Darkenmoon Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 Ok... Beth used to be my friend. We went to high school together. Her brother was my age and she was a couple years older. Anyhow, we really got to know each other in College. We became very good friends... best friends. Later we moved into the same apartment complex. She lived downstairs and I lived upstairs. We had dinner together once a week, took care of each other's cats when one of us was away. When I became a Christian of course she was happy since she is a Christian. We went to the same church together, did Bible studies, retreats, etc. As I began to drift away from the Christian church, she also began to drift away. Partly I was ok with this. Time with her was becoming awkward. Partly I was sad. The last time we went out, we might as well have talked about the weather. The conversation was very superficial. Anyhow... I had mentioned a few times how she was drifting away. We had talked, she was sorry, she didn't want to do that, had nothing to do with my faith or lack there of, yada yada yada. Well I got to the point where I told her flat out that excuses, empty promises, and such weren't going to cut it. If she wanted to be a friend then she had to cut this crap out. I never got a response. Well... until Friday. I had written her off. Friday I received a letter. It was a very unBethlike letter. First, it was typewritten intead of handwritten. Beth is the sort of person who writes hand written letters. It also had an honestly humble tone as opposed to the fake humbleness she often exhibits. It didn't say Dear ___ but just said my name. She seems truly sorry for how she's treated me this past year and how she just simply disappeared. She mentioned how she was finding where she was very broken. She was taking steps to fix that. She mentioned how she was deeply sorry for how she treated me and was quite ashamed. She'd not felt she had anything to offer me. She realizes I may not want to fix the friendship. She realizes it will be hard to do so... I don't know what to do at this point. As I said, I'd written her off as basically not able to handle my deconversion and not wanting to. I figured we had little in common anymore. Now this. I don't know what to make of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 I don't have much experience with stuff like that, but... ...I guess now it boils down to how much risk you can/want to take. She may be setting you up, whether intentionally or not (you know, one can do dastardly things without realizing). She may be honest. Unfortunately, there seems to be not much you can do to find out except take the risk and believe her... even if not fully. I don't know that lady, so... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antihero Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Personally, if I were in that position, I'd see if she was for real. If not, no skin off my back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkenmoon Posted August 9, 2005 Author Share Posted August 9, 2005 Yes, I think I am going to give her a call and see if she wants to go get some coffee and talk. We'll see how it goes. Mostly I just needed to talk about it I guess. You know? It hurt when she just drifted away. I guess I knew though that I would call her. I'm like that. Thanks for your replies though. I appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 I have a friend that I lost in a similar way, so I understand where you are coming from. She has said nearly the same things to me as your friend did to you in your letter. When my friend sent me that "feel sorry for me and forgive me" email, I just emailed her back and said that I forgave her but that we were growing into different people than we used to be, and that our friendship would never be the same. I mentioned that I would like to keep in touch, but that I didn't want either of us to feel the pressure and tension of trying to keep together a friendship between two people that were drifting apart. That was it. I have had her and her husband over for dinner once since then, and I called her a couple weeks after that, but I have gotten no response after one email and a couple of phone messages. The truth is that my deconversion is what drove us apart, no matter what she thinks. When I started taking world religion classes and such, she made herself scarce. Partly because we both had new boyfriends, but partly because she didn't want to know. Maybe the same is true with you and your friend. Either way, it sucks and you have hugs from me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 I might add that if she was being sincere, and there are no deeper issues for the two of you to contend with, then go ahead and try to save the friendship. I am just saying it didn't work for me. She couldn't handle having a best friend that wasn't Christian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkenmoon Posted August 9, 2005 Author Share Posted August 9, 2005 Thanks. I did call her and leave her a message. She hasn't yet called back. I don't know how it will work out. Regardless I do appreciate you spiffy people here who listen and let me know you care. =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkenmoon Posted August 12, 2005 Author Share Posted August 12, 2005 Beth called me back. We will have coffee tonight after work and the local Caribou Coffee. I'm not sure what I hope for or expect totally. I'm not sure if I want to go, but I'd probably regret it later if I didn't go. So... what is a small amount of time tonight. And maybe because I don't expect much, it will help. *shrug* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 Darkmoon... There aint'a any easy answers in the Easy Answer Jar today.. The only one that I can find is the one that says: "Go get in Beth's face and ask "what the fuck is wrong?"" After that the manual that comes with this damn thing is a bit fuzzy on what exactly to do. Time to listen kiddo. If your life doesn't suck, and has been worth living, then something in Beth's may be missing you can help fill. The best thing a friend can *do* often is offer a sympathetic ear and presence that doesn't judge. Kinda like here, best thing to is be a friend to someone who needs to talk. kL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts