Something Christians Say That Always Gets Me

[Justin]

I recently heard several christians chatting amongst themselves about the "dead in christ shall rise". I have often heard, especially recently, christians discussing this. They say that upon christ's return to earth, the dead christians will actually get up out of their graves and walk about. These folks that i heard just the other day were saying how strange it would be for a corpse to come out of his casket as it is being lowered in the ground and how all the people who have went down with ships over time will rise up to the surface. These people actually believe this shit. Of all the christian bullshit, i think this has got to rank among the most absurd. Imagine the hoops the christian will have to jump through and the bullshit they will have to come up with in order to explain how people will break through their caskets, steel crypts and dig upwards through feet of dirt to get to the surface. Yet another reason i'm glad i left this insanity.

 

As a christain i always thought that if you died a christain, you would go immediatly to heaven. No waiting around in the ground for years and years till christ's return. Think about it. The christians who died 1,500 plus years ago are still there waiting. If christ returns tomorrow, then those who died today wouldn't have to wait long at all. Thats not fair at all. But anyway, what is this new fangled bull shit about dying and having to wait for christ's return. Was i the only one who was taught in church that if you die you will be in heaven right away? Remember what christ said to the sinner hung next to him? That he would be in paradise with him that night. What the hell?

[florduh]

"Night of the Living Dumb"

[Kurari]

Well THAT'S a new on me. I've never seen nor heard of this before.

 

Hot damn! I'm going back to Christianity! They've got zombies!

[highvoltage]

I actually did hear this when I was a xtian. I think it comes from 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17:

 

16For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.

 

Presumably this means that all of those who died before the second coming are still dead in the ground. They'll all rise from the dead at some point in the future, so make sure your well stocked on your shotgun ammo.

[Justin]

I actually did hear this when I was a xtian. I think it comes from 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17:

 

16For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.

 

Presumably this means that all of those who died before the second coming are still dead in the ground. They'll all rise from the dead at some point in the future, so make sure your well stocked on your shotgun ammo.

 

We'll catch up with them in the clouds and meet jesus coming down. Yes, because heaven is just up there in the sky.

[sarahgrace]

Here's how I worked this out when I was a Christian:

 

According to 1 Thess. 4:16-17, all would be resurrected to eternal life at the same time, so therefore going immediately to heaven at death was not how it would happen. That is just a comfort thought to hold on to. Instead, the theory was that at death, the person's soul is in a state of stasis (soul sleep) with no awareness of the passage of time or space. So when Jesus calls up the dead, to the soul of the person who had died in 400 CE it would SEEM like he or she had proceeded immediately from temporal life to afterlife, because it would feel as if no time had passed. The resurrection would be a spiritual one, not a physical one; that way the believing souls will be equipped with their new "glorified" bodies and those who opted for cremation won't be utterly fucked.

 

It made sense to me at the time.

[GypsyMoon]

I found this subject really confusing but it was one of the ones that was majored on where I was (my mother wrote a song about it )

 

But it makes no sense at all... For one thing, how can anyone have a soul, when animals dont? And anyway, even if we DID have souls, how can we actually be separated, and then be joined back together again? And how can god send our soul to either heaven or hell, keep the spirit himself, and then leave the body on earth?? None of it makes any sense at all to me.

[R. S. Martin]

I pretty much had the same idea sarahgrace outlined but not quite as clearly defined. However, it has always been very, very clear to me from Day 1 that the part that survived death was NOT a physical body.

 

I remember when I was perhaps five or six years old standing on a chair and looking into the coffin of a neighbour lady who had died. Mom had probably explained the basics of death to me. I remember the weird feeling of unrealness that this was her and yet it wasn't. I had known her well. We had often visited her during her illness. I don't know what her illness was but it was a long-term illness. She was single and lived with her mother. Visiting her is just part of my childhood memories. Now she was dressed in white and couldn't hear or see us, even when Mom and I were right there next to her.

 

I did not yet have any religious training about heaven at that age that I remember. I would have been taken to church and dressed in our traditional dress but that was just normal everyday life. We had no Sunday School. The religious teachings about God that I remember came later. Thus, when they said "we" go to heaven or hell when we die, it stood to reason that it was the soul that went to those places. The body remained behind and was buried.

 

Truth be told, I don't know if this is what my people believed but it most certainly is what I have always believed. The theological part that does not add up for me is about the Great Judgment. At funerals, the preachers always talk as though the deceased were in heaven or at rest. In all other sermons, they preach as though the most likely outcome for most of us were an eternity in hell; there's so many rules--all of which are designed to keep us out of hell but breaking any one of them counts as disobedience, which is as the sin of witchcraft. The decision as to who goes to heaven and who goes to hell will not be known until the Great Judgment after the End of the World.

 

At that time, the Judge will sit on his throne, pull out the Book of Life. Those found therein will be directed to his right hand for an eternity in heaven. Those not found therein will be directed to his left hand to an eternity in hell. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. ~Jesus.

 

I'm not sure which book; I'd look in Matt. 24.

 

So how can all of us be headed for hell so long as we are alive, but the moment we die, suddenly the ministers withdraw and hand over judgment to God and talk as though the deceased were at peace and rest. I could see who was keeping the rules and who was crowding the fence. These people died the same as did the "good" people.

 

And anyway, how could they be in heaven instantly after death, while also having to wait for the Great Judgment to know their final verdict? This conundrum did not occur to me until after I was out but it is really inconsistent. Today, I believe that death of the body is The End. That was a real consolation to me when standing at my mother's open grave two years ago.

[mwc]

When you die it is your physical body that "sleeps." Your "soul" or "spirit" (whatever you call the pretend supernatural part of yourself) goes to heaven or hell.

 

Then, when the "jesus" makes his big return your physical body gets a makeover into a "resurrected" body. What this really means no one knows because the only example we have is from "jesus" and his still had all sorts of nail/spear holes in it but it did have the ability to magically (dis)appear like a ghost.

 

At this same time your soul/spirit is taken from heaven/hell and stuffed into your "new" body. So whatever benefit, if any, there is to being pure soul/spirit is lost at this time. We're told that "god" is in this form (though there are numerous descriptions saying otherwise) so I suppose we should assume that existing as pure soul/spirit is the "perfect" form of existence. Enjoy it while you can (if you get the chance).

 

Once you're stuffed back into a body of some sort you will then be judged. Those who are "not worthy" will be basically returned to the "hell" (lake of fire) they were just removed from in order to get stuffed into a body so they could be judged. Those who were in "heaven" will not be allowed back into heaven but will get placed on a "new (to you)" earth. Like being in soul/spirit form enjoy "heaven" while you can (if you get the chance).

 

It makes perfect sense like all of "god's" plans.

 

mwc

[Brutal Brian]

[gypsy79]

Here's how I worked this out when I was a Christian:

 

According to 1 Thess. 4:16-17, all would be resurrected to eternal life at the same time, so therefore going immediately to heaven at death was not how it would happen. That is just a comfort thought to hold on to. Instead, the theory was that at death, the person's soul is in a state of stasis (soul sleep) with no awareness of the passage of time or space. So when Jesus calls up the dead, to the soul of the person who had died in 400 CE it would SEEM like he or she had proceeded immediately from temporal life to afterlife, because it would feel as if no time had passed. The resurrection would be a spiritual one, not a physical one; that way the believing souls will be equipped with their new "glorified" bodies and those who opted for cremation won't be utterly fucked.

 

It made sense to me at the time.

 

Ditto. That's exactly what I thought when I was an xian.

 

Edited to add: My parents believed the same thing except they were scared of cremation. They think it is ungodly or some such to be cremated. I assume this is why, combined with the stories of burial in the Bible, that they think burial is only the way to go.

[BeckyJ]

Oh my God, I love zombie movies!! I volunteer to be the girl who screams a lot and runs around manically but somehow manages to not get killed!

[Skeptic]

Yeah, I never got that, either. I also believed that people who died got judged immediately as to whether they'd go to heaven or hell. I had heard before, though, that people will get brought back from the dead, but it was hard to reconcile in my mind, so I instantly discarded it. Why bring people back to life just to have them die again and get judged again? For dramatic effect? So Jesus can have a zombie army at the time of tribulation? It makes no sense to me. It's fun to speculate, though lol.

[Ramen666]

[Vendredie]

The End Times are near!