 10 chorus of "Just As I Am". It was like a personal affront to him that people didn't come forward at the altar call. He would look at each person individually in the eye trying to make them feel like they were condemned.

 

This same weirdo gave a sermon once where he basically said rape was OK as long as the couple were married. Bastard.

 

I had to listen to this type of thing for over 5 years. It totally effected my life for many years afterward and probably permanently damaged my view of men in general.

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I SAY-AH, UNTO YOU-AH, THAT YOU MUST BE-AH BORN AGAIN-AH! IF YOU DO NOT-AH REPENT-AH OF YOUR WAYS-AH THEN YOU SHALL BURN-AH IN HELL-AH!!!!

 

Did you ever hear any of those sermons where they ended most words with "ah" as if that was proper English? And they screamed it out like that made it more real. Ugh! I hated those.

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My old pastor wasn't too bad on the yelling...of course it only felt like he started yelling whenever I was falling asleep. But was he ever full of himself! I'd have to sit through 3 hours of a long, rambling sermon which focused on him; how he "ran away from the call" to go to Alaska, about him finding a wife (even their marital relations weren't off limits, yuck!), about how he was so badass back in the day, about him joining every single New Age and Eastern cult before the age of 20, how his life is like the movie Braveheart, etc, etc. My parents dragged me to last years Easter Service and I brought my believer boyfriend along, at the end he told me, "that guy didn't even mention the Easter story at all! It was all about his story (complete with some banging on the pulpit and yelling)."

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I haven't ever seen this except in parodies. I think it would be interesting to see for real now that I'm out of Christianity.

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I SAY-AH, UNTO YOU-AH, THAT YOU MUST BE-AH BORN AGAIN-AH! IF YOU DO NOT-AH REPENT-AH OF YOUR WAYS-AH THEN YOU SHALL BURN-AH IN HELL-AH!!!!

 

Did you ever hear any of those sermons where they ended most words with "ah" as if that was proper English? And they screamed it out like that made it more real. Ugh! I hated those.

 

Hell Yeah! That brings back memories! I thought they would run out of breath sometimes and keel over dead! I remember one preacher got so caught up in his preaching that he started walking over the pews! Actually I kind of enjoyed that type of preaching although I couldn't understand most of what he was yelling. At least it kept me awake in an otherwise boring service!

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The senior pastor at my church was more the scholarly type. It was like listening to a self-help seminar rather than to a sermon.

 

Although they would sometimes bring in the hoot-and-holler guys for youth rallies, youth retreats, etc.

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I SAY-AH, UNTO YOU-AH, THAT YOU MUST BE-AH BORN AGAIN-AH! IF YOU DO NOT-AH REPENT-AH OF YOUR WAYS-AH THEN YOU SHALL BURN-AH IN HELL-AH!!!!

 

Did you ever hear any of those sermons where they ended most words with "ah" as if that was proper English? And they screamed it out like that made it more real. Ugh! I hated those.

 

Hell Yeah! That brings back memories! I thought they would run out of breath sometimes and keel over dead! I remember one preacher got so caught up in his preaching that he started walking over the pews! Actually I kind of enjoyed that type of preaching although I couldn't understand most of what he was yelling. At least it kept me awake in an otherwise boring service!

It's a show. In the old days, there was no TV and a firey preacher could pack 'em in. In some mega churches, I know a guy that still packs 'em in with the same bit. I think he really believes it though, and he has a major macho-southern-"fuck you all I'm a General in God's army" attitude. Cross your typical fire and brimstone preacher with the cold evil of Brad Pitt's version of Jesse James and that was my preacher.

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Pick your corner around here. I could take you to at least a helf dozen off the top of my head. There was this one that I really worried about. The vein in his forehead bulged so badly that I new he was going to have a coronary right on the spot.

 

I would love to go now just for entertainment purposes, but I'd have to put up with all the BS people in the congregation thanking me for coming, inviting me to mid-week meeting, trying to buy me lunch, and all the other herding techniques

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I grew up Church of Christ, so such acting would have been forbidden. There was a guest preacher once (during a revival--CoC revivals are just hellfire and brimstone sermons through out the week with no emotion put into them) that said ADD was an invention of science.

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