Mling Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Hey all! I think I might have posted on these forums a while ago, under a different name, but I have no idea what that name was, so "Hi, as if it's the first time!" Here's my situation: I grew up in a Christian home, went to church, was confirmed, went to christian camp, loved it, went to a christian college--voluntarily. Started having serious, undeniable doubts around the time that I graduated, three years ago, and have been decidedly without faith for about a year and a half or so. Over that course of time I went from "Well, I guess I'm not Christian, but I try to follow Christ," to "I really don't think that there's a personal god at all." I reached the near-atheist stage that year and a half ago, and have been slipping into 'I-don't-care-ism" ever sense. Like most people here, I have a fair bit of resentment for the wasted time and energy and lost potential experiences, not to mention the feelings of pointless restriction. My thing is....there's really nobody to resent. My family taught me to think for myself, and to be critical of any claims of miracles. It was a very scientific household, and the Bible was not exempt. The church I grew up in is extremely liberal--our Mission's trips were about true service, in the form of physical labor to aid those who needed help, and never involved evangelism of any sort. I recently found out that a person I had worked with on those trips, and who has demonstrate the utmost respect for me, has believed I was Wiccan for many years. Ultimately, they are wonderful people, and in nearly every case, their faith has inspired them to be better. Likely, it gave them the incentive to *do* what they might have supported in the abstract, or monetarily, without the church community or force of religion behind it. I can't fault them for being what they are, or for teaching what they did...but should any of them ask me why I left the faith...my answer is that I grew out of it. I believe it to be a lie, and an ultimately harmful one, at that. Yes...I can think of the wonderfully sweet mother-figure who I adore, and who just graduated from seminary and...be both proud that she's accomplished something so meaningful to her, and saddened that she has chosen to devote her life to a hollow lie. I go back to the church once in a while, with my family on holidays, and I see these people now with a hint of sadness. And a hint of guilt. My current views are inherently disrespectful towards what they value most, and I have this fear of someday having to explain this to them. Has anybody ever had to have that conversation? "I see that which has inspired you to be wonderful as ultimately being part of a world-wide political deception, but I don't see you as being any less for it" ? That just...doesn't make sense and I think maybe I *do* see them as being less for it. As being childish for needing it, even though I haven't done anything especially great since I left. I don't know what to do with any of my feelings here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mling Posted July 17, 2009 Author Share Posted July 17, 2009 And just to continue...my church never once taught on the perils of hell, or how much better Christians are than other people. One Sunday school teacher, and her visiting friend, did mention such ideas, and lamented the victims of 9/11 who weren't Christian, because they were in Hell. A meeting was held, and they were told they were loved and welcomed...but that our church doesn't believe that only Christians go to heaven, and they can't teach it to the kids. They chose to leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
highvoltage Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 I go back to the church once in a while, with my family on holidays, and I see these people now with a hint of sadness. And a hint of guilt. My current views are inherently disrespectful towards what they value most, and I have this fear of someday having to explain this to them. Has anybody ever had to have that conversation? "I see that which has inspired you to be wonderful as ultimately being part of a world-wide political deception, but I don't see you as being any less for it" ? That just...doesn't make sense and I think maybe I *do* see them as being less for it. As being childish for needing it, even though I haven't done anything especially great since I left. I don't know what to do with any of my feelings here. Hi, welcome back. I know exactly what you mean, that sounds almost like how I feel. The only difference is that I don't/won't go to church any more with my family because their church is a very fundamentalist one. I do understand how you feel about caring for people but can't help looking down on their religion. I don't bring it up because I don't want to hurt anyone, but I actually hold quite a negative view of christianity, especially fundie xtianity but even the liberal variety as well. I just try to look beyond their religion. It's hard for me since I was a fundie for most of my life and religion still seems to play a role in how I view other people and the world even though I'm an atheist now. But I still try to look beyond their religious views and see people for who they really are, simply as people. It sounds like the person you worked with on the mission trips who thought you were a Wiccan has a wonderful outlook to emulate. Despite his belief that you were not christian he still treated you with utmost respect. I've know a few people like that myself, and that's what I want to be like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Davka Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Has anybody ever had to have that conversation? "I see that which has inspired you to be wonderful as ultimately being part of a world-wide political deception, but I don't see you as being any less for it" ? That just...doesn't make sense and I think maybe I *do* see them as being less for it. As being childish for needing it, even though I haven't done anything especially great since I left. Hey, Mling - welcome! I've had very similar experiences - no real abuse, Christians have generally been decent folks in my experience, so no bitterness on my part. But yeah, my beliefs at this point include "Christianity is a scam that requires followers to embrace cognitive dissonance." The thing is, I myself embraced that cognitive dissonance for many years, and it sounds like you did as well. So I'm not any better or smarter than those people, just because at this point in time I no longer believe a fairy-tale and they still do. In fact, I happen to know from experience that their fairy-tale can bring great comfort and a measure of peace - and this makes me not really want to burst their bubble. If they're happy in their delusion, that's fine with me, just so long as they don't try to legislate their faith system. You are no better or worse than your Christian friends and family. You simply happen to be at a different time in your life than they are. If they are less for believing it, then you, too are less for having once believed it. Humans. You can't live with 'em, and you can't shoot 'em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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