Guest Ramos28 Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 i've been out of Xtianity for about 2 months now, and has been regretting all the years I could have enjoyed in college with girlfriends and such. Btw, I am still a virgin at 22 years of age. I kept myself pure for marriage as many of us did here, but now feel like i need to catch up on the lost time. I even don't feel like i'm ready for a relationship but just want casual sex with 2 -3 partners to 'catch up', however the feelings of guilt are still there. I don't want a relationship because I feel like I am behind and if it gets serious and we marry, then i'm done. I do take relationships seriously so going out for a long time is something i can see myself doing...even getting married. So let's hear it...after deconversion...what's your sex life has been. Any guilt, thoughts, regrets? What do you consider moral, wrong, how do you decide, and how to you proceede if in your mind you have decided the issue to be okay, but you still FEEL that its wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Well, fortunately for you you live in a land full of gorgeous, and from my experience, willing young ladies to sew your wild oats with. I haven't been to Belarus, but I've seen plenty of Belarussian beauties here in SPB. Oh wait, I see from your PM that you don't live there anymore. Bummer. At least on the girl issue. So let's hear it...after deconversion...what's your sex life has been. Any guilt, thoughts, regrets? My only regret was I didn't get started younger. What do you consider moral, wrong, how do you decide, and how to you proceede if in your mind you have decided the issue to be okay, but you still FEEL that its wrong. Just don't be an asshole. If you wouldn't want a guy treating your sister or good friend a certain way, don't do it yourself. As long as you aren't hurting anyone or yourself the sky's the limit. Do what you want. There is no right or wrong answer beyond that. Sex can be a lot of fun and the girls like it as much as you, though how they choose a partner differs somewhat. Don't let yourself think you are doing them harm just by doing what comes natural. That's a hurdle that guys raised in a strict xian environment sometimes have to overcome. Sex isn't dirty or bad and doing it doesn't make anyone dirty as long as it's mutual and as I said, no one is otherwise harmed in any way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pantonality Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 i've been out of Xtianity for about 2 months now, and has been regretting all the years I could have enjoyed in college with girlfriends and such. Btw, I am still a virgin at 22 years of age. I kept myself pure for marriage as many of us did here, but now feel like i need to catch up on the lost time. I even don't feel like i'm ready for a relationship but just want casual sex with 2 -3 partners to 'catch up', however the feelings of guilt are still there. I don't want a relationship because I feel like I am behind and if it gets serious and we marry, then i'm done. I do take relationships seriously so going out for a long time is something i can see myself doing...even getting married. So let's hear it...after deconversion...what's your sex life has been. Any guilt, thoughts, regrets? What do you consider moral, wrong, how do you decide, and how to you proceede if in your mind you have decided the issue to be okay, but you still FEEL that its wrong. As far as morality is concerned whatever two consenting adults decide to do to show affection for each other is OK by me. That doesn't mean I want anything to do with another guy, but if that's what turns you on I won't condemn you in any way. Your post exhibits some of the creepy social mores of Christians. Just because you're no longer a believer you may be inclined to think that the women you meet will be all hot and bothered about having sex with you. And if you look like Ashton Kutcher or Brad Pitt that could be a possibility. If you're more mundane looking you'll probably find that you have to actually engage socially with women in order to seduce them. Casual sex is something that requires practice and commitment to get. As you can probably tell I was never good at it and when I managed to get it I found the experience, shall we say, suboptimal. In my mind the best tactic is to be friendly and open to whatever comes and if sex happens make it a joyful experience. If it leads to a relationship, explore that, if it doesn't, then you'll be looking again. Whatever you do don't be in a hurry to give away the rest of your life. Women outside of Christianity will respect that. You're more likely to attract women into your life if you're not in a hurry to get into a relationship and are just exploring friendships. So I'd say you're on the right track. Whatever you do get over the idea that there is anything wrong with intimate expression of affection, there is nothing wrong with it, in fact it's wonderful!!!! Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gypsy79 Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Hey Ramos! I would say just take life as it comes and do what you are comfortable with. I liked what Pantonality said -- "if sex happens make it a joyful experience. If it leads to a relationship, explore that, if it doesn't, then you'll be looking again. Whatever you do don't be in a hurry to give away the rest of your life." There is no need to be in a hurry and catch up, especially if you feel it will lead to feelings of guilt or shame. Just go with the flow, so to speak. You asked about our sex lives and any guilt, thoughts, or regrets. As a female, I would say that I have thoroughly enjoyed exploring my sexuality with different men. There are only a few I have regretted and that was because I really wasn't comfortable with it. In other words, in those few instances, I did exactly the opposite of my advice to you and I got in a hurry to catch up which led to feelings of guilt or shame or the feeling of being "wrong". The majority of my experiences, though, were much more laid back and just happened in the natural flow of things, which caused them to be much more enjoyable and not regrettable at all. I consider any sexual act that all parties are comfortable with (and above the age of consent) as moral. If I feel trepidation about it or if another party involved feels trepidation about it, then it is wrong for us. I will say one thing: I love my husband dearly and I know he loves me, but I know that sometimes we both miss the newness of a budding sexual relationship. I repeat Pantonality's caution to not be in a hurry to give away the rest of your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ramos28 Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Thanks for the replies, i'm looking froward to more opinions from other members. The interesting this is that even as a non-believer i have experienced the feeling of sex being wrong (mostly masturbation, pornography, oral sex with my girlfiend) and when I became a Christian i 'figured out' where the guilt came from and 'realized' that i was just sinning. I now no longer believe that but don't understand the guilt part. I was never raised in church or a Christian family, and there was nothing wrong with sex according to my parents. Wher did i get it all from?Part of me wants to believe that its still from the God. Crap, i just want to find freedom in sexuality and enjoy it, but can't get the guilt out and it bothers me. Okay, personal story here...happened last night (i trust you guys with this one) I was gonna loose my virginity last night, went to see this one woman, got flowers, condoms, etc. I did ask God to stop me on the way if it was wrong and guess what happened...I come and she says that she can't have sex because she's on her period and its not a good time...wouldn't you be superstitious about it and believe that God stopped sex from happening? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pantonality Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 I was gonna loose my virginity last night, went to see this one woman, got flowers, condoms, etc. I did ask God to stop me on the way if it was wrong and guess what happened...I come and she says that she can't have sex because she's on her period and its not a good time...wouldn't you be superstitious about it and believe that God stopped sex from happening? Hey guess what? Shit happens. So the time wasn't right, keep the same mindset and figure on next weekend. That gives you a week to savor the anticipation. BTW, let me add one more thing based on your last post, nothing anyone does by themselves is immoral either. However, moderation is the key. One can get addicted to sex, so exercising some control over your impulses is a good thing. BUT when when you need to blow off some steam and no one's available to assist, there's nothing wrong with taking matters into your own hand (and if that means visual props that's OK too). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raul Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 My sex life hasn't begun yet. p.s. oral sex with my girlfiend I am still a virgin roflcopter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raul Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 I was gonna loose my virginity last night, went to see this one woman, got flowers, condoms, etc. I did ask God to stop me on the way if it was wrong and guess what happened...I come and she says that she can't have sex because she's on her period and its not a good time...wouldn't you be superstitious about it and believe that God stopped sex from happening? Don't be silly. God magically caused her to have periods or something? ))) I mean,even if she did have periods (it could simply be an excuse for not having sex) that doesn't sound like a plausible explanation to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ramos28 Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 My sex life hasn't begun yet.p.s. oral sex with my girlfiend I am still a virgin roflcopter haha, yeah i know what you mean . that was once in highschool, 5 years ago. i'm too superstitious, and i am trying to think logically and be reasonable, but its hard to get over it. Any similar experiences. Any had hard times overcomming guilt, and but leant how to enjoy and be free in their sexuallity? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mriana Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I haven't had a sex life since my deconversion. What's sex? I was thinking about another question dealing with girls in the Bible belt and it dawned on me, they don't want sex. It's just an attempt to get what they didn't get when they were young. Thing is sex wasn't what they were missing. Problem is, I think as an adult, it is a little to late get those needs fulfilled. As for what is morally wrong, I think not wearing a condom during sex is wrong, but other than that, I really don't care what adults do in privacy. As for myself, I really haven't thought about it. I don't know if I would have the same feelings of guilt over sex that I did before deconversion. I do know what I want though- mental stimulation. Hey, intelligent and mentally stimulating conversation is a real turn on. I just can't find the intelligent man to deliver on the conversation in these parts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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