Hungrydingo Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 I have been atheist for about 9 years now and I have been perfectly happy with my beliefs. I almost felt empowered because I feel I defend my beliefs rather well and if confronted by religious people they are usually the ones who wish to stop talking about it when they challenge me. However very recently I began to think about life after death or the lack of. As a christian I took solace after deaths in family or when I lost contact with friends that some day I'd see them again after life as I know it is over. Recently I began to think back to people I miss, lost friends who I cannot find after scouring over social networking sites and asking people who used to know them as well, and I began to think of my grandfather whom after a year and half after his passing I still miss tremendously. It just has me depressed lately, I guess it finally hit me I'll never EVER see these people again or talk to them. They're gone forever. The thought that after my friends and family I still know and love are gone or after I am gone it's all over and there is no eternity in paradise to enjoy with them has also been on my mind. I guess I am just curious to see if anyone else has felt the same way and how you dealt with it. It has inspired me lately to visit my family more and try to fully enjoy the company of my friends as much as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiddlingAround Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Honestly, it sounds like you're dealing with this the best way anybody can. You're enjoying the people and things you love while you can, because once they're gone there's most likely (though I won't go so far as to say definitely) no way to ever get them back. And yeah, it's sad. But that sadness is just one more piece in the whole crazy, wonderful, painful mishmash of life in the universe - which overall, I wouldn't trade for anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hungrydingo Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 Honestly, it sounds like you're dealing with this the best way anybody can. You're enjoying the people and things you love while you can, because once they're gone there's most likely (though I won't go so far as to say definitely) no way to ever get them back. And yeah, it's sad. But that sadness is just one more piece in the whole crazy, wonderful, painful mishmash of life in the universe - which overall, I wouldn't trade for anything. Yeah I suppose I feel this way recently because I've had a lot of sad, dramatic things happen lately and not enough of the happy revitalizing stuff. Crappy days at work, friends arguing, relationship difficulties... I guess I always had this fantasy where me and my friends are able to just kick back somewhere and hang out forever with no worries or troubles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiddlingAround Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Yeah, I think that most of us have some kind of fantasy vision, the thing that we always hoped the afterlife would be like. For me, it was always the chance to explore the universe forever. And I don't think it's neccesarily a bad thing to have those fantasies. I mean, it's like the best kind of stories: a way to release some stress, take a mental vacation, gain some insights to help us figure out the real world. The only problem is that if you start to count on a fantasy, it takes away your ability to experience and enjoy reality - and there's no getting that back. Oh, and I see you're new. Welcome! I hope you like it here as much as I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hungrydingo Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 Yeah, I think that most of us have some kind of fantasy vision, the thing that we always hoped the afterlife would be like. For me, it was always the chance to explore the universe forever. And I don't think it's neccesarily a bad thing to have those fantasies. I mean, it's like the best kind of stories: a way to release some stress, take a mental vacation, gain some insights to help us figure out the real world. The only problem is that if you start to count on a fantasy, it takes away your ability to experience and enjoy reality - and there's no getting that back. Oh, and I see you're new. Welcome! I hope you like it here as much as I do. Thanks! I can't really talk about this stuff around most people I know. I am the only atheist out of all my friends or family. So it's nice to be able to talk to people who can understand where I am coming from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiddlingAround Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Thanks! I can't really talk about this stuff around most people I know. I am the only atheist out of all my friends or family. So it's nice to be able to talk to people who can understand where I am coming from. That's my situation, too. Having this site, with people whose views I can actually relate to, helps me talk to my very Xtian family without my head exploding. I'm very fond of my head, and would like to keep it in one piece. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OpheliaGinger Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Exploring the universe with friends sounds like fun, but there would be the boring part of waiting until all your friends die off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiddlingAround Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Exploring the universe with friends sounds like fun, but there would be the boring part of waiting until all your friends die off. You think I'd just sit around and wait for them? I have no problem with a head start! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hungrydingo Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 Exploring the universe would be beyond cool, but I'd like more than anything to be able to watch my life like an instant replay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShallowByThyGame Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 For me loss is about holding that person's goodness in your heart, so that they live on with you. The truth of existence is sad...that we are aware of our doom. I know if I died I would not want people moping around, so I try to honor the fallen by standing tall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulQ Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 I have been atheist for about 9 years now and I have been perfectly happy with my beliefs. Atheism isn't a belief; it's a lack of belief. Calling atheism a belief is akin to calling bald a hair colour. Recently I began to think back to people I miss, lost friends who I cannot find after scouring over social networking sites and asking people who used to know them as well, and I began to think of my grandfather whom after a year and half after his passing I still miss tremendously. It just has me depressed lately, I guess it finally hit me I'll never EVER see these people again or talk to them. They're gone forever. As long as those people who have passed on are alive in your memory, they still exist; just as I will continue to exist in the memories of those who come after me when I've expired. Some nights, I get dreams where I've spent hours talking to my late grandfather, or a dead cousin. I can also conjure them up in my mind whenever I feel like "Talking" to them. I know full well that I am only talking to my memory of them, but I also know that they physically don't consciously exist, and memories are all what is left of their consciousness. Sometimes, they say some really insightful things. I know it's my own mind that comes up with these things, but clearly the influence these people had on my life has helped my mind to formulate those insightful things. I suppose that the more good we do, the better memories people have of us, and the greater the chance we will continue to spring into existence in their memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Davka Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Calling atheism a belief is akin to calling bald a hair colour. Oooh, that's good! I'm stealing that line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiddlingAround Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 For me loss is about holding that person's goodness in your heart, so that they live on with you. The truth of existence is sad...that we are aware of our doom. I know if I died I would not want people moping around, so I try to honor the fallen by standing tall. I like this take on it. And an instant replay of my life sounds cool - review all my favorite memories, the bumps in the road that helped get me wherever I eventually end up. Nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Davka Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 I realized a while back that I don't feel any grief over those who died before I stopped believing. I think that somewhere in my mind, I always knew they were gone forever. So I did my grieving then. I like the Irish tradition of holding a wake. Everyone gets sloshed, sings songs, tells stories about the dead person, cries on each other's shoulders . . . very cathartic. I intend to leave money earmarked for a wake when I go. Someone should be partying down when I no longer can! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulQ Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 I like the Irish tradition of holding a wake. Everyone gets sloshed, sings songs, tells stories about the dead person, cries on each other's shoulders . . . very cathartic. I intend to leave money earmarked for a wake when I go. Someone should be partying down when I no longer can! I feel exactly the same way. Often, I consider that I may make a video of myself hosting my own wake, complete with clips from my past and some of my favourite music. I think I should store away some fine wine, whiskey, and other alcoholic beverages so they'll be quite vintage for my successors to enjoy at my wake. Hopefully! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RationalOkie Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Isn't it odd that a lot of people spend $20k on their daughters wedding, but ask Aunt suzy to bring a caserole to a funeral. You should drop $20k on a D.J., kegs, liqour and strippers for your funeral. That's the way to go out. And beliiiiiiiiiiieve me.... they WILL remember you after that. Looking back on those that have passed on doesn't give me any sense of well being either. I have no religion. I have NOTHING to 'save' me or lean on during hard times. However, I live life knowing that this is all there is and I promise you that I live it with more vigor than the fundies do. I appreciate a butterfly more than the fundies do. I breathe in my day in a way that they don't understand. My only regret is that I can't be on the other side when they get there to say, "See...I told ya' you dumbass." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulQ Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Isn't it odd that a lot of people spend $20k on their daughters wedding, but ask Aunt suzy to bring a caserole to a funeral. You should drop $20k on a D.J., kegs, liqour and strippers for your funeral. That's the way to go out. And beliiiiiiiiiiieve me.... they WILL remember you after that. Only if you run out of alcohol...do it right, and they won't remember a thing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OpheliaGinger Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 I would want the cheapest funeral because I wouldn't want to put my family in debt (as for a wedding, I would prefer just to get a justice of the peace to issue a license instead of a ceremony), but throwing a bitchin' ass party at my funeral would be cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sharpe Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 I understand this feeling very well and it sounds like you're doing a good job of handling it. It's okay to be sad when you know you'll never see someone again. Totally normal. The best you can do is remember that when people die, they are truly at peace. Earthly goings-on don't apply to them anymore. If there's nothing after death, you won't be around to lament the fact that there's no afterlife. ;D Eventually, it'll all take care of itself. That's how I see it. So I try to remember the happy times and not dwell on the depressing stuff. I think in a way, it makes our lives much more precious when there's no eternal cast party afterward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ephymeris Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 HD, I totally relate to your post. I too have felt the sadness, fear, and horror at the idea of knowing we will all have our last day on earth and we will never be again. One day I will look at my husband for the last time and he'll be gone. No one will ever know how wonderful or unique he is. The idea of that is profoundly sad to me. I think I have found solace in the fact that death is equally inevitable and universal. That should depress me more, I guess, but realizing that death is commonplace and the natural way of things helps me not panic about it. It's completely out of my control therefore, to dwell on it will solve nothing. I know this sounds kind of obvious and stupid and I don't know why it helps me but it does. I have had the same feelings about changes in my life. Everyday things change and I can never have them the way they were before. That I'm still coping with that kind of stuff because it happens so gradually and suddenly it feels like a death. Really grasping how ephemeral, how fragile, and how transient we are really helps me be present in the moment and realize how precious and rare people and moments are. I don't know if it's possible to really come completely to peace with these things but this is how I'm handling it now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyone Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I have been atheist for about 9 years now and I have been perfectly happy with my beliefs. I almost felt empowered because I feel I defend my beliefs rather well and if confronted by religious people they are usually the ones who wish to stop talking about it when they challenge me. However very recently I began to think about life after death or the lack of. As a christian I took solace after deaths in family or when I lost contact with friends that some day I'd see them again after life as I know it is over. Recently I began to think back to people I miss, lost friends who I cannot find after scouring over social networking sites and asking people who used to know them as well, and I began to think of my grandfather whom after a year and half after his passing I still miss tremendously. It just has me depressed lately, I guess it finally hit me I'll never EVER see these people again or talk to them. They're gone forever. The thought that after my friends and family I still know and love are gone or after I am gone it's all over and there is no eternity in paradise to enjoy with them has also been on my mind. I guess I am just curious to see if anyone else has felt the same way and how you dealt with it. It has inspired me lately to visit my family more and try to fully enjoy the company of my friends as much as possible. Wow, you have touched on the issue that shook me the most. The knowledge that the dead are gone never to return or be contacted again is painful. It hit me, unexpectedly, and I could do nothing about it. I simply could not extricate the supernatural from my life without having the nerve endings of the "after life" dragged along with the rest of the baggage. My response was to begin frantically looking for things that my mother had left behind. Ironically, after I looked and looked for things from a toenail clipper she gave me to an address book with people that are all dead, I accepted the finality of her death - and then started finding things she had written. I seems she wrote comments in the Great Books series from Encyclopedia Britannica which I use for reference from time to time. Funny how life turns out. You might like this quote from Epicurus, "Death is nothing to us, since when we are, death has not come, and when death has come, we are not." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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