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Jesus Is Stalking Me


PandaPirate
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The Panera Bread location near my house has become a haven for fundies lately. Every time I go in there someone is going on and on, "Praising JaySus." I'm getting tired of hearing it. Last time I was there I left my copy of Freethought Today along with the other papers for some misguided Christian to find... LOL

 

But yesterday was the last straw. I saw a guy I used to work with. At work everyone HATED him because he was an obnoxious dork who talked non-stop about Jesus and how great his church was. No one cared. We all talked about how we wished he would get fired.

 

He belongs to THIS CHURCH and every time I see him he invites me to church and every time he invites me I tell him I'm not interested. Finally, yesterday I said, "I'm Buddhist" (which I'm not so I have no idea why I blurted that out) but he responded not by saying, "Oh, that's cool. No problem." but by saying, "I'm sorry."

 

I said, "Why would you be sorry? I'm happier than I've ever been." and he goes, "Well, I just hope you're secure." And he said it extremely half hearted. Like he gives a shit about me. Right. His whole attitude changed after I told him I don't go to church anymore. Like I was scum of the earth. He was all eager to be my friend and chase after me to go to his church like a dog frothing at the mouth but when he found out I wasn't Christian anymore it was like I was a fucking leper.

 

Then he started going on and on about how he wants to be a millionaire. The whole time I'm thinking, "Gee, that's funny, I'd like to make a contribution to humanity before I die and all this scumbag can think about it getting rich from God's ATM." Figures. That's how they view god. Like he's their own personal ATM.

 

Then I asked him how he got his new job and you know what he said? "I sowed a seed and believed in God for a job." I said, "So, God must be working pretty hard in your life, huh?" And of course he said, "Yeah." That's when I looked across the street at the hospital and said, "It's a shame he doesn't work as hard in their lives."

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now that your post count is at 666 you must never post again.

 

It's the rules.

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This is awesome. I wish I could be that confident about my atheism. I'm getting there. I overcompensate by having it all over my Facebook and ranting here.

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now that your post count is at 666 you must never post again.

 

It's the rules.

'Course, some of us were no better at following that rule than any other...

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666.jpg
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Buy the guy an ex-masterbator t-shirt and tell him it is time for him to come clean ...

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"Well, I just hope you're secure."

 

As a Buddhist I would have probably taken the bait. "What do you mean, "secure"? Secure from what?

 

That would be only if I had some time on my hands, of course.

 

It was nice that you pointed out the hospital to him. Maybe the day will come when something will get through the brainwashing.

 

Good for you, Panda

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That's when I looked across the street at the hospital and said, "It's a shame he doesn't work as hard in their lives."

 

I was eating and almost choked when I read this line... NICE! :D

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  • Super Moderator

Good job! We shouldn't take shit from those holier-than-thou dorks.

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I'm a big endorser of preying on Christian evangeligasms. Great point about the hospital. I wish when we made comments like that to Christians they would actually sink in. :(

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I should have punched him in the face and taken his food. I was hungry.

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He asked if you're secure??? You say he's talking about jesus non-stop??? And "someone" in the situation is not secure???

 

What would happen if you and colleagues gave him a stuffed baby jesus for easter so he could take it to bed with him?

 

On another note, I looked up his church. I clicked on a few links. Is she in pajamas?

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He asked if you're secure??? You say he's talking about jesus non-stop??? And "someone" in the situation is not secure???

The thought does occur that would have been an excellent moment at which to insert a "paging Dr. Freud" into the conversation.

 

'Course, the hospital thing was at least as good.

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He asked if you're secure??? You say he's talking about jesus non-stop??? And "someone" in the situation is not secure???

 

What would happen if you and colleagues gave him a stuffed baby jesus for easter so he could take it to bed with him?

 

On another note, I looked up his church. I clicked on a few links. Is she in pajamas?

 

They are a bunch of freaks. They have church almost every single night for nearly FOUR solid hours. I guess they can get more money that way. It's a WoF church. It is one of the most destructive, brainwashing churches around here. I wish I could overthrow this fundy monopoly of Escambia County.

 

@ Kyle

 

hahaahah!!! nice avatar!!!!

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Agh! The hospital line was good, don't know if I could think that fast! And, yes, you should have stolen his food!

If we "evangelized" them with the same zeal they would go around talking about how they are being persecuted for their faith! WTF???

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Yeah, well, I just got BANNED from Panera about an hour ago!!! :blink:

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