Guest Davka Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Post-football game interviews. Team A QB: "I want to give the glory to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." Team B QB: "Yeah, I agree completely, without Jesus they would never have won. Hey, we prayed before the game and everything, but that 3rd-quarter interception? That was friggin divine intervention, man! I mean, that pass was perfect, dead-on target, until that freak gust of wind took it! Thanks a whole fuckin lot, Jesus! Next game, we're praying to Cthulhu." ----------------------- Frightened mother interview: "It was terrifying, my baby fell out the 2nd-story window onto the lawn. I rushed him to the emergency ward, but he was fine. The doctors said that his bones are still very soft at this age, and the grass cushioned the fall, so he effectively bounced. It was a miracle. "Gravity is a miracle, too. And radio and TV? Purely miraculous. Oh, and the grass growing where it did, and the way my car started up when I turned the key? There are perfectly sound scientific explanations for every single one of these phenomena, and they've been explained to me in depth. It's miraculous. Praise God!" OK, your turn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 48 vehicle pileup on our section of desert Interstate, three DOA, dozens injured, half a dozen trapped.... One hideous death by combustion, several burnt to 90% 2nd+ degree... We simply have to creep up to scene as we in Emergency rides can't fucking see any better than the other drivers. Shit stranded all over, vehicles, loads off of pickup pickup trucks (utes to our way southern cousins), railroad ties scattered from a crash. Both sides of Interstate are effectively sealed off, not a single farm or side road exists up on this hill. Worst possible fucking place we can be called to. Five Fire Districts, Three Departments, Cops of all stripe and color. Every single one of us with a clenched asshole tight to trousers and seat covers creeping into this mess. Found five walking wounded going in. One "Praise GOD!" sort. He quickly went down into his head injury "oh shit, let's get him outa here!". After we got most of the easy folks on way out and to help beyond sand storms edges both directions, one guy, stuck in a folded Ford Escort, we've got him on four liter bags trying to keep his blood pressure workable, looks up and says "Thank those fucking Swedes for a great cutting tool set! ".. We got his hurt ass out intact and made it to Trauma Team at local hospital. Seems good Swede steel worked a LOT better than supplications to Haysus... kFL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Broke Free Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 After we got most of the easy folks on way out and to help beyond sand storms edges both directions, one guy, stuck in a folded Ford Escort, we've got him on four liter bags trying to keep his blood pressure workable, looks up and says "Thank those fucking Swedes for a great cutting tool set! ".. We got his hurt ass out intact and made it to Trauma Team at local hospital. Seems good Swede steel worked a LOT better than supplications to Haysus... kFL Thanks Kevin, you made my day. I needed to hear that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OpheliaGinger Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 My idea of Adonis proposition me for a one night stand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 I'd like to see psychologist (It's so hard for me not to put that word in quotation marks.) James Dobson get a psychological evaluation. A real one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 The Bush admin prosecuted for their crimes. A large group of bank CEOs prosecuted for their crimes. Critical thinking classes in HS. Media objectivity. India Pale Ale in Russia. Oh wait, we just got it. Better than nothing at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Broke Free Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Stuff I Would Like to See 1) I would like to see The Super Bowl come on television 90 minutes after the first kick off because the “Will & Grace” marathon ran overtime, and then there was of course the “Post Will & Grace” chat with Karen and Jack, and the Post Post discussion of how Grace could have handled things differently. 2) I would like to see Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity on FOX have Rachel Maddow on as a guest while both of them lost their voices and Rachel could continue on talking. 3) I would like to see both Cheney and Bush put on trial for High Crimes and Misdemeanors. Then I would like to see them in prison. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulQ Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 I'd like to see the churches changed into libraries or museums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I'd like to see Doug Phillips and Mark Driscoll wake up one morning to find that their minds have been transplanted into the bodies of Quiverfull women with twelve kids each and another on the way. I'd like my ex to be inflicted with sudden, total, permanent, and unrelenting self-awareness. I'd like to see every member of the US Congress live off of welfare and food stamps for a year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skeptic Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I'd love to see my little sister do something totally outrageous as an adult (from a fundy xian perspective), like pose for Playboy or end up in some infomercial for Girls Gone Wild. My parents always considered her to be the "good one", and seeing the looks on their faces while they try to wrap their feeble minds around my goody two shoes sister doing something wild would be utterly priceless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Davka Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I'd like to see black cops arrest a prominent white man for walking while white. I'd like to see Rush Limbaugh keel over on a golf course from heart disease traceable to cigar smoke and Ruth's Criss steaks. I'd like to see the USA leading the way in renewable energy technology. I'd like to see Leah Dizon naked in my bedroom.(Hey, if you're gonna dream...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightflight Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 A nationally known Christian evangelist admit that he has suffered depression for most of his life due to the doctrine of eternal torment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 1. A four day work week. 2. The U.S. really stand up to China for human rights violations. Oh, wait a minute - China pretty much owns us - better nix that one. 3. better TV with fewer commercials. 4. Cheney and Bush in prison. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenhunter Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 i would like to see: 1) "christian" homeschoolers told not to use "christian" books anymore 2) all "christian bookstores and gift shops" closed down and turned into parking lots 3) the religious right dropped like a bad habit 4) a certain televangelist telling his viewers that he's taking all of the money from the "donations" they earned and its all a hoax 5) Bill "I'm an racist idiot who doesn't even know how to win an argument from a 16 year old who quotes from his own book"o'reilly sued by a viewer and fired from fox news by telling the viewer to give him all her money. 6) fox news turned into an infomercial network and all employees who worked for them blackballed. 7) the end of MTV. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OpheliaGinger Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 1. A four day work week. There are some employers who are experimenting with a four day week, but that entails longer work hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbobrob Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 A flier from "Christians for Poseidon" movement. A full length movie based on the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Jesus being shot down by an F-15 when he tries to fly out of he clouds. President Obama admitting that racial profiling is a very small part of the very practical police tool known as profiling (which includes, but not limited to, age, sex, height, race, motives, etc of possible suspects). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 1)Gay marriage legalized in all 50 states 2)Ted Haggard to admit he's gay and become a gay rights activ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 I would like to see my daughter grow up and break free of the indoctrination and all other bad things that my ex has instilled in her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weetie Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 Marijuana legalization & a law that all hummers have to have a bumper sticker that says "I'm compensating for my small penis!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OpheliaGinger Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 law that all hummers have to have a bumper sticker that says "I'm compensating for my small penis!" I'm sure that will strike a nerve with a couple of people here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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