Guest doveless Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 God and The Rod went together in my childhood. The rod was a 24” length of dowel, painted green and kept in my parent’s closet on the shelf above Mom’s Sunday dresses and Dad’s preaching suits. Pain, tears, and pleading for forgiveness - it was a pattern that carried into my later experiences. They meant well, even though they did wrong. I’ve reached a point in my life where I can look back at the actions of my parents and know that they loved us dearly and were trying to be the god-fearing parents He wanted – they were convinced it was their job to battle the sinful nature we were born with. In a sense, it worked for them – my siblings and I all were enthusiastic believers by the age of eight. By 19 had I completed a one-year youth work program through a tiny Baptist Bible College and met and married a good Christian man. A couple years after that, I gave birth to our first child. I’ll never forget looking at my newborn son and realizing that I would gladly die to protect him. The powerful, unconditional love of a parent for a child was unlike anything I’d ever felt. As he grew older, I would look at him and marvel. What an amazing little human, full of curiosity and determination and strength…not, as I’d always been told, sinful from birth. Once you start questioning a part of your belief – any part – and don’t find answers, the rest gets shaky. I kept going through the motions for a year, dragging my feet, but one morning the preacher spoke on the church's Statement of Faith. Item by item, every logical part of me staged a revolt. I quietly slipped out the back door, got my son from the nursery, and left. That was five years ago. It’s been a painful journey, but it’s made me stronger. I am so incredibly glad that I was able to break free when I did. It’s liberating to know that the chain has been broken, and my children are free to live in whatever way is right for them. - Bethany Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Greetings and thanks for your story. That was a good observation you made, and it's great to see how it helped you escape from the church. I have two children, and I have to agree that they're generally curious but good. They do occasionally do little things that aren't exactly "good," but they're not some terrible "sinners" either. Just decent kids who occasionally make poor choices. Oh, and my father was quick to use the belt too, so I can identify with that. I got countless lashes in my childhood, sometimes for things I did and sometimes for things my father just assumed I did and he wouldn't listen to reason. If I tried to explain something, I was told to stop "sassing." What a cop-out! There were times I literally hated my father for this. Now as a parent myself, I have never used (nor could I ever see myself using) a belt on my children. I also try to make it a point to listen to what they have to say instead of just assuming that I know what happened when I wasn't there (something my father should have learned to do). Also, if I find that I've jumped to an erroneous conclusion and scolded them unnecessarily, then I apologize for it and acknowledge that they weren't in the wrong (something my father never did for me). All in all, I'm trying to avoid my father's method of parenting. Though my wife is still a Christian, she agrees with me on child discipline and has thanked me a number of times for not being like my father. Anyway, thanks again for your story. Good luck in your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Urban Monk Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Beating your children will not necessarily make them good. I believe parents should show children the error of their actions. If a parent shows a child whats negative about their actions, then the children can get a good sense of whats good and evil. Its amazing how some Christians use to feel that whipping a child will make them a better child. Any parents that want to beat their child for any reason has some fucked up issues Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShallowByThyGame Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 That is a very uplifting story!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest doveless Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Now as a parent myself, I have never used (nor could I ever see myself using) a belt on my children. I also try to make it a point to listen to what they have to say instead of just assuming that I know what happened when I wasn't there (something my father should have learned to do). Also, if I find that I've jumped to an erroneous conclusion and scolded them unnecessarily, then I apologize for it and acknowledge that they weren't in the wrong (something my father never did for me). Thanks for sharing your story. I cannot fathom using any sort of corporal punishment - the thought of intentionally hurting my children makes me ill. It's definitely been challenging, though, to develop a "toolset" of positive parenting techniques, not having seen many in action. Thankfully there's a lot of good information out there these days. Beating your children will not necessarily make them good. I believe parents should show children the error of their actions. If a parent shows a child whats negative about their actions, then the children can get a good sense of whats good and evil. Its amazing how some Christians use to feel that whipping a child will make them a better child. Any parents that want to beat their child for any reason has some fucked up issues It's a heartbreaking thing, for everybody involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oddbird1963 Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 As he grew older, I would look at him and marvel. What an amazing little human, full of curiosity and determination and strength…not, as I’d always been told, sinful from birth. doveless, I'm glad you have been able to work through the painful process of changing your world view. I never could get my head around my kid being a sinner either, even while I was still a fundamentalist. I would just not apply that concept to him. The entire doctrine of sin provides no real explanation of human behavior. It doesn't seem to serve any purpose other than calling people you object to names or trying to manipulate people into answering an alter call. And if someone has a mental illness that takes religious overtones, watch out! There are people that are self-centered, narcissistic, manipulative and harmful. But there are better explanations than "sin" for such behavior. I do note that when David spoke about being conceived in iniquity, he was using hyperbole to talk about how bad things were. Only Paul and St. Augustine took original sin to its ridiculous extreme. I hope you are able to achieve peace and satisfaction as you continue to grow in your experience of being a freethinking human being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts