★ Citsonga ★ Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 I was raised in a Christian environment where we always prayed ("asked the blessing," as some would call it) before meals. Now as an agnostic I don't bother doing that, but when I get together with extended family, the standard practice is of course to have a prayer time before starting the meal. Now, one positive aspect of the prayer before the meal is that everyone is together as a group and the prayer seems to help avoid a chaotic start. Superstition aside, prayer does help keep things organized. So, I'm curious what people of non-religious family gatherings do before mealtime. I mean, I'd personally rather drop the praying bit (which won't realistically happen, of course, considering my religious relatives), but at the same time I am curious if there are any other methods to keep the group organized at mealtime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Davka Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 I'd like to know too. We still do the traditional Jewish candle-lighting and prayer over bread and wine on Friday nights, just as a family tradition. I enjoy it. But the rest of the time, there's kind of an awkward pause before we eat. Any alternatives to the blessing would be appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted July 20, 2009 Super Moderator Share Posted July 20, 2009 I don't know why there's a problem. Everyone I know (now) just starts eating when the food is on the plate. If someone happens to be with us at a meal and wants to pray, they just do it as the rest of us fight over the salt shaker. On special occasions (such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.) I like to acknowledge and thank the turkey/cow/pig who gave his life, the farmer who raised it, the trucker who took it to market, the employer who made it possible to afford such gluttony, and everyone else responsible for putting food on my table. The prayer, stripped of its superstitious trappings, is really just a way to remind us we are lucky to have good food, friends and family to share it with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VacuumFlux Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I've toyed with the idea of replacing religious rituals with "science" (in quotes because I got the idea from the silly assertion that atheists worship the science idol). If much of religion is like just-so stories, or meant to make us aware of the greater reality that we are part of (as in florduh's example), and to provide a reassuring social tradition, why not run with that idea? Replace the superstition with fun facts. It would take a little bit more work, but I think it would be fun. Maybe before dinner you look up some fact about our food production system, the economics of food, some biological fact about a piece of the meal... anything educational and relevant. It would be a great way to develop an awareness of how we as individual fit into society, and how we as humans fit into our ecosystem. It would also be a way to get kids to see that science is an everyday useful thing, not an expensive pursuit of social misfits in ivory towers. For example: Today, let us enjoy the basil that garnishes our meal. Basil, Ocimum basilicum [this is where you either impress your family with your latin, or give them a comedy moment], is part of the Lamiaceae family, which includes many other herbs with tasty leaves (like mint, rosemary, oregano, and thyme). Enjoy! (source is Wikipedia.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulQ Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I usually quietly butter my bun, pepper my veggies, and pour the gravy while they are saying their "Grace." They all have their eyes closed, so it shouldn't matter to them what I'm doing anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RabbleRabble Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I just had a large family bbq not long ago so this is pretty timely. What happens at family gatherings is generally decided by whoever is hosting. So if it's someone on my side of the family there is a prayer during which non-believers remain respectfully silent. If it's me or my in-laws running things then generally someone will go around informing people that food is ready. Once everyone is gathered there's a simple "Let's eat!" I can see what you mean about a prayer keeping things organized but it seems that there are other good ways. A short speech thanking everyone for coming and suited for the occasion should do the same thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chefranden Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I almost always serve buffet style. I let my wife go first. Then I call the herd. They load up and sit down to eat. I get the hell out of the kitchen to avoid being trampled. When they are all done, I get mine. The chaos seems to work fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShallowByThyGame Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I go by the secular tradition of "Eat when the last person is served or when the last person is seated if 'serve yourself' applies" There is also the tradition of 'toasting' with wine before beginning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev R Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 you could try replacing thanking "god" for the food with thanking the person who cooked the meal. here is part of a Buddhist meal blessing I came across. tweak it to your preferences and you should come up with something pretty nice. this food is the gift of the whole universe,each morsel a sacrifice of life, may I be worthy to receive it. ... I am grateful for this food... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 Thanks for the varying perspectives, everyone. Though my family's get-tegethers are bound to continue having prayers before the meals, it is interesting to see what other options others have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OpheliaGinger Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 My family rarely ever prays before a meal (unless there is a large family gathering). When they do say a prayer, I just sneak out of the room. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nomadic techno-gypsy Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I've taken to sitting in zazen for about 30 seconds before eating. . .gives me time to let all the crap I've been thinking about just fade away, and I can enjoy being HERE, NOW, EATING, not thinking about anything else, anyplace else, at any other time. Helps keep the hiccups at bay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KKnox Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Raise a toast. Cheers! My 3 year old twins love doing this with their apple juice/milk while my wife and I have our beer/wine. Or after the last person is served/seated, the host can exclaim "Bon appetit!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaisedPB Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 At home with just my family, we serve it up and eat. One thing I have started doing with my kids, 12 and 13, to get them thinking about morality outside the threat of god sending them to hell is to have a discussion about a morality topic during dinner. We started with some of the 10 commandments, and why it is bad to lie or good to tell the truth, etc. outside of because god or the bible says so. It has lead to some really good discussions and I have seen some impressive insights from both of them. I know that's not a beginning of the meal thing, but it's one way that I've tried to add a non-religious tradition to our dinner times. At my parents' house or out with them at a restaurant, it's still pray for every meal.... Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mongo Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 I'd like to know too. We still do the traditional Jewish candle-lighting and prayer over bread and wine on Friday nights, just as a family tradition. I enjoy it. But the rest of the time, there's kind of an awkward pause before we eat. Any alternatives to the blessing would be appreciated. Well there you have it! Light a candle. Just make sure everyone is seated before lighting the candle. Take turns. We often eat with a candle at the table. The kids like it. We don't make it formal but I suppose with some effort you could make it more ritualistic (ritual is about having good props). Mongo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mongo Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 I go by the secular tradition of "Eat when the last person is served or when the last person is seated if 'serve yourself' applies" There is also the tradition of 'toasting' with wine before beginning. I like the idea of toasting. Maybe different people could be called upon to make a toast that must begin with thanking those that prepared the meal. Suggested order of commencement... - Light candle - Make toast - Dig in Mongo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snafutopia Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 I love VacuumFlux's and Rev R's ideas! One new thing I've tentatively begun trying, in a perhaps futile effort to get away from the requisite prayer we seem to have to have anytime our daughter and her husband are eating with us, is to just start talking about thankfulness. Just in a light tone, say to the grandchildren, "What a wonderful thing it is, to have food and be together and happy. What are you thankful for today?" Suggesting things like "Mommy", "Daddy," "pineapple", "water," etc. Just keep it light and friendly, and begin eating. It just occurred to me recently that the only time there is prayer in our house is when we're having a meal with our daughter and her husband. They're sweet kids, truly dear to us, but they're fundies, and while they have the right to pray anywhere they want to, of course, this is our home and we're just not into prayer -- I'm agnostic/atheist and my husband even though he's still a Baptist he's more of a cerebral sort of person and doesn't feel comfortable about the whole issue of prayer. So, I decided it was time to slowly transitioning to a non-prayer / non-religious "meal time ritual". At least, I have to try. Sometimes, I just feel overwhelmed and life as a nonbeliever here in the rural south is making me totally nuts! (uh ok, so it's a short trip! lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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