highvoltage Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 I just finished a long discussion with my mom. I came out today about my disbelief in xtianity, and in god. This has been one of the hardest things I've done in a long time. I didn't plan on telling them (my mom is probably telling my dad right now), but they figured out from some of my comments that my beliefs on certain issues have changed substantially in the past few years. My mom then directly asked me about god and xtianity, and I answered her as honestly and gently as I could. I feel sick now. My mom started to cry, and that makes me want to cry. Now I need to go shower; I hope it will make me feel a little better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a midnight star Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 *hugs* (I know it is lame, but I don't know what else to say and I wanted you to know that I understand) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonofspong Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 It's a tough gig, I know. (yes, a cliche'd answer). In your mothers eyes, you are now damned to hell no matter what you do in life, and it hurts her. To many people, turning your back on Gawd is the ultimate sin. It still bugs me that my mother thinks im going to hell. You just have to live with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
highvoltage Posted August 10, 2005 Author Share Posted August 10, 2005 *hugs*(I know it is lame, but I don't know what else to say and I wanted you to know that I understand) Thanks, I appreciate it. It's a tough gig, I know. (yes, a cliche'd answer). In your mothers eyes, you are now damned to hell no matter what you do in life, and it hurts her. To many people, turning your back on Gawd is the ultimate sin. It still bugs me that my mother thinks im going to hell. You just have to live with it. It is a tough gig. Yuck. It'll get better with time, I'm sure. :thinks optimistically: Thanks guys for responding. I'll be travelling for the next few days and won't be able to get back on the forums for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ophy Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 I know it's not much, I've been thinking of your situation since I read this earlier. Please know that I'm sending moral support and good vibes your way. Stay strong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 In your mothers eyes, you are now damned to hell no matter what you do in life, and it hurts her. To many people, turning your back on Gawd is the ultimate sin. It still bugs me that my mother thinks im going to hell. You just have to live with it. That's exactly why I hate xtianity. I can put up with the stupidity on many levels, but I hate that it makes my mother believe I'm going to hell and there's nothing she can do about it. It's just sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuroikaze Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 I know how difficult it can be to come out to your parents about this stuff. Me, i did it in the worst posible way. I got pissed off at some stuipid thing my mom said. Told her I thought she was wrong and then when she questioned why, the whole thing just sorta came out. I moved out though, so luckly I can just not talk to them much. They really don't know what to do with me. The worst thing is that my parents don't trust me at all anymore. They don't like to allow my younger sisters to hang around me with them not there, I guess they are afraid that my unbelief will wear off on them All I can really tell you is to stay strong. I can see from your post that you care about your parents and hate to make them sad, but I think its usually better to be honest with them, even if its painful for them. Its imposible to have a good relationship with your parents if its based on them being totally ignorant about your life. At least now you can be honest with them. I hope that you can find a way to maintain a good relationship with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vixentrox Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 My mom is in denial. I don't bring it up any more becuase it upsets the peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curtdude Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 When my parents said the same stuff to me, I told them, "I know it's hurting you, but it's hurting me more to stay in this religion." For some reason, it seemed to strike a chord in them: "this is not about us, it's about our son, and how does he feel right now? He's always been sincere and honest with us. Why would he stop doing that now?" They thought about what I was going through, and that it WAS more painful for me than for them. In other words, they thought unselfishly. And it seemed to work. But I did not somehow manipulate them into this consideration. It was their moral choice. And it was not a christian choice by any means. It is one of the most difficult things for a christian to consider: someone else's viewpoint. They are not encouraged to do so, and they are forbidden to think about doubts, etc. Other viewpoints are to be avoided at all costs. That's why they rarely will try to see our point of view. For them, it's a sin. They have certainly made their views known since then, but the reality of my apostacy has never been in question. They just pray like hell for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedPillAddict Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 Thats too bad, HV. I know how you feel. But, at least its off your chest. You have to understand that she is afraid because she believes that you could go to hell or something. Hopefully, you can share the information you have learned with her and things might change. Good luck and congrats...what you did was tough. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
highvoltage Posted August 15, 2005 Author Share Posted August 15, 2005 Thanks guys for all your kind responses. The thought that gives me the most comfort now is knowing that I am not the first to walk this path, nor will I be the last. It always helps knowing that you're not alone (in leaving religion, that is). Thats too bad, HV. I know how you feel. But, at least its off your chest. You have to understand that she is afraid because she believes that you could go to hell or something. Hopefully, you can share the information you have learned with her and things might change. Good luck and congrats...what you did was tough. too bad, HV. I know how you feel. But, at least its off your chest. You have to understand that she is afraid because she believes that you could go to hell or something. Hopefully, you can share the information you have learned with her and things might change. Good luck and congrats...what you did was tough. Yes, I'm glad that it's off my chest now. I wanted very badly to tell them, but I wanted even more not to upset them, so there was this internal struggle in my mind. I don't like keeping big things like this from my family, but this particular issue is a really tricky one. I decided before I left (I'm back in texas now; I was in CO visiting my folks) not to tell them, at least not yet. But it came out anyway. Now the struggle is gone, but it has left in it's wake a feeling of seperation. It may only be temporary, though, and given enough time and work may mend itself. When my parents said the same stuff to me, I told them, "I know it's hurting you, but it's hurting me more to stay in this religion." This is so true. I didn't get to this point in my own confession with my mom, but it rings very true for me as well. My parents seemed very understanding about my leaving the faith. They were upset, but they said they still loved me and supported me. I think they understand why I left (I tried very hard to explain this to them), and they accept my decision. They don't agree with me, but they accept me. This is a tremendous relief. It could have gone so much worse... My mom is in denial. I don't bring it up any more becuase it upsets the peace. I think my mom is somewhat in denial as well. She mentioned that I will probably vacillate back and forth for some time before I really make up my mind. I think this is an attempt in her mind to believe that this is some kind of "stage" that I'm going through and will come back eventually. I don't think so, but I didn't tell her that. I just nodded my head and went on... I know how difficult it can be to come out to your parents about this stuff. Me, i did it in the worst posible way. I got pissed off at some stuipid thing my mom said. Told her I thought she was wrong and then when she questioned why, the whole thing just sorta came out. I moved out though, so luckly I can just not talk to them much. They really don't know what to do with me. The worst thing is that my parents don't trust me at all anymore. They don't like to allow my younger sisters to hang around me with them not there, I guess they are afraid that my unbelief will wear off on them All I can really tell you is to stay strong. I can see from your post that you care about your parents and hate to make them sad, but I think its usually better to be honest with them, even if its painful for them. Its imposible to have a good relationship with your parents if its based on them being totally ignorant about your life. At least now you can be honest with them. I hope that you can find a way to maintain a good relationship with them. This sounds a lot like how I came out. I mentioned before that I had decided not to say anything yet, but then there were several instances where I sharply disagreed with some of the things they were saying and I told them so. Then my mom started asking me questions about my faith in god, and it just came out. Yeah, and what's with the "don't talk to your sisters about religion" stuff?! My mom said the same thing to me. She just said how much my sister and cousin, who lives with my parents, look up to me, and I shouldn't talk about any of this with them. Like I might lead them astray, or poison their minds with my ideas?? Okay, whatever... I told her I wouldn't bring it up anymore. That's exactly why I hate xtianity. I can put up with the stupidity on many levels, but I hate that it makes my mother believe I'm going to hell and there's nothing she can do about it. It's just sick. Yeah, I'm really starting to feel the same way. When I first left, I told myself I wouldn't have any hard feelings for xtianity, but I'm really starting to hate some parts of it. It divides people on so many levels; I find it sickening. I know it's not much, I've been thinking of your situation since I read this earlier. Please know that I'm sending moral support and good vibes your way. Stay strong! Thank you Ophy. That means a lot; I really appreciated it. :hugs: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 I too know how you feel highvoltage. I admire your courage and willingness to be real and stick up for your integrity. If your parents see that you love them but also follow your conscience, that's a lot right there. I noticed in your profile you say that philosophy and friends are very important to you. That's such a wonderful combination; it says a lot about who you are. Be cool bro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Helmet Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 Hang in there HV. I know it's pretty hard to do that kind of thing, heck I haven't told my parents yet. Anyways, you did the right thing. It's better she knows where you stand than assume you're on her side of chrisitianity and feel betrayed in the end. I can't say I'll be praying for you but I wish you good things and good times! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuroikaze Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Yeah, and what's with the "don't talk to your sisters about religion" stuff?! My mom said the same thing to me. She just said how much my sister and cousin, who lives with my parents, look up to me, and I shouldn't talk about any of this with them. Like I might lead them astray, or poison their minds with my ideas?? Okay, whatever... I told her I wouldn't bring it up anymore. I think that pretty much sums it up. My parents are scared to even let me hang out with my sister alone. They haven't said so out loud, but thats only cause my parents are horible with confontation when it come to thier children. Its funny because they believe Christianity is true, and yet try to insulate people from ever hearing counterpoints to it. Why are Christians so afraid of different ideas if they are so sure those ideas are wrong? If the Christian belief system is so perfect then I don't understand why christians are always so afraid of being led astray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 I know it's not much, I've been thinking of your situation since I read this earlier. Please know that I'm sending moral support and good vibes your way. Stay strong! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> /OT Interjection (Sorry) Hello fellow Tori fan! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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