bird28 Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 My grandma is fundamentalist Christian, and I have to live with her when I don't have a job... She's very controlling, the other day I said the word "damn" and she was like. "Don't cuss, God doesn't like that!" I said, or actually blurted out "I don't care!!!" and she was like "You better care.". I was like "I'm 27 years old, you can't tell me what to do!" and she was like "I'm not telling you want to do, but cussing's out!" (what the heck?) Anyway, I can't drink alcohol in front of her either... how do I live with someone like this all the time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaraOlive Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Her roof, her rules. I'm going to go out on a limb and make an assumption that either you're not being charged rent or that you're getting a big discount by living with her. I understand that maybe it's what you have to do if you don't have a job. But I'm really on her side with this- if you had a house and an unemployed family member came to live with you, you'd want them to follow your rules without complaint even if they didn't like it. What I think you should do is work your ass off to find a new job- even if it's something crappy, so that you can move out and be self-sufficient. Get some poor roommates in a similar situation and live in a little apartment. Sorry if I'm coming off as harsh about this, but I don't think it's really about religion, it's about living in someone else's house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OpheliaGinger Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Your grandmother can easily kick you out, so just abide by her rules, even if you think it is asinine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenhunter Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 i agree, i have to fake it while i'm living at home, when you find your own place then you'll be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 As much as it grates on me to say it...I agree...you're LIVING with her when you don't have a job. That's pretty much being at her mercy. Totally sucks. I know what it feels like. No solution except for finding another place to live. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chefranden Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 I go with her roof, her rules. Just don't spend a lot of time there. Be out looking for a job, that is your job until you find one. When you are not working, be at the library, or a park, or just out walking. And be helpful when you are there, vacuum, do the dishes, clean the bathroom... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bird28 Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 Oh, it's more complex than that, she also lives with her son and his wife. they wouldn't care and in fact they drink and stuff, but usually not in front of her. I wish I could leave the house more, but I don't have my own car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bird28 Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 My grandma is fundamentalist Christian, and I have to live with her when I don't have a job... She's very controlling, the other day I said the word "damn" and she was like. "Don't cuss, God doesn't like that!" I said, or actually blurted out "I don't care!!!" and she was like "You better care.". I was like "I'm 27 years old, you can't tell me what to do!" and she was like "I'm not telling you want to do, but cussing's out!" (what the heck?) Anyway, I can't drink alcohol in front of her either... how do I live with someone like this all the time? This one can't be sugarcoated; sorry. You might consider some patience, gratitude and love for your own blood relative. How would you like a niece or other relative moving in with you as a grown adult, quite likely for free, not working, presumably not disabled, habitually drinking while unemployed, treating you lovelessly and with disrespect, then throwing tantrums when you finally snapped and called her on it? At 27, you have no excuse for acting like an unruly eighth grader. Shape up or ship out. Sorry... but anyway I don't habitually drink. It's just that she's the one that raised me, and she's still treating me like a little kid. She also has moderate dementia and I shouldn't snap at her, but I get over emotional at everything! Just a few minutes ago, I got so frustrated I started to hit myself, hard. I'm being treated for a mental illness, but it's not perfect. I know that I have nowhere else to go though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Davka Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Whose home is it? Your gramma's, or your aunt and uncle's? It makes a big difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRDWarrior Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Unfortunately, if she raised you, she is probably always going to treat you "like a child." In many ways my mother still does this - as I was so reminded when she visited last summer for a week. Yes, it's better now that I live across the country and she was in MY home, but if I was to be in her home, it'd be back to her rules. Your issues may make it more difficult, but I must agree with the others - just be careful not to swear around her, don't drink unless someone else is buying (in which case you're probably not around grandma), and in general follow the house rules. No, it's not easy, and yes, it sucks, but sometimes that is just how things are when we need something from someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 My grandma is fundamentalist Christian, and I have to live with her when I don't have a job... She's very controlling, the other day I said the word "damn" and she was like. "Don't cuss, God doesn't like that!" Yet the Bible doesn't give a list of words as being inherently evil. Even when I was a Christian, I came to the realization that one's attitude was more important than the words used to convey the attitude. For example, I remember a youth group meeting one time where a guy was talking about how something happened at school and he got all mad and was yelling and making a scene, but he made it a point to use "slang words" instead of "swear words," as if that somehow made the situation better. I thought to myself that I'd rather hear someone in a good mood say "Hot damn" than someone in a bad mood yell out "darn" and "heck." she was like "I'm not telling you want to do, but cussing's out!" (what the heck?) She's not telling you what to do, she's telling you what not to do. ....j/k On a more serious note, though, if I were you I would probably try to respect her views on this matter and hold my tongue around her. I disagree with her position, but she is your grandma, and it's not like it's going to kill you to refrain from using the word "damn." In fact, I still hold my tongue around my family and friends, simply out of respect. At work I'm more prone to let loose and say what I feel like saying, though even there I have started trying to hold back a little, just because I don't want be seen as an offensive person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShallowByThyGame Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Well, if it's her house then you should be concentrating on getting out of there, she's clearly not a good influence on your life. (I presume you're staying for free) I'd say you have the right to be yourself in your room though, drinking included. I wonder if there's not another place you can find refuge while you search for work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TheAmberShow Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 As a fellow 27 year old, you are way too old to be saying, "I can do what I want!" You are also too old to be living with your grandmother. She should be living with YOU, and you should be taking care of HER, if anything! Grow up. If you have to live there, you have to live by her rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 What? Show your grandma some respect. Drinking and cursing are not wrong on an individual basis but if they offend your grandma IMO they are. Do them on your own time, not in front of her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Speaking as a gay atheist who has to hide who he is from his family, I'm going to have to agree that until you can move out on your home, as much as it really sucks, you are going to have to abide by their wishes if you don't want to risk being kicked out. I have to pretend to be a straight xtian around my family but I come to ex-c to release all my anger and frustration about it. Meanwhile, I'm working on my college education so I can get a career and move out on my own and I bite my tongue until then. But I rarely cuss even when I'm not around my family as I don't care too much for cussing out of anger myself and if I ever do cuss, I only do it when I'm joking around and not being serious. And I've always hated it when my dad cusses at my mother every time she does something that makes him mad, which is usually something not worth getting worked up over and is just him nitpicking, so my dad has pretty much from people using cussing out of anger. I don't have any interest in drinking either as I'd like to keep my sanity instead of getting drunk and a hangover. But I agree with others that you should work on getting a job to support yourself with and try to work on moving out if you can and try your best to bite your tongue until then and find other places where you can do the things you want to outside your house. Like try saving cussing until you're out of the house and not around your family or cuss on the Internet to make up for it or go to a friends' house or to a bar to drink. It may be annoying and frustrating, but it's better than risking getting thrown out no the street. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulQ Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 A person can only control us as much as we allow them to. Any control your grandmother holds on you is what you allow her to. Does she control you because of the fact she's your grandmother, or because you have allowed her greater power over your life? What if she was a 2 year old child uttering those words? Would you feel like you're being controlled, or would you laugh in her face? Ultimately, the choice is yours to make. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 ...... I get over emotional at everything! Just a few minutes ago, I got so frustrated I started to hit myself, hard. I'm being treated for a mental illness, but it's not perfect. I know that I have nowhere else to go though. Sorry to say, but this is the crux of the problem. Have you ever been able to hold a job for any length of time, Bird? I am not being judgmental, just curious. Since you have no where else to go, you have to find a way to deal with your Grandma. Think what would happen otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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