Angel Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 I have been out off church for almost 2 years now and I still struggle with guilt about staying out of church, not believing etc. The effects that religion has on a person can be long lasting and troublesome, depending on how involved you were and what denomination. I was a pentecostal flake, bottom line. I was DEEPLY involved for over 12 years. I was an active member of a couple churches (not all at the same time.. lol) , was a Sunday School teacher, and even evangelized singing at different churches. So, what happened? I would have to say it was a jumble of MANY things. I had some horrible experiences with churches and the people in them, but I still remained faithful and continued to go to church. After about 10 years in my 12 year journey as a "saint", I started to study the bible (being a Sunday School teacher, you gotta know your stuff) and noticed some things that really disturbed me. I saw that 1+1 was not 2 and I started to feel deceived and robbed. Robbed of all the time that I had invested, friends that I had lost because I was a pig-headed know-it-all fool, and missing out on many joys in life that were considered "sin". Even with my doubts, I remained in church because of guilt that was pounded in my head over and over again. It was not until 2004 that I broke free and left the church. I could not handle anymore. All the hypocrisy, the lies and deceit, the sense of being unworthy, and the things that I had noticed in the bible.. enough was enough. I still deal with issues of anger because of all the time that was wasted. I suppose it will take me a while to get over that. I know when I think back, I feel like a MAJOR idiot. How could I have been soooooo blind and arrogant? I was the judge and jury to most people that I knew, I critisized people for the most stupidest things, things that did not matter yet in my mind, it was ALL that mattered. I look back and I can not even stand me! I am glad that I am able to think for myself and not have someone do my thinking for me. I can not stand the person I used to be, but I am looking forward to the person that I am becoming.... me. I am glad for a site like this, thank you for having the know-all to do so. It helps to know that you are not alone and that people actually DO understand you. ok, short little rant (believe me, short) Thanks for listening/reading! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 Welcome to the site, Angel! Make yourself to home and feel free to rant all you like. We love it. If it makes you feel any better, YOUR EX-testimony has the precise flavor of MINE. I found myself nodding knowingly at all your words. "Been there, done that." It has only been recently that I've BEGUN to forgive myself for being a fundy/charismatic idiot. It truly is hard to imagine that I was EVER that stupid. But I was. To my shame. So I know where you're coming from. But, it DOES get better. Trust me. Just hang around here and keep posting. It helps to vent in a safe environment and work some stuff out. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 WELCOME to Ex-C Angel and thank you for sharing your Anti-T. There are many former Pentecostals here, I think many will identify with you. It takes a very long time to unlearn all the fear, guilt and all the other negitive stuff we've been programed to accept as 'love and Mercy'. Even if you know something is contradictory or wrong, the feelings that have been programmed into us are much harder to unlearn. Their are many many wonderful minds here, I look forward to seeing more of your posts!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel Posted August 27, 2005 Author Share Posted August 27, 2005 Thanks for making me feel welcomed. Believe me, I have A LOT to rant and gripe about when it comes to my "holy" past. I started out in an Apostolic Oneness Pentecostal church, then a Church of God. Not too much difference between the two, except on some things (not a lot, believe me) they are more leanient than Apostolics. One thing is for sure, I said it in another post, Pentecostalism is a religious cancer. It really is! Once it is in your system, it eats at you and you have to literal fight for your life (to get normal life back) to get it out. I do not even know how to begin to tell you all the crap that I have seen and been through with my loving brothers and sisters in Christ. I have been mentally abused and it has caused some problems mentally even now. They really make you feel like you are not worth the poop in a cat box. Then they tell you it is satan if you are depressed? Go figure? I have never seen as many "forked tongues" in my life until I got involved in church. It is like, do as I say, not what I do, then again, don't do what I say either because that is not what I really meant, you took it out of context.. lol Anywhoozles, please forgive my spelling if I messed up, it is worse than my typos at times! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 awww, Angel... I'm so very sorry and understand completely where you come from. I was raised in the AssofGod Church/School (Assembly of God) I know all to well what you state here. They have instilled literal terror on my mind,with all their rapture bs and end times bs, all their hell bs and the thoughts of loved ones of mine and people in general suffering for ever... It's the worst kind of damage they do, and the after effects as you state stay with you for perhaps a life time. You have no idea what vile contempt I have for these brain washers! I'm extremely sorry for the horrific mind numbing hell you were put thru, may you find peace! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bongo Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 Angel! Welcome! You make me feel sad and happy at the same time! (I'll dwell on the happy then) Congrats and please enter the rants section and blast away! Cant wait to read more. Bongo Me: I was just a silly southern baptist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel Posted August 27, 2005 Author Share Posted August 27, 2005 I was raised in the AssofGod Church/School <{POST_SNAPBACK}> LOL forgive me, at first I had to read this again cause it the way that is abbr. , it said you were raised in the ass of god. Well, that is where they would like to stick ya to make sure you do not go anywhere, that is for sure!!! On a serious note, ty for your post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel Posted August 27, 2005 Author Share Posted August 27, 2005 awww, Angel... I'm so very sorry and understand completely where you come from. I was raised in the AssofGod Church/School (Assembly of God) I know all to well what you state here. They have instilled literal terror on my mind,with all their rapture bs and end times bs, all their hell bs and the thoughts of loved ones of mine and people in general suffering for ever... It's the worst kind of damage they do, and the after effects as you state stay with you for perhaps a life time. You have no idea what vile contempt I have for these brain washers! I'm extremely sorry for the horrific mind numbing hell you were put thru, may you find peace! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Oh yeah, the hell tactic, the super glue to the pew. I have found that it is ALL bs. Christianity is like a spider web, once you are caught, you are in danger of death (of your mind) and it is hard to break out and away, but if you do get away, you are never the same afterwards. My father, rest his soul, he was VERY into this, considered a minister by most. I remembered what my dad used to be like before he was "saved". Once he got the pentecostal fever, I had a robo-pastor at home. I know that he meant well, had concern for me and all, but it was really hard. That is another thing I had guilt on, because he is gone, I felt guilty when I walked away because I felt he would be very disappointed in me. Sounds silly doesn't it? It does however, feel GREAT to have my mind back from captivity. I tell ya, when I first left, it was kinda scary because I did not have that crutch there. (Note crutch, meaning they keep you unable to walk on your own) I had always relied on what they told me to do, it was refreshing at the same time to actually decide for ME what I wanted, rather what everyone else wanted. However, I still had the fear of, "what if" about hell. Without hell, you would not need their Jesus now would you? Their love for him (christ) is not REAL love, it is brown-nosing to make sure they are not going to be a marshmellow on satan's stick in the flames of hell. Smores anyone? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
☆ TexasFreethinker ☆ Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 I started to study the bible (being a Sunday School teacher, you gotta know your stuff) and noticed some things that really disturbed me. I saw that 1+1 was not 2 and I started to feel deceived and robbed. Welcome Angel! A lot of us are here because of what we saw in the bible. It's a great deconversion tool when read with an open mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuroikaze Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 I feel like a MAJOR idiot. How could I have been soooooo blind and arrogant? I completly understand how you feel, don't beat yourself up over it though. I remember saying a lot of things back when i was a christian that i now regret. Like telling homosexuals that i knew that they were sinful and such. Since I can't take thats stuff back I just try to change the way I live now. I think its rare to find a christian who isn't arrogant. Its just the way christianity teaches people to think. Pretty much all of us have been there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vixentrox Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 Nice to another for whom reading the bible....really reading it, meant the release of a chained mind. No wonder the Catholic Church didn't want anyone but priests reading it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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