Poonis Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Ok, so my wife asked me to go to church today. I'm a compromising spouse, so I agreed, as I usually do when she asks. She doesn't ask very ofton, so it hasn't been a bif deal. We went to service, I sat there thinking "how sad it is to see such a large display of delusion" for an hour. We get out of service only to learn that it is now her expectation that I go every week. What's a nice way of saying "sorry, just for that I'm never going again even on Easter and Christmas"? I have young children, so that makes the options more complicated. "No." I've found that a properly executed "No" speaks volumes for itself and has the ability to effectively bring unwanted dictations to a sudden halt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dhampir Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 My dad only went to church when his best friends asked or when my mother asked on certain occasions, as I recall, given that she died when i was five. As long as you are there for your children, and she doesn't try to poison them against you you should be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. K Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 Well...my husband is an Xian. I am not, otherwise I wouldn't be here, talking to other ex-C's, and finding my voice. At first, he was very upset with me, and took my unbelief personally. He really did. I just waited. He asked me if we were never going to the church we'd been attending again. I said he was more than welcome to go to church as long as it didn't interfere with things I had to accomplish (we are down to one car again, dammit), but I wasn't going. He asked if I was going to have a huge problem with him taking our daughter to church. I told him that if he was willing to accept the responsibility of getting an 11 year old girl out of bed and on her way to getting ready for church when she'd rather be with her friends, good luck to him. He sulked for a week. Then, gee, it looks like he doesn't want to go to church any more than I do. Look at that.....football season is starting, and that means that football games are on Sundays now....during church time.....wow, amazing. He didn't want to go to church any more than I did. Our daughter just wanted to go back because she had friends there, but she's making friends at her new middle school (she started sixth grade this year), and she doesn't necessarily want to do stuff that doesn't involve her friends. My husband says he still believes. I'm not going to challenge him on that, he's free to believe what he wants. However, if I look at the situation rationally, I don't think he believes as much as he says he does, but he just doesn't want to admit that he's taken that last step towards separating totally from what his parents have pushed on him his whole life. That would mean admitting that he deep down doesn't believe the lie...and that scares him. Hey, he's coming around to my point of view. I'm not going to push him, he'll make up his own mind. In your case, spamandham, well, I'd be honest and tell her, "Look, I'm not going to church. I don't believe. And I'm not going to lie to the kids and tell them I do believe. It's not happening." The kids will eventually come to you to ask those deep questions, and their mother will not be happy about it, but geez, would you rather tell them the truth, or lie to them just to make her happy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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