Guest PinkUni Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Let me start by giving you a little info on my deconversion. My only sibling was killed in a random act of violence, and our family was left in shambles. Seeing this suffering was it for me - how could a loving god allow the only thing I asked him not to do - which was not take my brother. I started noticing a pattern in my christian past - when I need god most, I felt most alone and miserable. If that's where faith comes from, well, that's just wrong. I was raised in a very Baptist home, which I resented most of the time, and I wavered back and forth in my dedication. Since the loss of my sibling, I also lost my religion and belief in a god. This in itself has been another difficult loss, because I don't have the blind faith others have to "feel better." At times of envious of that, at times, I'm completely glad I've seen the light and don't rely on religion to make me feel better. However, my dad, being a pastor, knows that I don't attend church and refuse to talk about god with him. I ask him to respect my choice to not talk about it, because I know neither of us will convert to the other's point of view. Am I handling this correctly? I love my father, and I love my family. He doesn't badger me about this, but I also want to make it clear that I do not want to talk about religion with him. I know he's already lost one child, and seeing me not in the fold is almost like another loss to him. Comments are appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Welcome to the site. I agree completely with downtoearth. I think it speaks well of you that you are aware of your father's point of view, that due to his indoctrination, he must also see you as a loss, and a greater one than your brother. At least he expects to see your brother again. That's not the case with you. It's very hard being in the position of knowing that in some sense, you are causing your father's pain over "losing you to damnation," yet being unable to do anything else without lying. Your choice is to either lie to him, or hurt him. That rots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRDWarrior Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 I think you've found a very good way of dealing with your differences in a respectful manner. As long as you both can "agree to disagree" and he doesn't badger you about it, then it should be an amicable situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Davka Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Welcome, uni! It sounds like you're dealing with your dad in a respectful way which is working for now. Maybe in a few years both of you will be ready for some heart-to-heart talks, but right now it doesn't sound like you or he could handle that. It would help to know your age, and whether you are still living at home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PinkUni Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 I really appreciate everyone's comments! They are helpful - I appreciate the support, while I agree that the situation rots, I feel more assured in the way I'm presently handling the situation. I am 30, not living at home, but I've made a decision to move back to my parent's city to be near them. The good news is our family has become closer through the tragedy - the bad news for my parents is that I'm no longer a christian church-goer. I think this has been harder for my dad than my mom. My mom actually has been very hands off and respectful about my decisions to not go to church, etc, even though I know she hopes that I "get closer to god." Davka - you're right. One day I will have to have that heart-to-heart. Thanks again, everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted July 27, 2009 Super Moderator Share Posted July 27, 2009 Welcome, PinkUni. Sorry for your loss. I think you are handling things as well as possible. Few people will ever agree on everything, and if you can respect each others choices and conclusions you can live in peace. I hope it continues to go well for you and your family in the wake of this tragedy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Wow, sorry to hear about your loss. I wish that there was some sort of magical spell that could make the pain and struggles go away. Anyway, I also agree with the others here in that it seems that you're handling the situation with your father well. You're being mature, respectful and caring, which are the things that really matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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