decafaholic Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I don't feel I should discuss this with any of my friends because it's a sensitive thing, but I knew I could say it here. I've talked about my "little brother" here before. He's technically my boyfriend's cousin, but he has become the little brother i never had and I love him like family. He just turned 19 this week. His parents don't have much to do with him so another family took him under their wing. They are, for all purposes, his family and they take him to their pentecostal church twice a week. I have never known my brother to be religious. He's always had a basic belief in god, but nothing more. He fits in quite well with me and my heathen friends cursing, talking about sex, porn, whatever. We would laugh and joke about pentecostal church and the emotionalism of it all. Then last night he texted me and said he had to tell me something and he thought I probably won't like him anymore. He said he "got the holy ghost." I told him if he wanted ot talk about it, I would be respectful and wouldn't make fun of him because I used to be pentecostal and I remember how I had some experiences that filled me with peace and comfort in church so I understood his experience. He called me this morning and told me about what happened. ( BACK STORY: He's had a very troubled life, starting with his mother abusing him as a child, then starting in jr high he was using and selling drugs, stealing...he admits he was crazy and he took a lot of risks and treated girls very badly. I think his past still huants him even though he has quit most of that stuff. He's in an emotionally vulnerable place right now because his girlfriend of 2 years just broke up with him recently and when she did, it shook him to his core.) In his depression, he was praying last night at church and from what he told me, he had a very emotionally healing experience. He said he was asking god to take his pain away and I so vividly remember being his age and begging god for the same thing. I think this was a good experience for him. He usually keeps his feelings inside so I'm sure it was cleansing for him to finally let it out and cry and be affirmed by a community of people who care about him. I remember having this experience myself, so I'm happy for him that he has gotten some relief.He didn't try to label it, but I think what also happened is he accepted jesus and confessed his sins because he was baptised in water last night too. The part I feel a little iffy about is it seems like he feels like he has to act differently now, like the people at church are going to be expecting different behavior from him and he's nervous that he'll screw up. He's worried about being the "weird kid" that people make fun of. He's afraid of losing friends. He's worried about how he'll deal with his sexual desires that he's no longer allowed to fulfill. I told him that as long as he was happy, I'm happy for him and I support him no matter what. I'm just worried that now he's going to be on a constant guilt trip. I've been there and I know that the feeling of peace you occasionally get is great and it seems like all is right with the world and the very arms of god are wrapped around you. But the pressure the church puts on you to be perfect and "pay god back" wasn't worth it. It made me crazy. I don't want to see him end up like I did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShallowByThyGame Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 seems dangerous to me, the church is using his insecurities, trying to break him. If you could convince him that he can explore Christianity and spirituality without being tied down with any particular church maybe he can dodge the cultish effect, or see it for what it is. make sure he reads the bible himself and isn't just doing what he's told. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeker630 Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I'm just worried that now he's going to be on a constant guilt trip. I've been there and I know that the feeling of peace you occasionally get is great and it seems like all is right with the world and the very arms of god are wrapped around you. But the pressure the church puts on you to be perfect and "pay god back" wasn't worth it. It made me crazy. I don't want to see him end up like I did. Being brought up strict Catholic, I have a streak of perfectionism in me that will probably never go away. And it has caused me plenty of grief over the years. Nothing is ever good enough, including yourself---maybe especially yourself. A sense of personal worthlessness is essential to the Christian engine. Without it the whole thing falls apart. I have no Pentecostal experiences, but it sounds like that basic premise is the same no matter what brand of Christian they are. Xtianity really is based in guilt, shame, fear and self loathing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted July 30, 2009 Super Moderator Share Posted July 30, 2009 Churches (especially that type) prey on the weak and vulnerable. He's had some bad luck, made some bad moves, but now he's truly a victim. I hope he can eventually recover from the brainwashing he's going to get. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRDWarrior Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I think by being there for him, and him understanding that he can come to you no matter what is a good thing - it'll give him a place to go when his new church family eventually fails him. That sense of perfectionism haunts me as well, although a lot of that comes from my mother (although much of hers may have spawned from Christianity). If he succumbs to that, it will not help him - the idea that he is never good enough, that his best is never enough, that there's always more he could do - do your best to protect him from that. Clear praise and acknowledgement of his accomplishments will be sorely needed if he's already feeling that way...you, at least, can provide that for him. People need that, and hopefully you can offer a measure of protection before it becomes too ingrained in him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueGiant Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 If he gets a benefit from it, good for him, I guess. He may flash-in-the-pan this, though, especially if he realizes that what he signed up for and what he is getting are two very different things. His comment that you may not like him anymore, though, speaks to an expectation of isolation. Sounds like there has been a good bit of conditioning leading to this. Hope it doesn't get too messy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Googledotman Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Wow. The two Pentecostal people I knew in college, had a mark of dedication that I don't normally see in most people. However, some of their beliefs can seem very scary. I suggest that you try to help him regardless of his newfound religion. If it helps him, let it help him. However, if you feel that it will hurt him, tell him in an intelligent fashion that I know you can do. With the two Pentecostal people I knew, the religion helped them out in ways unattainable by several other means. However, they did take on some nasty traits of the religion. Let him embrace the good aspects of Pentecostalism, but if it becomes harmful, then help him fight it. You would know that better than I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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