On The Topic Of Miracles

[XtianChris]

Disclaimer #1 (for ex-christians): I'd love to say that I expect some kind of wise response that would totally fix this problem for me, but I don't. I think I will deal with this for the rest of my life, and I'm prepared to. I'm not looking for a fix to the problem because I believe its too complex to expect one. The purpose of this post is just to vent and to share frustration with anyone else who deals with this same kind of issue.

 

Disclaimer #2 (for bible-thumping idiots who troll these posts): I don't believe in a deity, especially not after this incident. When I mention the name "God" or "Christ", it's simply to acknowledge that my entire family believes in it, that they are faithful Christians, and that I used to be a strong faithful Christian myself, so I'm simply using the language of the Christian.

 

My brother-in-law's wife recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy the other day. A couple days later they discovered he has a rare birth defect that has caused major brain damage. It's heartbreaking to hear, and I feel for them, but know that they will be excellent parents to their baby, regardless of his difficulties.

 

What pisses me off is that every piece of good news they receive about his condition they are calling a "miracle from God". His left eye isn't as fucked up as they thought it was...it's a miracle! He's not having as many seizures...it's a miracle! He moved his legs on his own...it's a miracle! Furthermore, a few members of my family believe in full restoration healing through God, and are doing their best to convince the parents to believe in a miraculous complete healing. The poor kid will probably never recover from his brain damage enough to be considered "normal", yet the family will continually expect that to happen.

 

The family has initially been angry with God, especially the mother. They are probably not feeling and thinking how they normally would, having gone through tremendous emotional roller-coasters, hormones all out-of-whack, and labor-inducing and other medication in the mix. In time (with family influence and reassurance), they will probably trust God completely and trust that it was his will that their little boy be born with the defect. The rationalizations include the hope that someday he'll be fully healed and will be a huge witness for Christ, that his defect is a test for the parents, that he was going to be born into the world with defects anyway so God wanted him to have good parents that will take the best care of him, that their faith is not strong enough to heal him, and other nonsensical religious crap. I just hate the thought that his family will spend so much time and energy looking for "God's will" in the situation rather than learning how to properly deal with it and create the best life possible for their precious little boy.

 

I sit back wanting to say so much that will actually help the situation, listening to the hocus-pocus religious crap, with my tongue and hands tied. This is not an appropriate situation to break the news to my entire family that I don't believe in God and that they shouldn't either. It's certainly not an appropriate time either, given the fact that I'm deploying to Iraq in a month and will have little contact with them all for an entire year. I wish I could help this beautiful, innocent little boy out, and help relieve some of the stress and frustration my family is experiencing and will continue to experience. And of course, I'm a little selfish. I really wish I could talk openly and honestly with my family about what I know and feel, but I have to remain silent and continue to "play Christian" for everyone's benefit. Grr! Fucking Christianity!

[oddbird1963]

First of all - thank you for you military service to our country. It's good to know there will be at least one ex-christian.net "Atheist in a foxhole" out there.

 

I am so sorry about your little nephew. It's an immense tragedy compounded by the fact that he will forever be the recipient of christianity's conditional love. Perhaps the child's brain damage will spare him from picking up on the fact that all they want out of him is confirmation of their faith in a god who, if he existed, is so cruel and indifferent as to use an innocent child as an object lesson in believing against all evidence. One almost pictures the bible god as a dottering old man who begins a home improvement project. He tears out dry wall and pulls up floor tiles, only to wander off to another room and begin some other project destined for incompleteness.

 

Do you think it would be helpful, sometime close to leaving for Iraq, if you shared with them your opinions of the prospects of your nephew being healed? You don't necessarily have to "come out" as an atheist, but to say, "Look. Nobody ever gets healed from this stuff. Why don't you just concentrate on loving that child unconditionally and filling his life with joy? Don't you think god wants you to do that instead of concentrate on miracles that never occur?"

 

It is a tough thing to say and you may get some flack for it, but at least you will be speaking up as an advocate for the child. That's what he needs in his life. He needs an advocate that will think of him as a person and not think of him as an object for experimentation in christianity's hurtful delusions.

[Max]

My condolances to you. This is a very sad situation. I agree with your decision to keep a lot of your thoughts to yourself, uncomfortable as that may be. With the prospect of leaving so soon, you'd wind up with too many loose ends flapping while you were gone.

 

It always amazes me how, when god helps you recover from a tragedy, that's a "miracle" - but when he declines to prevent the problem in the first place (or gets credit for creating it), that's OK, too. It's like saying that a drunk driver who helps after he crashes into you is a noble person, but his choice to drive drunk in the first place isn't significant.

 

So for now, let us trust in medical science and the human spirit. Good luck.

[Loren]

I wish I could help this beautiful, innocent little boy out, and help relieve some of the stress and frustration my family is experiencing and will continue to experience. And of course, I'm a little selfish. I really wish I could talk openly and honestly with my family about what I know and feel, but I have to remain silent and continue to "play Christian" for everyone's benefit. Grr! Fucking Christianity!

You've made it very clear how emotionally wrenching it is for you because you want so much to help, but know your hands are tied in some ways. However, don't underestimate how helpful and meaningful it almost certainly would be to them if you just told them what you said here:

 

"It's heartbreaking to hear, and I feel for them, but know that they will be excellent parents to their baby, regardless of his difficulties."

 

Perhaps you could go to them before you ship out and say something to that effect.

 

"I've watched you go through this and seen the ups and downs you've had. I've seen the faith you've shown and the anger at god (Which I can totally understand.), the confusion and all of that. I just wanted you to know that I know that no matter what happens medically, or what position you happen to be in at any given time regarding faith issues, that you will always be the best parents your boy can have. I know that you will be outstanding parents, no matter what happens with all this other stuff."

 

Or something along those lines.

 

Just plain old, straight-forward personal supportiveness, love and respect. I'm sure the direct simplicity and honesty of it will cut through a lot of the shit and go right to where they need it.

 

Also, it will be a very good final tone to leave them with as you go away for that year.

 

I also agree with oddbird, thanks for serving! For your own emotional well-being, I'd suggest that you put refraining from telling your family about your apostasy in the same kit as your military service: Willingness to be self-sacrificing for the good of others. There is a great deal of honor and worthiness there.

 

Loren