Heimdall Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 I loved this and thought you folks might too: You might be a Christian if... 22) You think you defend your worldview successfully, but your two main arguments are based on circular reasoning (The Bible is true because the Bible says...) and ad hominem attacks (Everyone already knows God is real, and those who deny it are lying to themselves). 21) You always try to observe the ten commandments like Exodus 20:7, but you never try to observe the punishments like Leviticus 24:16. 20) You trust a book written by sheepherders in a time when humans thought the world was flat and that women determined the gender of offspring, but you don't trust a book written in modern times by a scientist. 19) You believe that fear of God and love of God are compatible and even complimentary. 18) You believe that a material universe created ex nihilo by an eternal, immaterial God makes more sense than an eternal, material universe itself. 17) You believe that a being that creates flawed, imperfect, and evil entities can be all loving and all wise. 16) You think that a story involving a God who sacrifices himself to himself in order to circumvent a law he created himself that would have forced him to send his own flawed creations to a Hell he created himself makes perfect sense. 15) You think two wrongs make a right in that everyone is born guilty, and that spilling innocent blood provides redemption for this inherent guilt. 14) You deny the first law of thermodynamics, and champion the second law of thermodynamics. 13) You claim that faith (belief in things unevidenced) is required for salvation, but you attempt to prove Christianity with material evidence every chance you get. 12) You insist that God is responsible for everything in the universe, and then insist that original sin is Adam's fault and that Satan was responsible for his own rebellion. 11) You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours. 10) You feel that the theory that people evolved from other life forms trivializes and cheapens humanity, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt and ribs. 9) You claim that God's love is all encompassing and unconditional, and the only condition is that you admit worthlessness and submit fully to his will. 8) Your cringe when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" -- including women, children, and trees! 7) You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky. 6) You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a couple of generations old. 5) You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects -- will spend eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving." 4) While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity. 3) You state that prayers are always answered even if the exact opposite of what you pray for happens. 2) Despite the fact that prisons and mental institutions have a higher percentage of Christians than the general population, and college educated people have a higher percentage of atheism than the general population, you claim that Christianity will improve ones moral code and quality of life; you claim that Christians are better people. Then when presented with this contrary evidence, you claim that the devil is to blame for this "deception". 1) Your grandest wish is for God/Jesus to come down from heaven and initiate an apocalypse, yet again committing near total genocide on all of humanity. From here: http://goosetheantithesis.blogspot.com/ Heimdall (hey Dave, I finally found my bouncy again!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
☆ TexasFreethinker ☆ Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Those are good Heimdall. Most fundamentalist christians haven't thought of it this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Beautiful. Just beautiful. I need to have that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaoi Huntress Earth Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 I agree, great job. Though fundie would be a more appropriate term. Here's some others... -You bitch about violent video games and showing Saving Private Ryan on basic TV yet find nothing wrong with taking your kids to see a film with an overly long and gory torture scene. -Despite the fact that a good number of politicans and the president are Christian, there are about five Christian TV stations (not counting the secular channels that carry televangelist shows), and abstance education and intellegent design are taught in many class rooms, you believe you're kind is persecuted. -You have no problem with unfair biblical laws such as illegitimate children (and the next ten generations) from an outer maternal affair. -Your heart goes out to human vegtables and fetuses, but you hardly care that 50% of the homeless population is composed of children and the elderly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyinasuitcase Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 -Your heart goes out to human vegtables and fetuses, but you hardly care that 50% of the homeless population is composed of children and the elderly. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> THANK you! What pissed me off was all the media attention Terri Schiavo was getting when the fundies kept trying to intervene with her feeding tube. GEEZ! Here I live in L.A. where I have to look in the eyes of near-starving homeless people (who are fully conscious and alive) EVERYDAY. I mean, wtf, stupid media. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Jeff Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Excellent, Brother Heimdall! Glory! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponymic Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 That's why he's the co-founder, and we all love him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ro-bear Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 A good reminder of why I'm so amazed that so many believe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 Most excellent. Copied and pasted to armory...er, files. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 Yeah! Dude, can I borrow that for personal reference? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 I get nauseous when I read stuff like that. Not because of the subject matter, but how true it really is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 Good revision of an old one lost in a drive crash.. Thanks man! kL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 Awesome. Who said it would take a huge book to prove xtianity false? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 I loved this and thought you folks might too: Part of it I already knew (there's a shorter version of it floating around, called "top ten signs that you are a christian"), but still it's good stuff. Hail to you, guard of the rainbow bridge! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christopher Carrion Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 Funny how the Christians who frequent this forum tacitly ignore threads of this stripe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaoi Huntress Earth Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 THANK you! What pissed me off was all the media attention Terri Schiavo was getting when the fundies kept trying to intervene with her feeding tube. GEEZ! Here I live in L.A. where I have to look in the eyes of near-starving homeless people (who are fully conscious and alive) EVERYDAY. I mean, wtf, stupid media. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> There's this sancitity of life-type of organization in my town. It's the kind that has plastic replicas of developmental stages of a fetus in the display window of their building with your typical support the troops with an American flag draped over a little coffin. But the real kicker is a sign that goes something like save the unborn so they can become tomarrow's solgiers. I have half a mind of going in there, play along like I'm going to join and mention how I just can't wait to support the sancity of life by fighting for affordable health care for everyone, helping the homeless, and revoking the death penalty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vixentrox Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 Funny how the Christians who frequent this forum tacitly ignore threads of this stripe. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> The truth hurts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 Oooh Ooooh! Can we ram this down goodbook's throat? He's the new foolish fundie who can't spell in our midst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutal Brian Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 That's pretty good. I wrote something similar to that a couple months back called Fundie Warning Signs but I can't seem to find it any place. Oh well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted August 28, 2005 Share Posted August 28, 2005 Funny how the Christians who frequent this forum tacitly ignore threads of this stripe. For the sake of fairness, this thread currently resides in the Rants forum - maybe the chance of christians dropping it would be somewhat higher in the Debating forum. That said, however, you are right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted August 28, 2005 Share Posted August 28, 2005 ...the real kicker is a sign that goes something like save the unborn so they can become tomarrow's solgiers... Hitler would have been proud of these people - the slogan perfectly reflects his attitude toward children. Either future cannon-fodder or future cannon-fodder assembly lines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Jeff Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 My glorious "You Must Be a Christian if..." list is located here: http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=3410 Glory! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heimdall Posted August 29, 2005 Author Share Posted August 29, 2005 My glorious "You Must Be a Christian if..." list is located here: Good ones, maybe we ought to combine the two! - Heimdall Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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