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The Itch To Return?


dB-Paradox
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Have you ever felt a nagging at your heart that you should give Christianity another chance? I did quite a bit when I first left, but these feelings have subsided substantially. Every once in a while, though, I still get that feeling. I try not to ignore it for the sake of wisdom. Rather I ask myself where this feeling is coming from, and then I remind myself why I left Christianity in the first place. Does anyone else get these feelings still? Does anyone else feel that there's a chance you will ever go back to Christianity? Personally, I feel I'm done for good, but I can't tell the future, and I can only be as certain as I feel. Does any of this ring true with anyone else?

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No, but lately I've been feeling a related itch. It comes to me once every few months.

 

Sometimes I start reminiscing real hard, and I think about visiting my old church and pretending to still be a believer just so that I can see everyone again and hang out. And we'd be having a barbecue under the warm California sun, talking about interesting things (we were actually a smart, educated bunch, for the most part), hanging out at Tommy's (legendary L.A. burger joint), cruising around the Valley, hanging out down at Venice Beach, and so on and so forth.

 

Sometimes I have dreams where I actually go and do that. And then I wake up and I feel a weird mixture of warm fuzzy nostalgia and butt-puckering nervousness and awkwardness.

 

And other times I fantasize about going back in order to fuck the senior pastor's daughter. :wicked::fdevil::sex:

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Only when I was new to not being Christian. Usually a few readings of the Bible cured me of any desire to go back to worshipping that evil beast.

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yah, the cycle is hard to break.

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Have you ever felt a nagging at your heart that you should give Christianity another chance? I did quite a bit when I first left, but these feelings have subsided substantially. Every once in a while, though, I still get that feeling. I try not to ignore it for the sake of wisdom. Rather I ask myself where this feeling is coming from, and then I remind myself why I left Christianity in the first place. Does anyone else get these feelings still? Does anyone else feel that there's a chance you will ever go back to Christianity? Personally, I feel I'm done for good, but I can't tell the future, and I can only be as certain as I feel. Does any of this ring true with anyone else?

I didn't leave because I didn't like Christianity or Christians. I didn't leave for hypocrisy, bad doctrines or because I (or someone I love) had been hurt. I left because I had put the pieces of a grand puzzle together, and then one day in church I realized that there was no God in the puzzle. I was not "praying" but talking to myself, and the whole thing was a pointless sham. I felt stupid.

 

So I didn't like the feeling of being stupid, and I would not wish that on my worst enemy.

 

I still occasionally listen to religious music, I look at the art with a sense of wonder, I love the architecture, and all the trappings. Yeah, all that stuff still appeals to me, and probably always will, but that's not even close to "giving Christianity another chance." Not even close.

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Have you ever felt a nagging at your heart that you should give Christianity another chance?

 

After much study, thought and prayer I reached the inescapable conclusion that no matter how much I wanted there to be a god watching over everything, it simply isn't possible in the real world.

 

So no, even thinking about going back would be silly.

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I don't have any "itch" to return to christianity - perhaps to go to church and see people again, hang out and chat, etc, but not to the faith itself. And if I do happen to start that direction, a quick thought into why I left takes care of any issues.

 

So, no, not any itch to return to the brainwashing. To see people, yes, but that would come with having to live a lie, and it's just not worth it - if they can't accept me for who I am, then they aren't worth my time and I'm better off making new friends with said time!

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The only itch I ever get is....oh wait...nevermind.

 

The only itches is wishing that ghosts, fairies, spirits, werewolves, etc (you know how ecstatic I would be if I could actually meet Edgar Allan Poe). actually existed. Apparently...ghost sex is amazing.

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I just finished writing out my testimony: From Christian to Freethinker. It seems to have helped to write all my feelings and thoughts out. It's a pretty long testimony, so I won't post it on this website, although I do want to make a small website of my own and post it there. I ended the testimony with:

 

"And with that, my Christian journey ends. It is finished."

 

And I feel it really is! At last...freedom!!!

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Have you ever felt a nagging at your heart that you should give Christianity another chance?...

Nope.

 

And debating with Christians on this website only convince me more to stay away. They are terrible witnesses for their religion.

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Have you ever felt a nagging at your heart that you should give Christianity another chance?...

Nope.

 

And debating with Christians on this website only convince me more to stay away. They are terrible witnesses for their religion.

I wouldn't know a good witness from a bad one, but I get nauseated reading the smarmy, cock-sure, weaselly, distortions that pass for apologies.

 

Part of it is my problem. A 1,000 word post with all of the "God" and "what I think they meant" and belief without evidence just leaves me wanting to post "THEREISNOGOD." What else is there to say? But I admire the people who can stand the stench of apologetics enough to really read them, dissect them, and reply.

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After 9 years, no, I would never go back. I do not feel the slightest compulsion.

 

I would not put myself in a box like Christianity again. I feel it is the most horrible idea ever concocted by the mind of man. There is no way I could live with the idea that I am a depraved sinner by nature. There is nothing good, kind or compassionate about it. There is nothing that is real about it. It is a perverted and depraved doctrine.

 

I have nothing against individuals who profess Christianity as long as they don't try to persuade me to it. There are many good Christians and there are also many bad ones. But, as I have said before, they are good in spite of their religion and not because of it.

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I'm convinced that nothing could ever convince me to go back. I never feel the urge, I never feel a tug. I feel bitterness and hate towards the cult-mindset.

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I have a cream for that itch. hmmm... or maybe that's something else

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Not a twinge.

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After my prior post, strangely enough, I was looking in my closet for my autographed picture of Clive Barker when I came across my old nativity scene set. I was then overcome by a real sense of sadness and loss. I must admit, I sure did feel the urge to go back for a while, and that has continued through today.

 

Passing phase, I hope. Really odd.

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Not so much the lifestyle of attending church, bible study and all the rest of the religion, because I just can't see myself ever doing that again. I have been invited to bible study, in fact just recently. And I declined. For a glimmer of a second I wanted to go but it was only because I wanted to visit with the ladies and have a chat.

 

But giving christ a chance? like just believing in god again and communicating with 'him' yeah I have had that twinge, only just recently I was questioning that perhaps I am wrong and I posted here. But the feelings soon disappeared and that is the thing here, it is more about feelings and emotions.

 

I know now one of the reasons for my continuing in believing in christ and bible god was perhaps it often brought me comfort, it was just a familiar thing I knew, especially during lonely difficult times, but I remind myself of how whatever peace I did use to get was short lived, because I would then get anxious and nervous about everything else that was part of believing. It was mental torture for me at times. I was a born again and praying for salvation for others was a continuous thing for me, I felt 'burdened' for my 'unsaved' friends and loved ones and every other non believer on the planet. my anxiety disorder and ocd just got worse, I was going through cycles of praying, repenting, praying and asking for forgiveness for everything I felt I was being 'convicted' of by the 'holy spirit'. Just no I can't ever go back to that. It almost drove me over the edge. It isn't for my personality type and mental state.

It is false advertising about the peace that god brings, there was no peace for me. I use to like the slogan, "no god, no peace, know god, know peace" NOW I see it "no god, know peace"

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But giving christ a chance? like just believing in god again and communicating with 'him' yeah I have had that twinge, only just recently I was questioning that perhaps I am wrong and I posted here. But the feelings soon disappeared and that is the thing here, it is more about feelings and emotions.

That's exactly what I'm talking about here. I could care less for church, bible study, and the like. But I've wondered, "Does Jesus deserve a second...no, I mean another chance?" (Because he's been given more chances than most people would get if they screwed me over.) It's still something I find myself doing. Talking to God as if I'm still a Christian. But I can't help but wonder if it's really myself I'm really addressing.

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Have you ever felt a nagging at your heart that you should give Christianity another chance?

No. What would be the point?

 

Why not give Santa Claus another chance?

 

And the Tooth Fairy too.

 

Now that all the years of brainwashing has been purged out of my system, there wouldn't be any reason for me to give Christianity another chance unless I developed psychosis and became so fucked up I didn't know the difference.

 

The bottom line is this: No matter how hard I try to make the non-existent exist, they still won't exist.

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Have you ever felt a nagging at your heart that you should give Christianity another chance?

 

 

Not for the God thing. But I have recently thought about going to socialize my 1yo daughter. Though that thought didn't last long(I don't want her to go through all the religious B.S. myself and others have went through), I do wish society had better social programs.

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But giving christ a chance? like just believing in god again and communicating with 'him' yeah I have had that twinge, only just recently I was questioning that perhaps I am wrong and I posted here. But the feelings soon disappeared and that is the thing here, it is more about feelings and emotions.

That's exactly what I'm talking about here. I could care less for church, bible study, and the like. But I've wondered, "Does Jesus deserve a second...no, I mean another chance?" (Because he's been given more chances than most people would get if they screwed me over.) It's still something I find myself doing. Talking to God as if I'm still a Christian. But I can't help but wonder if it's really myself I'm really addressing.

 

Yep I get that feeling. In fact I am doing it right now (giving it a chance I mean). Isn't working though, surprise surprise. But I don't see any reason to feel ashamed that I need to give it a try in a different way before I can be confident that walking away is the right thing to do. Me and Jesus (the imaginary god-man in my head) had some good times LOL

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I don't have any urge to return to Christian belief, but today I found a website put together by several of my former friends. I didn't stop being friends with them because they were assholes or mistreated me or wouldn't have anything to do with an atheist... they're just people I drifted away from as we had less in common, but I still have good memories of them.

 

I know that I should feel that they're just brainwashed and delusional to be talking about Christianity constantly... but what I'm seeing is that they're happy and close and having fun together, and I wish that there was a way I could be part of their group without it being about religion.

 

Ultimately, I'm happy that they're happy, even if what makes them happy isn't something I can believe in.

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