Fweethawt Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New "Intelligent Falling" Theory. TOPEKA, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling. "Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University. Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power." Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible. According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise. The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed decision." "We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said. Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis. "Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling." Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture. "Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how." "Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'" Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics. "Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus." FROM HERE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MQTA Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 "There is no gravity, the Earth SUCKS" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gothicrip Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 ... ... You know what? Now we can blame god for pushing those poor suicidal children to their deaths. BAD god! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MQTA Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 "To learn how to fly you just Throw yourself on the ground and Miss" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eccles1:2 Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Isaac Newton clearly didn't appreciate the gravity of the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Jeff Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 LMFAO!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted August 26, 2005 Author Share Posted August 26, 2005 LMFAO!!! Brother Jeff, take a reeeeeeeeally close look at the diagram on the screen in the picture. Now that, is some funny shit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Now I'm only waiting for Intelligent Quantum Theory and Intelligent Electronics. God moves all electrones with a rubberband between my keyboard and the computer and he uses a straw to blow the electrons from the computer to the screen. So every sacrilege thing I say on this site, he has made sure it went through. God must be for true free speech, since he doesn't object to retype the blasphemeous sentences on mine and others screens many times over. And what about Intelligent Christianity? Ooops! That's a contradiction... will never happen... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New "Intelligent Falling" Theory.TOPEKA, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling. ............................. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I cannot believe my own eyes. This is just as crazy as the "Flat Earth Society". Shall I laugh or cry? Tell me it's just a huge joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New "Intelligent Falling" Theory.TOPEKA, KS—............... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> What on earth is wrong with Topeka Kansas? The modern pentecostal movement were also born there. A holiness preacher, Charles Parham, was leader of an bible school in Topeka, where they searched for spiritual experiences and studied the Acts. In january 1901 one of his students began to speak something, that wasn't ordinary language, and Parham concluded, that it was the Holy Spirit that had come back to earth in the same way as at the first pentecost. Parham became the first pentecostal preacher, telling comming missionaries not to learn foreign languages, but just go to the mission field and preach in tounges to the people there. Parham never became really successful, but later one of Parhams other students William J. Seymour started the famous revivals in Azusa Street. So although pentecostalism was spread from Azusa Street to all over the world, it all started in Topeka Kansas. What the Hell is wrong with that town? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruthWarrior Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 FROM HERE <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Parody site. Muahahaha you've all been duped! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 This theory will unpeel llike an onion... Fwee, you rat bastard! kL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 I've said it before and it bears repeating: Religious people are insane and should be locked up to protect society. "Intelligent Falling". What a load of bullshit! How can ANYONE spout such spurious drivel and NOT be laughed into obscurity? WTF?!? Do these idiots WANT to return to the stone age? I suppose now we are to believe that every plane crash and shuttle explosion can be attributed to "god" swatting them down? Good grief, Charlie Brown. Religious people make me want to flee the fucking planet. But I suppose that's now allowed, since god is holding me down? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kryten Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Priceless. The projected image in the pic is great! (1Cor 1:10 equals one, BTW) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chefranden Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 They may be right. Apparently gravity pushes. It doesn't pull. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 They may be right. Apparently gravity pushes. It doesn't pull. Fine. GRAVITY pushes. Not "god". HUGE difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted August 27, 2005 Author Share Posted August 27, 2005 This theory will unpeel llike an onion...Fwee, you rat bastard! kL You're soooo right. About the "onion" thing, that is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted August 27, 2005 Author Share Posted August 27, 2005 Fine. GRAVITY pushes. Not "god". HUGE difference. Mr. Grinch, I think you're overreacting to this a bit. Just because you can't find it within yourself to open up to new ideas and different ways of understanding things doesn't mean that those who come up with these different ideas are stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted August 29, 2005 Author Share Posted August 29, 2005 Just for the record, Mr. Grinch, my post above was written in jest to you. I saw how uptight you were getting over the article I posted and tried to pull you in a bit more since it seems that you aren't aware that it is satire. In short, I was instigating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Neil Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 Proving yet again that the Onion is the only reputable news source on Earth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zach Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 I thought this article was really funny when I read it because it's one of the typical examples that I give to creationists who want to criticize the Scientific credentials of evolutionary theory. If they're so willing to second-guess that, then surely they can come up with a more 'spiritual' alternative to gravitational theory, no? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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