What Should I Do About My Religious Family?

[Lucifereus]

Hello everyone, I am new to here. I am very glad to have learned about this site, and hear other's stories. I was raised in Christian household, and when I was about 8, my mom decided she wanted us to go to Church on a regular basis, so we went to Church for about 3 or 4 years and she got busy with work and taxes and whatnot and we just stopped going. I try to avoid discussing religion with her because she will think she failed as a parent if she finds out about my disbelief. Anyways, in the past 8 months or so, I began questioning Christianity and God, and learned much about atheistic viewpoints and basically anything non-Christian, and I found out it was not what was shoved down my throat when I was a child, and it was most logical, and I could not find one, not even one logical reason to believe in God. That really put a knife in my belief. I began to watch shows like "the Atheist Experience" and saw the logic and reason in the arguments against God. I would say I've been in denial of religion and a deity for about 4 months now. But here is the thing, I have to live a lie. My mom still thinks I am Christian and all, she never thought I might not believe the same things she does, just because she was raised that way, and has never questioned it. Also, my aunt and uncle are fundamentalist Christians, and they are just plain crazy, thinking things like the earth is the center of the solar system.....I honestly didn't know anyone thought that anymore, until my uncle told me. Well, they are very strong Christians and anything they discuss is about God and Jesus and Christianity, they hand out pocket bibles to complete strangers. That is a brief description. So lately I bought some shirts off ebay, and they displayed names/logos/images of anti-Christian bands, and so of course, my mom tries to rationalize this as by saying "You're naive, you don't know what the bands stood for", and she goes "You can't claim to believe in God and wear that type of clothing", the truth is she is arrogant in thinking I am Christian and believe in God, I have never directly claimed to be a Christian, I don't think I ever have in my life, although I did believe to my self I was a Christian. So lately I've been very torn inside, I desire very much to say right in her face that I deny God and all religion, but I do not because recently she said that she should inform my uncle of the music I listen to and clothing I wear, and that he would want me to move in with him to "save" my soul. Now, I can barely stand a day with my aunt and uncle.....it would literally be torture to live there..so I have to swallow my opinions and objections to Christianity and religion in general and do nothing about it. I feel terrible inside, torn apart and forced to live a lie. Is it worth it and revealing to everyone my views? Please help, I don't know what to do. And sorry for any errors/misspellings as this is my first post. I'm 14 years old and was planning on telling everyone about leaving Christianity once I had turned 18 or moved out on my own. It seems though that the time is closer than that. So please help advise me on what to do and thank you.

[FiddlingAround]

My sympathies, Luciferous. Since I haven't told my family, either, I know how it feels to let them keep assuming something about you that's fundamentally untrue. Your situation is a good deal harder, because I at least don't have to live with my family.

 

In the end, only you can decide what your family is willing to hear. In a perfect world, you could share your beliefs with your mother, knowing that you could be safe from being sent to live with psycho-uncle. You can't expect her to agree with you, of course, or to be happy about your decision, but it would be nice if she could deal with it without panicking, and continue to treat you each day as the same son she loves. From what you've told us so far, though, I would tentatively advise you to keep quiet for now, and stick it out until your 18 or until at some point the time seems right to break the news in a thoughtful, considerate, respectful manner. Religious differences aside, she is still your mother, and religion isn't a good enough reason to damage that relationship. That doesn't mean you can't be honest, just means it's not a good idea to blurt it out in a rage or be insulting about it.

 

Now, totally contradicting my "keep it to yourself advice" above, I offer this: maybe knowing that you're not just "too naive to know what the bands represent," that you've come to a mature, reasoned decision, might make her less likely to think you need to be shipped off to uncle for re-education.

 

Well. I haven't provided much solid advice, have I? Still, maybe having some arguments on each side will help you decide based on what you know about your mother and about your relationship with her.

[Lucifereus]

Thank you for the advise, fiddlingaround, and my mother is the type where she thinks I am being disrespectful if I disagree with her on things, I can see her saying "if you respected me you would be Christian" which is absolutely absurd, because I know she would say that, just because I was able to come to a decision with my own brain using logic. Well sorry for ranting some more, I'm just a big angry and sad. Thank you for the advice again.

[ShallowByThyGame]

Rest assured when you free yourself you will not regret it. It is important to keep studying and reading about atheism so that you can defend yourself against their attacks if and when they do come.

 

14 is very young and you should be proud of yourself for taking such initiative in your cognitive life. Of course it also means you are beholden to your parents.

 

If you wanted to express yourself a little you could become a devil's advocate, and pretend to be a believer but be really interested in theology and tough questions like those on evil and freewill that believers must always dance around. Demand scriptural support for their opinions, and then point out how contradictory that scripture is. I find it amusing that your mom doesn't go to church yet criticizes your t-shirts...anyway.

 

But I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to become a really good actor until you come of age. Not everyone has the strength and energy to take on their family, and there's no shame in protecting yourself.

 

You'll always have the internet to rant your frustrations

[Lucifereus]

Thank you for your advice, Shallowbythegame. I'll have to say something like "I don't discriminate against the bands because of their views." When the truth is I support the anti-religious thematic elements. I'm just so concerned because I'm not entirely sure of what her reaction to my disbelief might be....and when she said moving in with my crazy uncle that really scared me...As if a fundamentalist Christian could convert an atheist back to Christianity..lol. I am thinking what I'll do is pretend to be a very liberal Christian until I'm a little older. Thank you for the advice.

[Checkmate]

All good advice. I heartily support the liberal Christian/devil's advocate game plan. Simply pretend to go along with the BS, point out religious inconsistencies, have some fun at their expense and bide your time until you are a free adult. In other words, just live life like any NORMAL teenager suffering under an oppressive parent.

 

When you stop to think about it, your circumstances are no different than EVERY TEEN HUMAN BEING WHO HAS EVER LIVED IN THE HISTORY OF EARTH. I mean, what teen has ever NOT agreed fully with their parents and had to hide the Truth from them until they "grew up"?

 

You're 14 years old. I'm 49 years old. Trust me, speaking as a parent AND a child, I've seen it from BOTH sides. It's normal, expected and even healthy to hide certain facts from your parents. Hell, I'm STILL hiding stuff from my 85-year old mother! Not because I'm afraid of her, but because what I do is none of her damned business. And she sleeps easier this way.

 

Your situation is normal and it's not the end of the world. Grin and bear it. It's the standard parent-child relationship.

[greenhunter]

ok i thought i was the only one hiding crap that my mom doesn't need to know, not that she cares anyway, but i'd rather do it for my sake from hearing her lectures.

[Lucifereus]

Thanks everyone sorry for not being on in such a while I had completely forgot about this site. I guess I'll just hide my religious views like I hide masturbating and watching porn. Not so hard now that someone pointed that out.

[Guest worried]

Hi there I'm new as well

 

You and I are in almost the same exact spot as you are(I'm 15 btw) I had a little bit of religious upbringing when I was young. Went to church sometimes. When I was about 13 my parents started taking it more seriously. After coming out of a horrible situation I was suckered into it as well and was religious for a while.

 

Then I went to this sermon where this pastor was taking about the prosperity gospel. This got me thinking and I started to question the bible more and more. I'm not a atheist, I do believe in a God but I am still searching for certain answers. My parents still think I am religious however, and still buy me christian materiel and take me to religious concerts.

 

I have no objection in going to church or anything, but now I feel they have gone almost to the point of crazy. Recently these nutty people came and talked to my parents about the occult. Now I love lots of rock and metal, and now they have to do a background check on the bands I listen to, because they "don't want Satan to get me"

 

Personally I think this is a load of bollocks(sorry for the language) and expressed that I thought this sorta stuff was rubbish. They then went on to tell me that listening to music with "bad or sad messages" is also satanic, and that they are just trying to protect me. But I don't believe in what they are "protecting" me from.

 

I have no idea as well how to tell them. Of course them being my parents I do still love them, and I fear that it would break my mother's heart or they would not accept me for who I am.

 

I wish the best of luck to you cos I know how it is

[Amethyst]

I think it's up to you if you want to tell them. However, be aware that since you are not legally an adult yet, your family can and probably will restrict a lot of what you can do as a result. You may find yourself grounded or punished in other ways.

 

If you are really trying to lay low and not confront your mom, you might want to wait until you are out of your family's house before announcing to them you are not a Christian anymore. Also keep in mind you do not have to tell them; it is mainly the Christian meme that requires broadcasting to the entire world your religious beliefs. Your beliefs are your own business.