pray for me

[been borg again]

Well tonight I am leaving for the week to see/ camping the Red Woods.

What sucks is we are driving for a few days, and I must spend the entire week in close quarters with my fundie dad, sister, and brother in law.

Last time I saw my dad a few years ago, his church had a prayer circle for the specific purpose of reconverting me. ( yea I walked in on it while my sister and father were crying for me, it was awkward.)

 

since this divorce thing, all of my family is useing this opportunity to reconvert me, I have gotten letters, sermons, papers, you know it.

And this sudden trip to the Red Woods is another ploy for Intercesion, just like some drug addict... thats how they see me.

 

They try to convince me that I am miserably unhappy, that I hate God, that GOd caused my wife to run away, because I wasnt the proper christian leader in the proper husbandly role. etc. etc.

 

How do I respond to these things? Well for the past few years, I say nothing.

I follow the path of least resistence, which is to led it slide off my back, and I dont think about it anymore, or dwell upon it... or I come to forums to release whats on my mind... LOL..then the frustration loses power over me.

 

I have no desire to tell my family off, becasue what would it accomplish besides more seperation?

I have tried in the past, and they just cut me off mid sentance and claim I am blinded by satan.. sigh.

The one thing that helps alot is seeing the humor of the situation. I can always say something off the wall, to lighten up the tension. but I cannot even express that to my family beause they interpret that attitude as being from the devil or something.

SO what can I do but sit there in silence, I try not to smirk, sometimes it comes out and they get really pissed off. But my humor has nothing to do with a bad attitude, its because I am looking at the situation from a 3d person and I can see the humor in it.

 

good new is, I have my sunglasses and a bag of weed, and a pack of cigs to hide the smell.. hmm maybe that the reason why I find humor in this situation. I guess it throws them off if I start to laugh, even though I quit smoking a few years ago.

I find myself getting stoned whenever I am around my fundy family.

they dont suspect a thing, cuz I am a natural mellow quiet introvert to begin with, and dont speak that mush when I am around them.

 

suggestions?

I didnt want to go on this trip, but my father flew in from across the USA, to spent time with me. SO obviously I just cant say NO. At the same time I cant spend more than a few days with him before I start to get angry, cuz no kidding my dad is a neo nazi racist redneck ultra fundy ( and one of the largest nazi antique dealers in the USA)with a opinion about everything in the world.

One part of me gets angry that they would use this divorce as an opportunity to reconvert me. they know I feel awkward being the center of attention in a crowd, so they always bring up the reconversion when we are in a social setting, like a few months ago my sister invited me over for dinner, come to find out I am having dinner with 6 other people from her church, and so then she has everyone go around the table to give their testimony, wouldnt you know it, I HAPPEND to be the last one in line..... I told her It was late, and I left before my turn. this is how I always resolve potential conflicts.. run away. I dont bother telling anybody my opinions, because I dont really feel a desire to convince them " I am right"

THis also frustrates them to no end because I always give short ambigous answers.

Anytime I have given an indepth reply, they attack all at once, interupting me, talking all at once... its like opening up a floodgate of panic for them.. so I keep my mouth shut.

suggestions?

[Japedo]

I honestly have very little to no advice.

 

Myself, I wouldn't go, or If I did go it would be on my terms only. such as an agreement to keep it family orientated and away from the Bible/God stuff. I have massive phobias about having hands laid on me or putting myself in a situation where that would have a possibility of happening. I fear the 'group Christian's' mentality, and when they (two or more) get together and "agree" they believe it's a directive from God, it makes them dangerous IMO.

 

 

I understand this is your family, however lay down the law. You wish to spend time with them but don't wish to be preached to, prayed for or Converted, I suggest the open blunt way. Sorry I don't have more for ya. I wish you much luck keep us posted.

[oberon]

Ask yourself why it is important to you to spend time with these people if they are really this bad. You will end up with only one of two possibilities. One is they really aren’t worth spending time with; save your self the aggravation and stay away. The second is that despite your differences there really are things you like about them. In that case go and focus only on those things. Every time they try to steer the weekend toward religion remind them lovingly about what you do want to be there for and ask to stick with that. If they won’t you are back to choice 1 and you know never to go again. They will have been the ones not you to drive a wall between them and you.

[DanInPA]

Hi BBA,

 

Bummer.....

 

I've thought about what I might do in a similar situation. When the preaching starts, I'd

whip out a bottle of drain opener and a cup, quote Mark 16:17-18

and tell them we have nothing to discuss unless they prove they're a

True Believer™.

 

Disclaimer--if you're afraid they might actually take a drink, forget this idea!

 

Good Luck

 

Dan

[Checkmate]

Whee-ew! This is another toughie.

 

BBA, no one can tell you what to do. Everything depends on what kind of person YOU are, and the kind of person you INTEND to continue to be.

 

ME? I'm an asshole. Always have been. People AND family I don't get along with? I cut them off. I don't take shit or guilt from anyone. I live geographically separated from ALL my family. No one is closer than 1,300 miles of me. They are predominately Christian, and I have laid down the law...NO RELIGIOUS DISCUSSION OR ELSE.

 

E-mails don't get opened or answered. Phone calls all go through my screener (my wife). And all invitations to family gatherings get tossed into the trash. Fuck 'em.

 

I refuse to allow people into MY life who will cause me misery.

 

I would say that I'm this way because I'm old and cranky, but that's a lie. I've ALWAYS been this way, and my family knows better than to piss me off. I can live quite well without family AND friends. I'll take solitude over arguing everytime.

 

But as I said...that's ME.

 

Some people accept "family" NO MATTER WHAT. If that is YOU, then I guess you're screwed to join them and be abused. Sorry.

 

If that ISN'T you, then you should back out of this gathering quicker than a black man invited to a Klan rally. Just be ready for the nuclear fallout.

 

Fwiw.

[I Broke Free]

suggestions?

I didnt want to go on this trip, but my father flew in from across the USA, to spend time with me.

 

Yes, I have a suggestion.

 

Your father came all this way to spend time with YOU, not an actor playing the role of his son! Be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.

 

Christians always expect others to alter their behavior to make them comfortable. Show him that your are your own person.

 

IBF

[trashy]

I gotta go with IBF here - tell them up front you would love to spend time with your family but you want them to treat you LIKE family, not like they get a prize if they are the one to get you reconverted. They're supposed to be LOVING Christians after all...

[Lanakila]

I am with Trashy and IBF on this one. I do know how I was when I was a fundy and I was like your family. Its worse on them to cut them completely off. (I had family members do that to me) That hurts and makes them think they are being persecuted for their faith. It's better to say: I really prefer to not be in a religious discussion with you, and if you do broach it expect me to speak my mind. In other words you don't bring it up, but you don't just take their shit either.

[been borg again]

thanks guys,

the one thing that keeps me civil thru this ordeal, is I have a strong desire to prove to them I am a good individual despite not being a christian. Is this healthy? maybe its making me paranoid and second guessing everything I say and do..so I feel like I represent every negative stereotype of a non christian to them, and they sit there and try to interpret my life from their negative assumptions.

They shelter themselves so much from outsiders its like I am the only example of a non christian they know.

They know I profess athiest, and they are all trying to convince me how miserably unhappy I am, when in reality I am an individual who is very positve, I wake up with a smile most of the time, soft spoken, happier since deconverting, and a cinical dark sense of humor that gets misinterpreted all the time.

[Ophy]

I dunno, BBG. It's a tough situation, but maybe they just aren't able to think somebody is a "good person" if they don't fit into a neat little Christian mold. If it were me, I wouldn't go. I guess because they wouldn't be going to be with me. They'd be going to try and force me to become something I'm not.

[I Broke Free]

There is a big problem in making Christian members of your family more comfortable by not being yourself. It sends a clear message that you agree with them; that your life is unworthy of honest expression. When you edit your life to make others comfortable, it also sends the message that they have the moral high ground. They will use it to their advantage by trying to make you feel guilty.

 

Don’t put yourself in a defensive position from the outset. Stand your ground! There is no need to be offensive and take on unnecessary battles, but retreating will only give them ammunition against you.

[been borg again]

There is a big problem in making Christian members of your family more comfortable by not being yourself. It sends a clear message that you agree with them; that your life is unworthy of honest expression. When you edit your life to make others comfortable, it also sends the message that they have the moral high ground. They will use it to their advantage by trying to make you feel guilty.

 

Don’t put yourself in a defensive position from the outset. Stand your ground! There is no need to be offensive and take on unnecessary battles, but retreating will only give them ammunition against you.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

thanks for the advise,

i never thought of it that way

I am well aware they walk over me and take advantaghe of my soft spoken nature.

at the same time I think to myself, it is worth the sacrifice, if it means less conflict and less seperation? you know what I mean?

 

If I just nod or not respond to their never ending onslaught of preaching ,

then they feel OK that they were able to comminucate their feelings, so we can continue on with the night and make smores and talk about the weather around the campfire. I hve the ability to just let it slide off my back and continue on with the night..

you know what I mean?

a part of me would love to stand up and voice my true opinions about their religion, and I have lots of opionions about it... but at the same time, I know I would be causeing a huge drama if I did so... so far I do everything in my power to avoid conflict, even if it means sitting there in silence while my family spends an evening complaining about pink commie atheist democrats, and how they are evil and satanic.

[Godless Dave]

I didnt want to go on this trip, but my father flew in from across the USA, to spent time with me. SO obviously I just cant say NO.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Why the hell not? Do you normally let other people plan your vacations? Did your dad consult you about this trip before flying across the country to see you?

[been borg again]

good news, it was a good trip, maybe I am just paranoid these days.

 

The Red Woods forest is a paradise on earth, virgin old growth dense forest full of 1000 year old huge trees, 65 degree weather year round, misty, no insects, if youve seen the planet Endor from Return of the Jedi ( it was filmed in the same location).

WOW I could spend the rest of my life in that environment.

Now I have a goal in life LOL.

[Vigile]

They know I profess athiest, and they are all trying to convince me how miserably unhappy I am, when in reality I am an individual who is very positve, I wake up with a smile most of the time, soft spoken, happier since deconverting, and a cinical dark sense of humor that gets misinterpreted all the time.

 

I would say that's their bag. You don't need to prove anything to measure up to their perspective on reality. The reality is that some atheists are unhappy and so are some xtians. There is absolutely no correlation between the two.

 

I somehow missed this thread earlier so sorry I didn't respond before you left. What a screwed up situation brother. I feel for you. I see you got some great advice from IBF so I add my 4th to it after Trashy, Lana. I also hope things are starting to settle down for you at home. That's an awful lot of stress to go through in one year and this visit with your ultra fundy folks must really be the icing on the cake. Hope the weed is doing the trick for you.

 

Take care

[Vigile]

good news, it was a good trip, maybe I am just paranoid these days.

 

The Red Woods forest is a paradise on earth, virgin old growth dense forest full of 1000 year old huge trees, 65 degree weather year round, misty, no insects, if youve seen the planet Endor from Return of the Jedi ( it was filmed in the same location).

WOW I could spend the rest of my life in that environment.

Now I have a goal in life LOL.

 

Dang, I should have read the entire thread before responding. Oh well.

 

Yeah, my wife and I drove through the Redwoods a couple of years ago. It is truly amazing. It makes me sick that they cut down most of these beautiful trees and left only a handful for tourists, but those that are left make you feel like an ant in the land of the giants.