Guest TheWendybird Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 I was brought up in the Salvation Army Church...I left in my teens only to stay a loose christian...in 2003 as a crutch I became hardcore..went to a non-denominational church. Was so into this that I felt there were signs literally being given to me and my boyfriend of only a few months..to get married....honestly I really saw..as a christian..signs popping up from scripture at JUST the right time...this marriage turned out in disaster..abuse...infidelity..lack of any affection..even hugs...i left him. I had struggled between christianity and paganism most of my teenage and adult (so far) life..until 2007 when I finally had enough. I was one of the most knowledgable christians anyone around here knew and I didn't go to theology school...i lived and breathed the stuff...and I couldn't make the contradictions make any sense. It literally began to drive me insane...I had burn out and I couldn't make things work in my head...I use to be able to debate anything with people...I even won people over to christianity.....an act I regret greatly now as I am no longer a christian. I studied so much that I began to see things that couldn't be made sense of. Anyone ever try to figure out whether once a person is TRULY saved they're always saved or if indeed one can fall away after really being a christian? There are plenty of verses that say...you guessed it..BOTH! Just INSANE. I stayed in the religion and a bad marriage longer than I should have....for one reason...in one word: HELL. I was scared of HELL. And I can guarentee you well over half the christians out there wouldn't be that only for HELL. I use to listen to Way of the Master radio back then and Todd Friel use to talk about how christianity was the only thing that could clear a concience...i felt MORE miserable as a christian. They also say in order to know you are truly saved...you need to come to God humbled and grateful for saving you and not out of fear. HOW THE FUCK is that possible? If we're suppose to go to god for saving us...well...what would we be grateful for? NOT GOING TO HELL. Something FEARFUL? GAWD! I became pagan like I'd always ached for....however I don't listen to books or other peoples opinions on most things...I find even paganism is getting a tad dogmatic these days. But some things I do heed...like not harming others..which i wouldnt want to do anyhow. But since giving in and experiencing this kind of spirituality i realize how utterly EMPTY ritualistic, book religion is....I feel so much more fulfilled! I really truly feel spirituality more than ever....Christianity always felt...dead.......which i guess isn't suprising. I just had to vent this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qec Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I am glad you vented that. Welcome, and I am happy you have found an alternative that works for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oddbird1963 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Thanks for sharing your story. You are right about those contradictory teachings. Anyone looking for certainty from "scripture" is headed for disappointment. I'm glad you feel more fulfilled now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts