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Stuff In My Life.


Skepticaldude541
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I can't post this on my blog since it is about stuff that I don't want any of the Christians I know to read.

 

So I'll just post here. :shrug:

 

A bit of background since not everyone remembers my other posts or has read them. I deconverted a while ago during a time when me and my girlfriend where being separated by her parents. She is still Christian but not nearly as fundy as we both were. She is slowly sliding away from it. We had started our relationship because we considered it "god's will" and we both were going to be missionaries to Israel. It became a lot more than just a god-based relationship over time luckily.

 

So what is bothering me is today we were talking (which has to go on secretly.. :vent: ) and she asked me, "Do you ever wish things could be how they used to be..?" This hurt quite a bit... I do wish things could be how they were to a degree. I wish we were still allowed to be together, that our relationship wasn't exposed to her parents, but I don't wish I was a Christian again. The emotional roller coaster that life was... It was far too much. I've enjoyed life a hell of a lot more, my suicidal tendencies practicably vanished with my deconversion. The guilt and horrible repression that I went through as a Christian is something I never want again. I'm surprised I came out of all of it relatively unscathed, especially hearing about what it has done to others. It hurts to see her so confused though. We don't get to talk for long periods of time like we used to. Those long talks usually worked out most issues going on in our lives. (I feel like I'm jumping all over the place in this post but bear with me.) When I think about the future I think it is almost inevitable that she will deconvert eventually. (From what I've observed so far, the doubts are growing deep roots) I know that will be a very painful and difficult time for her. It already is putting more stress on her than she needs right now. Unlike her, I wasn't a fundy all my life, so I think that greatly contributed to the ease of my escape. One thing that I can say that gave me a lot of comfort is that while I was deconverting, she told me that our relationship is more important than what either of us believe, and that she wants me to be happy. Hum. Anywho, thanks for reading.

 

I didn't bother much with grammar or making sure things were worded nicely. :shrug:

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I can't post this on my blog since it is about stuff that I don't want any of the Christians I know to read.

 

So I'll just post here. :shrug:

 

A bit of background since not everyone remembers my other posts or has read them. I deconverted a while ago during a time when me and my girlfriend where being separated by her parents. She is still Christian but not nearly as fundy as we both were. She is slowly sliding away from it. We had started our relationship because we considered it "god's will" and we both were going to be missionaries to Israel. It became a lot more than just a god-based relationship over time luckily.

 

So what is bothering me is today we were talking (which has to go on secretly.. :vent: ) and she asked me, "Do you ever wish things could be how they used to be..?" This hurt quite a bit... I do wish things could be how they were to a degree. I wish we were still allowed to be together, that our relationship wasn't exposed to her parents, but I don't wish I was a Christian again. The emotional roller coaster that life was... It was far too much. I've enjoyed life a hell of a lot more, my suicidal tendencies practicably vanished with my deconversion. The guilt and horrible repression that I went through as a Christian is something I never want again. I'm surprised I came out of all of it relatively unscathed, especially hearing about what it has done to others. It hurts to see her so confused though. We don't get to talk for long periods of time like we used to. Those long talks usually worked out most issues going on in our lives. (I feel like I'm jumping all over the place in this post but bear with me.) When I think about the future I think it is almost inevitable that she will deconvert eventually. (From what I've observed so far, the doubts are growing deep roots) I know that will be a very painful and difficult time for her. It already is putting more stress on her than she needs right now. Unlike her, I wasn't a fundy all my life, so I think that greatly contributed to the ease of my escape. One thing that I can say that gave me a lot of comfort is that while I was deconverting, she told me that our relationship is more important than what either of us believe, and that she wants me to be happy. Hum. Anywho, thanks for reading.

 

I didn't bother much with grammar or making sure things were worded nicely. :shrug:

I understand. Things change, and we can't change them back. If my wife, who I love more than life itself, wanted to go to church, I would go with her. I could sacrifice my sanity for her, and my pride.

 

But, she doesn't want to go to church, and she knows I'm a strong atheist. We don't discuss it since it does lead to bad vibes, but she will occasionally ask questions like, "Why do you like Church architecture so much if your an atheist?" I even dragged her to see a local basilica - but not for a service.

 

I don't think you can recapture fundiness, but when you and your significant other are considering the future, don't dismiss her requests out of hand because of what or who you are.

 

It sounds like she really loves you, but although relationships are built on compromise, some things cannot be compromised, and she can't request that you believe again. Beyond that, I wish you the best.

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