Rashshunal Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Hey guys, first post here. I'm glad I found this site, as reading the testimonials and reading the forums has helped me immensely in dealing with all the madness, Anyways, I'm posting to ask for advice on HOW do I (A closest Atheist) deal with the stress of having to hear my parents (Which I love to death) spewing the most venomous things about people, simply because they aren't on the same "team"? Allow me to explain, I enjoy spending time with my parents, my dad is at work till later in the day and my mom is pretty busy as well, so I enjoy their company on the weekends. It was a BEAUTIFUL Sunday this week for my area, 70 degrees, a great breeze. My parents are outside relaxing. I figured I'd go out and relax, bad idea. I've been noticing that more and more lately, my dad is like overflowing with this hatred that he HAS TO let out or he will burst. Maybe it's Obama being in office, and all these changes that are contradictory with his (and my moms) HEAVY HEAVY Republican Fundie views, but its like any moment not spent at church, sleeping, or working, its spent talking about all these different people who just NEED gods wrath to be POURED down on them. And once my dad gets going, its only a matter of time till my mom is following right after talking about all these "idiots" and "fools" who reject the "truth" of god. My dad starts talking to me, telling me all these basic stories of how Jesus died on the cross, and how people who don't believe in god are fools and that he believes it because "ITS THE TRUTH!" As if this is some piece of unknown knowledge everyone needs to know. What I was hoping to a relaxing Sunday evening was this awkward, bitter, rant that lasted well after I left (I made up some excuse to get the hell out of there since they couldn't change the subject, they never can.) My parents don't know I am no longer Christian, and its clear that I have a good reason. Its scary, and it makes me depressed to see them like this. Its like the only thing driving them to keep living is that all these people who don't agree with them are going to be burning in a furnace for eternity and that they will live happily ever after. I've heard them talking about how atheists and liberals (And anyone else who happens to not be Christian) have no direction and are living pointless, GODLESS lives. Is your life better? Its like my parents turn into completely different people and the only thing I can do to stop from screaming at how wrong they are and how insane they sound is leaving the room before I start saying things that will only go in a bad direction. This irrational hate is one of the big reasons I completely abandoned the faith, there is nothing GOOD about a religion that turns otherwise kind and caring people into monsters. So, if you've been where I am now (And you read all that ) How did you cope with it? Not a day can pass without hearing something like I just described, and its starting to make me feel depressed, thinking of all the people that are exactly like my parents, people who NEED fire and brimstone to legitimatize their existence.. I don't know how much longer I can go without saying damn the consequences and telling my parents what I think of their god and religion. Peace, and thanks for any advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
highvoltage Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Its like the only thing driving them to keep living is that all these people who don't agree with them are going to be burning in a furnace for eternity and that they will live happily ever after. I've heard them talking about how atheists and liberals (And anyone else who happens to not be Christian) have no direction and are living pointless, GODLESS lives. Is your life better? Its like my parents turn into completely different people and the only thing I can do to stop from screaming at how wrong they are and how insane they sound is leaving the room before I start saying things that will only go in a bad direction. This irrational hate is one of the big reasons I completely abandoned the faith, there is nothing GOOD about a religion that turns otherwise kind and caring people into monsters. So, if you've been where I am now (And you read all that ) How did you cope with it? Not a day can pass without hearing something like I just described, and its starting to make me feel depressed, thinking of all the people that are exactly like my parents, people who NEED fire and brimstone to legitimatize their existence.. I don't know how much longer I can go without saying damn the consequences and telling my parents what I think of their god and religion. Peace, and thanks for any advice. Hi Rashshunal. Welcome to Ex-C. My situation sounds a lot like yours. I'm currently living with my parents who are both devout christians, and I'm an atheist. My mom works at Focus on the Family (James Dobson's group, maybe you've heard of them) and they're both hard-core republicans. They've either got Rush Limbaugh going on the radio, or O'Reilly on the television, or they're talking about the latest thing Obama's doing wrong, or what have you. It drives me up the wall! One thing I've learned from personal experience, is to just avoid discussing politics/religion at all costs with them, or any of their fundy friends who come over. I love my parents to death, but that hasn't stopped me from completely losing it a couple of times and end up saying some things I really wish I hadn't. You can't reason with religious fundamentalists. I just excuse myself and go to my room whenever politics or religion comes up, or I go out for a bike ride, or anything to just get out that situation. BTW, I'm not in the closet about my atheism, and they both know it. Maybe that helps, so that they're not constantly bringing up religion/politics around me since they know it bothers me. Sometimes they do anyway, but I think they don't bring it up as much as they would if they didn't know what I believed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagan Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 What highvoltage said. And move out as soon as you're old enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Hi, welcome to the site. Sounds a lot like certain family members I have. Luckily I only see them once or twice a year. The advice I would have depends on a number of things. Are you a minor or an adult? Do you still live with your parents? Many people have had to distance themselves from their more religious extremist family members for peace of mind. If you find that you simply cannot avoid discussing religion or politics with them, distancing yourself from them may be your best option. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Welcome to the forums Rashshunal. The only thing you can really do about this is move far away as soon as you are able. Make it more than a day's drive. Geographic distance is the trick. I don't know how much longer I can go without saying damn the consequences and telling my parents what I think of their god and religion Put some distance between you so that you don't need to hear their views often so you can cope. People are very tied into their religion emotionally such that its a part of them. Its very likely if you tell them you reject the religion they may look at it as if you are rejecting them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chefranden Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Become the master of changing the subject, "Hey how about those Yankees?" "Let's go for a walk!" "Anyone for horse shoes?" "Remember when Suzy dropped that bowling ball on her toe?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Become the master of changing the subject, "Hey how about those Yankees?" "Let's go for a walk!" "Anyone for horse shoes?" "Remember when Suzy dropped that bowling ball on her toe?" My dad's fav is "what's the price of eggs in China?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Welcome, Rashshunal. I never had to deal with your living situation, so I'll stay out of the way of the many good people here who can offer first hand experience. I just wanted to welcome you. Your question in this thread is exactly what this site was created for. Loren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted May 6, 2009 Super Moderator Share Posted May 6, 2009 Almost everyone has some serious issues with their parents as they approach adulthood. Usually, the transitional period when a child begins to become their own person gets a little rocky since parents are used to the role of nurturing and guiding, but the kid is ready to think for himself. To prove that you can think for yourself, you must adopt positions opposite to those of the parents, hence the term Rebellious Youth. Kids need to rebel against something, and it could be their parents' religion, racial prejudices, or just their manner of speech or dress. A lot of guys hate the military because their father was a gung-ho soldier who ran the home like an army base. It's a normal state of affairs. You will never change their views, but when you become a self-sufficient adult you can have less contact with them, and just accept them for who they are - for short periods of time, of course! Hang in for now, your time will come soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rashshunal Posted May 6, 2009 Author Share Posted May 6, 2009 Thanks for all the replies guys. I happened to write this right after one of the situations I described, so my original post might've sounded kind of rantish. I'd have to do some editing to the OP so it made more sense, but I got the advice I was looking for, and I think you guys understood what I was getting at well enough. The advice was much appreciated, thanks again =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 You could tell them that you had become a (gasp) liberal!!!! Then follow up with a quick "just kidding, I'm just an atheist." Welcome to the boards. Many of us have the parental problem, me included, and I'm over 50. Mine are old and about 3 inches shy of a full pond so laying my "confession" on them would accomplish nothing. Of course I don't live there and can beat a hasty retreat when necessary. I can hear my wife calling me from 3 miles away. I would take Chef's advice and try and change the subject. Or suddenly take up study of a new "language" and practice it with dad when he gets started. Rattling off nonsense for a few minutes will disrupt the conversation. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AKR Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Almost everyone has some serious issues with their parents as they approach adulthood. Usually, the transitional period when a child begins to become their own person gets a little rocky since parents are used to the role of nurturing and guiding, but the kid is ready to think for himself. To prove that you can think for yourself, you must adopt positions opposite to those of the parents, hence the term Rebellious Youth. Kids need to rebel against something, and it could be their parents' religion, racial prejudices, or just their manner of speech or dress. A lot of guys hate the military because their father was a gung-ho soldier who ran the home like an army base. It's a normal state of affairs. You will never change their views, but when you become a self-sufficient adult you can have less contact with them, and just accept them for who they are - for short periods of time, of course! Hang in for now, your time will come soon. It sounds like you are discounting his beliefs/opinions as if they are just a matter of rebellion. That seems rather presumptuous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted May 7, 2009 Super Moderator Share Posted May 7, 2009 It sounds like you are discounting his beliefs/opinions as if they are just a matter of rebellion. That seems rather presumptuous. I didn't mean to sound dismissive. Still, it is rebellion - even though I believe it is justified since I agree with him. Parents always see strong disagreement in their children as rebellion, so I would treat it that way as well. After all, it is the perception of the parents he's dealing with. He is in fact rebelling against their values and beliefs, but he's not doing so just to be difficult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mlewis Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 Sounds like my situation. My parents don't know that I (and my fiance) are atheists but I still live with them. But the thing is, I have 7 siblings and of those 6 or 5 I know are christian. Well, they might all be but a couple still act like normal humans. But 6 of my siblings are married to people just like them and I have 15 nieces and nephews that are following in their footsteps. Holidays and any time my family is together is hell for me! Every single one of them is talking just like your parents, even some of the kids. I just tune my ears out and if I can sneak away I do. I don't bring up any of the topics that they might get into conversations of that sort about. Unfortunately, with some family members that means I just can't talk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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