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Deconverting For The Past 4 Years


PaleLady
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I will try to keep this short because I tend to write novels once I get started.

 

Yes, you read the topic correctly: I have been deconverting for the past 4 years...and didn't even realize it. It was 2005, ironically April (major things seem to happen to me in the spring!), when I began doubting my Christian faith. I can't even pinpoint one specific thing that pushed me over that edge. But suddenly I thought, "What if Christianity is just one big marketing ploy?" When this thought, this breath of fresh air, crossed my mind I did nothing for several minutes. I did not attempt to brush away the blasphemous idea. Quite the contrary, it was the only concept I considered for that period of time and, to my surprise I could come up with no contradictions. The more I rolled it around in my mind, the more sense it made. Then I expanded the statement to include not only Christianity but all of the world religions. WHOA! :eek: This was thin ice for my poor oxygen-suffocated brain, so I walked carefully. I found this site and even joined, but did not post anything beefy.

 

I began a sort of journey, a review of my religious belief system. During the past 4 years I thought I had figured it out, thought I had reached the end of the journey, when actually all I did was choose to step off the path of searching. I ran back to the safety of Christianity time after time after time. But I cannot keep the doubts from returning again and again. The doubts about god, doubts about the...reality? No, the validity of religion. It's like once that veil had been lifted from my eyes, there was no way I could ignore the elephant in the room.

 

So this is it...I'm taking a year--I call it being separated from god...because this must be what it feels like when husbands and wives separate. I need to admit to myself that I am still on a journey, a path of sorts, to discover once and for all whether or not god truly exists. I'm on the side of "no" but, hey, if god truly exists then he can certainly prove me wrong at any moment. Right? Mm hmm. Also I want to say in closing that I'm very thankful for this site. It's definitely a much need oasis.

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Hello and welcome, PaleLady!

 

Yep, once you admit to that elephant's existence there's no going back.

 

Hope you enjoy yourself here.

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Welcome to the site. Doesn't it feel good to be off the sin, guilt, repent, guilt, shame, sin, repent, merry-go-round?

 

Enjoy your newfound life and hang around and share some knowledge with us

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Welcome, PaleLady!

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Thanks for the welcome! --I forgot to say that I am 47 and happily married with 2 grown children.

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Guest nonreligiousbelieverinGod

I am new too. I am considering going to Unity church because it is nonreligious. The religion of Christianity is not what I believe Christ intended at all. I don't want to go into what I believe but it is pretty mainstream. It has been a few years since I fully deconverted and it is like a room in my mind that I closed the door to that I don't go in detail to discuss because it is so upsetting.

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Everyone, thanks for the welcome. :grin:

 

"...it is like a room in my mind that I closed the door to that I don't go in detail to discuss because it is so upsetting."

 

NRB, I hope someday soon you're able to go into that room and do a big ol' spring cleaning!

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