Dealing With Catholic Family

[Guest anon]

I'd like to tell explain my situation, and ask for advice.

 

I grew up in a Protestant family, but my parents would go to church irregularly. As a result, I think I didn't get as brainwashed as many do. Through high school and college, I kept my Christianity, but kind of kept it under a layer of doubt. I always wanted to become one of those people who just knew that God was out there, but I never found any evidence. I now believe that people delude themselves into thinking they have evidence -- but anyway... So around this time, I was getting ready to marry my wife. She was Catholic, along with her entire family. I thought it would help our relationship if I were to become catholic, so I went through RCIA and got confirmed before we married. Catholicism wasn't that much different from what I had been taught growing up. Actually the one problem I had with it related to praying to saints and Mary. Interestingly enough, through RCIA, we learned about the chronology of the gospels -- which is one of the triggers that began my conversion to atheism. I had always thought that the gospels were written by eye-witnesses, and relatively close to Jesus's reported death. Anyway, a few years after I got married, I got to the point that I no longer believed anything about the Bible. Sites like this helped me realize that I was never going to find an answer from God, but the answer is that we live in a world governed by natural laws - not supernatural ones.

 

I kept my atheism a secret for a while. I kept going to church with my wife. One day, I was in a bad mood and didn't pray with my wife before supper as we always did. This led to me telling her how I felt. She was quite disappointed, but eventually understood me. I stopped going to church, and she followed suit because she doesn't want to go alone. On a few occasions, I have argued with her, trying to get her to understand why Christianity is so wrong. Nothing seems to work. I know more about Christianity that she probably ever will. I point out flaws in Bible stories that she has never heard of before. She doesn't even understand the basic belief of christianity is to believe in Christ to save you from sin. I say she's not even a christian, because she doesn't follow any of their teachings, but she has 'faith' in something and that's good enough for her.

 

Anyway, the real problem isn't my wife. It's her family. We live somewhat far away from family, so I've been able to keep up this charade for quite some time. As I said they are all devout Catholics, and I cant even image how they would take the news of my atheism. I'm somewhat content not telling anyone else right now. Unfortunately, it won't be long and we'll be having child(ren). I don't want to lie to my children. I don't want my children to be taught bullshit (the bible). I don't want to be alienated by family -- children or in-laws! My wife is flexible - she wants to raise them in a church -- doesn't matter too much which one. Of course the family would have a cow if it's not catholic. And personally, I think it's all hogwash, and potentially dangerous.

 

Secretly, I was hoping to bring my wife to the dark side to make this all easier.

 

Any suggestions? Someone volunteer to deconvert my wife, or entire family?! What can I do?

[Guest Marty]

I will probably never have kids, but if I did and the spouse wanted to bring them to church, I would say OK, as long as you get a chance afterword to ask them what they learned and if they really think a all powerful god would do things like that.

 

"Why do think god would create people and make them not believe in him, just so he can send them to hell? That doesn't seem very fair to me."

 

I think the brainwashing is easy to undo if you can reason with the child about what they had just heard. If your wife wants a church education, you have a right to teach your child your beliefs too.

 

And watch out, I hear those catholick priests like to fuck little boys...

[florduh]

Welcome.

 

My wife's family is Catholic, so I know what asshats they can be.

 

What I can't abide is the pervasive mindset among everyone, theist AND atheist, that religion is the default position to be protected, not offended, and needing no explanation. The non-religious always go on the defensive and fret and fuss about how the religious will react to someone not agreeing with them. I may just be old and cranky, but I say fuck'em.

 

. . . they are all devout Catholics, and I cant even image how they would take the news of my atheism.

 

How do YOU take the news THEY are Catholics? Are you offended or outraged they don't agree with your position? Are you disappointed in them?

 

Try the offensive rather than defensive stance for a change. It feels good.

 

Good luck.