dB-Paradox Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Do you ever wish you hadn't told family about your decision to leave Christianity? I sent out an email about a month or two ago telling immediate family about my decision. While the decision was made long before that, I wanted to be wise about how and when I told family. I also wanted to make sure my decision was concrete, and that I wouldn't go back to Christianity shortly after telling everyone. Once I felt my life was stable, I sent the email. My wife was the first to know, of course. She had known while I was going through the transition, which took about four years. She is still a Christian, and I don't ask that she leave the faith. In fact, I still go to church with my family, just don't sit with them and listen to the brainwashing messages. Although I may start to sit in with them just to avoid stress on the marriage. But that's stretching it a bit much. The rest of the family found out about my new life path via email. I haven't heard anything from the in-laws. And I'm not complaining. (In fact, it makes me wonder why I didn't come out with this news years ago!) My parents don't seem to care too much about talking about it either. But my brother and his wife sent out an email almost instantly! Thankfully it was an email reply. But then about a month later, my sister phones me up and wants to know why. We had a 20 minute conversation and then I had to go. After I finished pissing, I went back to the phone, but she had hung up. Apparently she doesn't enjoy the sound of a steady stream of urine splashing in the water. Okay, so I'm joking about the last part...she does enjoy the sound of.....no, I mean I didn't have to go to take a piss. Anyway, after I got off the phone with my sister, I think "Okay, that's it!". But that's NOT it. Today, I got a call from one of my cousins! My sister had talked to her about my decision and she felt the need to call and ask why as well. We must have talked for half an hour. Then I had to go. After I finished....don't worry, I'm not doing that again! But now I'm wondering how many phone calls I'm going to get! I may stop answering the phone if I get one more call. It's funny how no one gives a rat's ass when you're a Christian, but as soon as you announce that you've left the faith, everyone and their opinion wants to give their two cents and try to convince you to "come back" by offering a couple of testimonies and DVDs by some guy who became a born again Christian after he saw the flawed logic of his old ways. [big breath] Naturally, I said I was not interested in the material because I'd been there before. I've read it all, studied it all, and believed it all once before, and it's not like one more testimony is going to turn me back. I should turn this into an email. Now send this to 10 people and you will have God's blessings. But if you don't send it to at least 5 people, God will kill you. Ah, don't worry about it....he'll kill you anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyone Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 I should turn this into an email. Now send this to 10 people and you will have God's blessings. But if you don't send it to at least 5 people, God will kill you. Ah, don't worry about it....he'll kill you anyway! Priceless! Your problems are not surprising. People want to help, and just maybe some are a bit curious. I find it very difficult to give a capsule summary of my beliefs, or a capsule refutation of any religion. It's just not possible to do so without taking time, and even then you may be beating your head against the wall. When you are put on the spot, it's even worse. Anyway, they may view your telling them as a "cry for help" like people who call to say they are committing suicide. They wouldn't call if they didn't expect a response; if they meant it, they would have just done it. I don't know the best way to respond, even thinking about how to do so ahead of their calls. Perhaps having a really great verse in mind and a collection of others. Cite the verse and then say you have many others, but you have to go. 20 or 30 calls later, and they will be atheists too! Ok, just kidding. Wish I had a brilliant idea to help, but it's so personal that you will have to deal with it yourself. The rush of calls will eventually die down I suspect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShallowByThyGame Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 This could be a good thing, maybe they've never realized someone they care about could lose faith. Maybe if they have doubts they will know who to turn to. There might be a silver lining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 That's xtianity, it leaves policing the membership up to the church members. The greater the brain-washing the more the desire that person has to pursue evangelism. If you left the faith, the real holy rollers of your church may get involved, or they may leave the chore to your family. I was not bombarded by phone calls or e-mail when I left the church, my family has selective amnesia. They act like they cannot remember I am not in the church anymore. They are in denial. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogilvy Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 It's funny how no one gives a rat's ass when you're a Christian, but as soon as you announce that you've left the faith, everyone and their opinion wants to give their two cents and try to convince you to "come back" by offering a couple of testimonies and DVDs by some guy who became a born again Christian after he saw the flawed logic of his old ways. [big breath] Naturally, I said I was not interested in the material because I'd been there before. I've read it all, studied it all, and believed it all once before, and it's not like one more testimony is going to turn me back. I didn't get that problem, because if asked to explain why I stopped believing, I said that I've come to think that God is cruel for creating humans in the first place, knowing that they would sin and that if they didn't repent and put faith in Jesus would be condemned to everlasting torment. That's a very cruel idea. It would have been more loving to not have created humans at all, if thats our fate. Nobody has yet been able to provide an answer as to why is God not cruel for doing it? They won't be able to answer it, because there is no reasonable answer, and they will have to leave you alone. They might make you crazy first, with their attempts to avoid the logic of that question, in fact, to avoid the question altogether, and give you the answer to questions you didn't ask, but not to that one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaraOlive Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 Can you see it as an opportunity rather than an annoyance? It doesn't sound like anyone got angry or hysterical or out of control, so maybe this can be your opportunity to share a little more about your own beliefs. Obviously it was important enough for you to tell your family that you sent them an email- can't really blame them for wanting to talk about it a little more or sharing with other family members. Of course if anyone starts harassing you or becoming intrusive, you should set boundaries, but IMO this is a good thing that your family is interested at the level of a few short phone conversations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulQ Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Can you see it as an opportunity rather than an annoyance? It doesn't sound like anyone got angry or hysterical or out of control, so maybe this can be your opportunity to share a little more about your own beliefs. Obviously it was important enough for you to tell your family that you sent them an email- can't really blame them for wanting to talk about it a little more or sharing with other family members. Of course if anyone starts harassing you or becoming intrusive, you should set boundaries, but IMO this is a good thing that your family is interested at the level of a few short phone conversations. I agree; too many ex-Christians miss this opportunity to share the reasons why we left the faith. Doing this might encourage others to do the same; but as long as we continue to hide from it, not wanting to talk about it, it makes us appear as though we're in some kind of religious denial. I gladly and openly discuss the reasons why I don't believe with my family members, and they have decided it's best for them not to discuss religion with me if they want to keep their religion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRDWarrior Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 If your family is willing to listen to your side of why you left, then I think it's actually a good idea to tell them why - so many christians I think get the wrong impression about WHY most people leave the cult - if they are willing to listen (rather than debate) I think it's great to share. I was more than happy to tell my mother why I left christianity - as long as I didn't have to sit there and argue about it. It's good for them to hear the real reasons since I get the impression most have no idea why we left or where we went.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dB-Paradox Posted September 14, 2009 Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 Can you see it as an opportunity rather than an annoyance? It doesn't sound like anyone got angry or hysterical or out of control, so maybe this can be your opportunity to share a little more about your own beliefs. Obviously it was important enough for you to tell your family that you sent them an email- can't really blame them for wanting to talk about it a little more or sharing with other family members. Of course if anyone starts harassing you or becoming intrusive, you should set boundaries, but IMO this is a good thing that your family is interested at the level of a few short phone conversations. You are right. I'm not that great at "confrontational" meetings, but perhaps an email explaining once and for all exactly why I left would be good. Thanks everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyone Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Can you see it as an opportunity rather than an annoyance? It doesn't sound like anyone got angry or hysterical or out of control, so maybe this can be your opportunity to share a little more about your own beliefs. Obviously it was important enough for you to tell your family that you sent them an email- can't really blame them for wanting to talk about it a little more or sharing with other family members. Of course if anyone starts harassing you or becoming intrusive, you should set boundaries, but IMO this is a good thing that your family is interested at the level of a few short phone conversations. You are right. I'm not that great at "confrontational" meetings, but perhaps an email explaining once and for all exactly why I left would be good. Thanks everyone! Write a small book. Explain it all. Then dump the whole thing on them when they express concern or curiosity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dB-Paradox Posted September 14, 2009 Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 I've considered this, too! My testimony from Christianity to freethinker. A video testimony is also I've considered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyone Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 I've considered this, too! My testimony from Christianity to freethinker. A video testimony is also I've considered. Niiicccee. I like that. You could spice it up with music, old photos or videos, even perhaps some written stuff with your speaking behind it (or voice over). Oh, yeah. The only problem would be getting anyone to look at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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