Anger At Them!

[Gandolph]

I am looking for advice on how to deal with my anger at those that taught me about the god of the bible, etc. They ruined a good part of my life already, so I don't want their impact to continue, or at least I want to lessen the impact they had and still have on me. I am certainly right to be angry, but it is not good for me.

 

Thanks!

[nightflight]

I am looking for advice on how to deal with my anger at those that taught me about the god of the bible, etc. They ruined a good part of my life already, so I don't want their impact to continue, or at least I want to lessen the impact they had and still have on me. I am certainly right to be angry, but it is not good for me.

 

Thanks!

 

Perhaps just realize that the people who did it to you were also victims of the meme at one time. Christianity is based in fear, terror. Christianity introduces this terror often to young people, when they are most vulnerable, and so the meme is passed on.

[Guest Davka]

Welcome!

 

Your awareness that it is not good for you is the first step. Ruining your health by steeping in anger simply allows the damage to continue.

 

It also helped me to think about my own attitude towards evangelizing when I was a Christian. I wasn't trying to screw anyone over, or do any harm at all. I honestly believed that I was doing the most loving, caring thing possible by sharing the Gospel with others. I think that this is probably the case for all but a tiny handful of cynics in the Church. They didn't try to screw you over, they did it because they were every bit as victimized as you were.

 

Or, as Jesus said, "forgive them, Gandolph, for they know not what they do!"

[Guest Davka]

Way to bitch-slap me with a shorter post that says it better, nightflight!

[Raul]

Hey,I am not angry. They're basically nice people with weird believes. Well,that probably doesn't have much in common with your case,so I can't really relate to your problem.

[par4dcourse]

Cold anger works better anyways. Saying "the wholly babble is ludicrous" to evangelicals at the door is less effective if you're jumping up and down screaming at the top of your lungs. They have canned responses for such events.

Say it just above a whisper, in your best Jack Nicholson, while staring intently at the leader's eyes and you'll make the church newsletter!

Welcome to the boards, and rest assured it does get easier.

 

-Larry

[chefranden]

I am looking for advice on how to deal with my anger at those that taught me about the god of the bible, etc. They ruined a good part of my life already, so I don't want their impact to continue, or at least I want to lessen the impact they had and still have on me. I am certainly right to be angry, but it is not good for me.

 

Thanks!

 

I'm thinking that this may still be "Christian thinking". The "evil they" always do what they do with malicious intent.

 

It is of small comfort, but know that everybody's life gets ruined one way or another. Those folks that ruined your life, are also being ruined by the same thing. The main difference is that you know it.

[Jin Kisaragi]

So we're all victims?

[Guest Davka]

So we're all victims?

Victims and victimizers at the same time. Welcome to the Human Condition.

[Non-Redneck]

Your initial anger is normal, but I agree with Davka that long-term it is not healthy. I had a great deal of anger at the Christians and Christianity for a while. I wanted to fight back against them so hard. But I realized that this would be no different than what I did as a Christian, only I would be on the opposite side this time. I would still be wasting my time with Christianity.

 

I therefore resolved that my life would not be consumed by Christianity any more. I moved to ignore it as much as possible. Though I still have some flare ups from time to time, most of the anger about being deceived is gone. (Though how can I not get p*ssed off when fundies try to hijack science in schools and the government?)

 

Instead of focusing anger on Christianity, I focus my energy on living life, my family, my friends, work, my hobbies, learning, doing things that are productive and beneficial. Like you, I have lost time because of Christianity. That will not change. The time is lost, no matter how angry I get. But I don't blame myself. I will live life and try to enjoy it until I die. That is the way I will defeat Christianity.

[Astreja]

I still get inordinately angry at people who attempt to preach at Me, but over the past four years or so I've calmed down a lot.

 

My method: Ironic humour and meticulous, piece-by-piece dissection of apologetics arguments. Or, to put it another way, 'Edit twice, post once'.

 

(Oh, and it helps to have a Clue-by-Four™ for vicarious expression of the remaining anger.)

[par4dcourse]

So we're all victims?

 

I smell a sermon about to break out.

[PaulQ]

When you become angry, you allow that which has angered you to occupy your mind, which is probably the only thing you can truly call your own. Why allow them that much control over you?

 

If there's someone or something currently actively causing you anger, you need to separate yourself from that person or thing. Once you've managed the separation, you need to maintain it so that your mind can focus on the things you enjoy; whether it's hedonistic pleasures or selfless acts.

[Jin Kisaragi]

So we're all victims?

 

I smell a sermon about to break out.

It will taste of purple.

[Guest Davka]

So we're all victims?

 

I smell a sermon about to break out.

It will taste of purple.

 

Jin, you are really fucking weird.

 

I like that.

[Legion]

There is an excerpt in from “Meeting the Monkey Halfway” written in 2000 by a monk named A.S. Bhikku which I would like to share.

 

“Undercut the power of your anger by seeing it in the present. Look intently into all its aspects and it will lose its power. Discard every layer of anger; look into your reactions in relation to the offender. Why are you angry? What do you wish to do with this anger? How far and in what direction do you want to go with it? How significant is this in your life? Is this anger worth jeopardizing your well-being? Is it worth all the time that you are spending on it? The exercise of questioning your way through your anger will effectively force you into facing the realities of that moment. It will also give you the opportunity to answer those questions honestly. At the end of your investigation, you can be sure that you have lost the momentum of that anger and, therefore, have regained control over your otherwise runaway emotions. This is one of the great escapes from suffering.”

[Legion]

I'm printing this out. It is really good. Holy crap.

Glad you enjoyed it Phanta.

 

I think you're pretty kosher too.

[R. S. Martin]

There is an excerpt in from “Meeting the Monkey Halfway” written in 2000 by a monk named A.S. Bhikku which I would like to share.

 

“Undercut the power of your anger by seeing it in the present. Look intently into all its aspects and it will lose its power. Discard every layer of anger; look into your reactions in relation to the offender. Why are you angry? What do you wish to do with this anger? How far and in what direction do you want to go with it? How significant is this in your life? Is this anger worth jeopardizing your well-being? Is it worth all the time that you are spending on it? The exercise of questioning your way through your anger will effectively force you into facing the realities of that moment. It will also give you the opportunity to answer those questions honestly. At the end of your investigation, you can be sure that you have lost the momentum of that anger and, therefore, have regained control over your otherwise runaway emotions. This is one of the great escapes from suffering.”

 

Yes, this is a good approach. However, it depends on a lot of things as to how effective it is. In my observation, there is a major difference between the under-25 person who has been loved and respectfully treated from infancy versus the middle-aged person who has been abused emotionally, intellectually, and physically from infancy. The above quote will work wonders for the first person. It will barely touch the tip of the ice berg for the second person.

 

But it will touch the outer edge of the tip. Over time, along with other avenues of lessening the deep inner tensions, the anger will eventually become bearable. Just being on these forums where I could read about the experiences of others that were similar to my own, and share my frustrations--and be heard, has greatly lessened the inner tensions. At last I knew that my deep questions about Christian theology were not crazy--that there were others who were bothered by the self-same questions and inconsistencies in the Bible and Christian teachings. That, in and of itself, was therapeutic. Time is a great healer. But it will take TIME.

 

Many on here have said Christianity has inflicted scars that will never fully heal. But I think we can learn how to live with them as the inner tensions lessen. If your case is really bad, it may also help to find a really good therapist. Finding a really good therapist can be a task in itself, but once you find one it can be worth it.

[ShallowByThyGame]

Have you ever seen the movie The Matrix?

 

It is a lot like that...these people have been hoodwinked and they aren't aware of it. They think they are trying to help you.

 

Turn that anger into something positive...promoting science and critical thinking...maybe we can help some of these people unplug themselves from their delusions. At the least, you have evidence on your side.

 

For example, my grandmother was a racist, and my mother always felt bad about that...except my mother is still homophobic, which I feel bad about...so if we keep acknowledging the mistakes of our ancestors we can progress slowly. They don't know any better because they were given misinformation, so if you are angry then promote the truth, but not out of hatred, but out of love. Even though Jesus wasn't a God, he got forgiveness correct...they know not what they do.

[bird28]

I just grin and bear it... seriously I am angry, but I know that I shouldn't take it out on people, it's really not their fault as stated above.

[Seeking]

Just being on these forums where I could read about the experiences of others that were similar to my own, and share my frustrations--and be heard, has greatly lessened the inner tensions. At last I knew that my deep questions about Christian theology were not crazy--that there were others who were bothered by the self-same questions and inconsistencies in the Bible and Christian teachings. That, in and of itself, was therapeutic.

 

This x10.

[Outlaw393]

I'm not angry. I was raised Christian, and my feeling is that my family taught me what they honestly believed was the truth. It was up to me to break away and find my own truth.

 

[qec]

I forgive them as best as I can and keep the process going of "moving on". I also try to understand and respect Christians in my day to day with whom I come in contact with: They think what I think is bullshit too, but there is far more to relationships than that. Sure I will probably have a hard time trusting any Christians for the rest of my life, but you can either get stuck or get over it. Getting over it is really only good for the person who suffered because people could give a fuck less if you don't. So you adapt and survive.