TheYoYo Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 I know a lot of people on here have had some really bad experiences of telling people they were no longer Christians. I've read about people losing their friends, or having people focus only on reconverting them. Has anyone actually had people just be really nice to them? Reading about other people's experiences has made me worry that this might just be their initial reaction and that when they realise this isn't just a phase of doubt, they'll turn nasty. I went to church today for the last time, and at the end I spoke to the vicar and said goodbye. I told him that although I'll still be living in the area, I won't be coming to church, because I don't believe in any of it anymore, and that on reflection I don't think I ever had good reasons to believe. And he didn't say anything critical at all. He said that he respects me. I also told my former accountability partner, a couple of weeks ago, and said that whilst it was really hard while I was coming to terms with my loss of faith, I'm actually feeling really positive now. And she just said that whilst she thinks life is better with Jesus, she's pleased I've reached a place where I'm happy. Basically, everyone has been really ok about it. It makes me feel like it's not such a big deal afterall, even though I was really scared about telling them before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RankStranger Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 I hope things continue to go well for you. Christians are people like anybody else... and their reactions will be all over the map. A good friend of mine- who I've known since second grade- is about as as devout a Christian as you'll ever meet. I didn't tell him about my non-belief for YEARS because I remembered how he'd reacted to other atheists. But it came up in conversation a couple years ago, and he took it really well- didn't seem all that surprised. Nowadays, he sneaks Christian Talking Points into the conversation now and then- sometimes I take the bait if I feel like arguing, other times I ignore it. But he's been really decent about the whole thing. But then other people have pretty much lost their families over the same thing. I think a lot of it depends on your situation in life. This observation isn't so much about Christians as it's about humans in general- part of how people treat you will depend on how much they can get away with... including how dependant (emotionally, financially, etc.) you are on them. I won't claim to be an island unto myself... but I don't really depend on anybody else (other than my heathen wife) for ANYTHING. Friends and family really CAN'T hold anything over me- so they don't. But if I was still living at home and/or working for family members, I suspect things would be different. BTW- congradulations on freeing yourself of the Jesus Meme. I've seen your posts around here and knew you'd been fence-sitting for a while. It's a great feeling knowing that your every move and thought is no longer being scrutinized by some big tempermental magic-man in the sky. I am, however, concerned about your eternal fate. Are you familiar with the Power and the Glory of the FSM? Wouldn't want you to spend eternity with flat beer and second-rate strippers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeker630 Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Basically, everyone has been really ok about it. It makes me feel like it's not such a big deal afterall, even though I was really scared about telling them before. I was raised very strict Roman Catholic. I came out about 12 years ago I think, and I have yet to lose a friend or relative over it. A few have been surprised by it, but no one has given me any serious shit about it either. This is going to depend on your friends and family, your co-workers or whatnot. What kind of religious background do you have? You use the word "Vicar", so I assume you are not in the U.S., but maybe in the U.K. or one of the Commonwealth countries? Are you C of E perhaps? I can assure you that if you were coming out of a bunch of nutters like the Assembly of God, the Church of God, the Mormons or some of the other fundy church groups in this country it could be a very different scenario indeed. Some of those assholes actually practice shunning and stuff. JW's too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cracked Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 I went to church today for the last time, and at the end I spoke to the vicar and said goodbye. I told him that although I'll still be living in the area, I won't be coming to church, because I don't believe in any of it anymore, and that on reflection I don't think I ever had good reasons to believe. And he didn't say anything critical at all. He said that he respects me. I have an xtian friend that likes to come over and exchange ideas about xanity and atheism. A couple of weeks ago during a typical conversation we were having, he kept saying he should not be talking to me about this, reason being was that it would make me more firm in my lack of belief (I guess some people have false hopes that people will go back to the insanity of xanity). I'm not saying that's what your friend was doing, but it's possible that's what his intent was. Keep the positive attitude and you'll do fine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeker630 Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 A couple of weeks ago during a typical conversation we were having, he kept saying he should not be talking to me about this, reason being was that it would make me more firm in my lack of belief Think about this for a minute-----he's afraid that you'll sink deeper into disbelief? The question you need to ask him is------why is that? And then turn his own intellectual juices loose on him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheYoYo Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 I was raised very strict Roman Catholic. I came out about 12 years ago I think, and I have yet to lose a friend or relative over it. A few have been surprised by it, but no one has given me any serious shit about it either. This is going to depend on your friends and family, your co-workers or whatnot. What kind of religious background do you have? You use the word "Vicar", so I assume you are not in the U.S., but maybe in the U.K. or one of the Commonwealth countries? Are you C of E perhaps? I can assure you that if you were coming out of a bunch of nutters like the Assembly of God, the Church of God, the Mormons or some of the other fundy church groups in this country it could be a very different scenario indeed. Some of those assholes actually practice shunning and stuff. JW's too. Well guessed. I am indeed in the UK, and the church in question is C of E. At the same time, it isn't very traditional C of E. They're very into healing and prophecy and stuff like that, which I bet a lot of C of E churches don't even believe in at all. They're a bit nuttier than you'd expect from an Anglican church, but at the same time, you're definitely right that it makes a huge difference. Whilst obviously it is upsetting for some of my Christian friends (some of them are liberal enough to not think I'm going to hell, which is quite nice to know, and means they're less upset), it is very normal to be an atheist here. No issues with my family - both my parents are atheists anyway, I became a Christian at university. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cracked Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 A couple of weeks ago during a typical conversation we were having, he kept saying he should not be talking to me about this, reason being was that it would make me more firm in my lack of belief Think about this for a minute-----he's afraid that you'll sink deeper into disbelief? The question you need to ask him is------why is that? And then turn his own intellectual juices loose on him. I've only heard his statement used in reverse, so it did catch me by surprise, but by the time he made the statement I was so mentally exhausted from answering his machine gunned questions, I just wanted out of the conversation and chose to let it go. TheYoYo, sounds like you have a good family and parents too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 most Christians who found out about me turning atheist still treat me nice if they see me but they just ended any contact with me and most of my relationships silently died, am not sure what was worse the outspoken judgmental Christians or the ones who called me friend but never bothered to contact me now going on 3 months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponymic Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Has anyone actually had people just be really nice to them? Reading about other people's experiences has made me worry that this might just be their initial reaction and that when they realise this isn't just a phase of doubt, they'll turn nasty. There are some of each. Some are genuinely happy for you, and some are just putting on a face to look like good Christians. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Perhaps the nice ones are the ones who still believe in the power of prayer. I've had a xtains praying for me for over 15 years to come back to church. Hasn't worked yet... BTW, congrats on freeing yourself of the meme! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightflight Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 When did all this happen?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Be ware. Your friends may be nice now, but only because their in perhaps a state of some shock. They may start to be a bit petulant in the beginning and perhaps, but hopfully not, out and out hostility in the not too distant future. Just brace yourself. I agree. Be careful who you disclose your unbelief to. You may have some people who are rude and refuse to be your friend. At least you will learn who are truly your friends, and who are not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShallowByThyGame Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 No offense but the UK is not like the deep south of the US. Here religion is so politicized many people feel you are either with them or against them, it's very tribal. Also there is more rural area here and isolation generally makes the issue worse. The bumper stickers around here can chill you to the bone. Personally I didn't really have church friends since i went to one in a different town. Parents took it hard but we avoid the issue and stay amicable. Some co-workers of mine go to church but know better than to go beyond then 'do you go?' 'nah' exchange. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeker630 Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 No offense but the UK is not like the deep south of the US. Here religion is so politicized many people feel you are either with them or against them, it's very tribal. Bolding mine-------well put and really accurate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueGiant Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Well, some of my friends weren't all that surprised, but then again, most of my friendships weren't built around religion (they were built around pulling our collective asses out of the fires we'd occasionally start). Some I lost contact with. Most weren't surprised that I have decided to leave, and they agree that the crowd I fell in with later on was pretty warped. We tend to remind eachother that people on the other side of the fence aren't complete assholes, and that people do do nice things despite themselves. As far as family, well, they know I have issues with organized religion, though I am very well versed in several forms of it, and while arguments can be fun, there's a time and place for them, and at the end of the day, we're still family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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