I'll pray for you

[☆ TexasFreethinker ☆]

I have a confession to make.

 

I miss the expression "I'll pray for you."

 

Had I been a christian when Pitchu told us about her sister's illness I would have said "I'll be praying for you", and would have felt like I had done a little good.

 

Last night when Thankful was preparing for hurricane Katrina to hit, as a christian I would have told her that I was praying for her too.

 

Instead, I wasn't able to do anything physical to help either of these friends. Instead I'm left telling them that I'm thinking about them or pulling for them. Neither of those let me feel like I've done much to help the situations they are facing.

 

In situations where you really can do some good, I think it's great that we don't have "I'll pray for you" to fall back on. It forces you to realize that unless you get busy feeding the homeless or contributing to the AIDS resource center those people won't be helped. It gets you off your ass where before you might have felt that you did enough just by reminding the lord that there were some folks out there that needed help.

 

But, when there are situations where you can't do more than offer words of support, I miss having those words to fall back on.

 

Does anyone else feel the same? What do you do or say in place of praying for people that you're not able to help in person?

[Vixentrox]

I'd rather people give me money than pray for me. Why don't they offer me money instead?

[Reach]

I have a confession to make.

 

I miss the expression "I'll pray for you."

 

Does anyone else feel the same?  What do you do or say in place of praying for people that you're not able to help in person?

Yes TF, I miss the expression and the activity of prayer and the knowledge that I was going to God on behalf of a troubled soul.

 

In lieu of prayer, when I cannot offer anything tangible, I'm sure I do what you do, which seems like nothing at all. I try to offer some encouraging words and I... hope.

[pitchu]

But, when there are situations where you can't do more than offer words of support, I miss having those words to fall back on.

 

Does anyone else feel the same?  What do you do or say in place of praying for people that you're not able to help in person?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I think it's an empty and uncomfortable feeling to have nothing to give, never mind that we rationally know that prayer is meaningless. It's also an admission of our helplessness in that instance, which brings all the larger questions of our ultimate powerlessness in the face of the "big things".

 

Being able to say, "I'll solicit the only Power that actually might be able to help, okay?" makes us feel that we've done something active, and helps us dodge the painful reality of particular realitites.

 

I guess the only thing to say to the person in need, in the absence of offering prayer, is an honest statement of feeling and of longing to be able to help.

 

Btw, TF, thanks for your words about my sister that made me feel infinitely better than if you'd said, "I'll pray for you and her."

[I Broke Free]

I think it's an empty and uncomfortable feeling to have nothing to give

 

 

Agreed; and offering a useless prayer under trying circumstances for the recipient is designed to make the one who offered the prayer feel better.

 

The poor receiver (especially if they are not a Christian) is now in the wonderful position of having to acknowledge this special “gift.”

 

No wonder prayer is so popular! You don’t have to do damn thing; the recipient is expected to take time away from their own problems to recognize your “help,” and you walk away with your pockets full and conscience clear.

 

What a scam!

[☆ TexasFreethinker ☆]

Agreed; and offering a useless prayer under trying circumstances for the recipient is designed to make the one who offered the prayer feel better.

I think there definitely is an aspect of this in offering to pray for someone, but I don't think it's necessarily wrong as long as the prayer wasn't offered only to make the pray-giver feel better.

 

I think most of us have a sincere desire to do something concrete to help those we care about when they are having a problem. However, because of distance or skill requirements, etc., we're not always able to help.

 

When I prayed for someone I did it because I believed that my prayer might make a difference. Maybe a sick person would be made to feel better, actually be healed, or at least given the "grace" to handle the pain. Had I prayed for Thankful and her family I would have thought that my prayer might help keep them safer during the hurricane.

 

*** Knowing what I know now, I'm not sure exactly why I thought my prayers would matter - but I did. ****

 

None of us like to feel helpless when something bad is happening to people we care about, and prayer made it possible for me to believe that I was actually doing something helpful - I was making a difference. It made me feel better because it made me feel like I was actually providing assistance that would matter. I don't think I did it for the feeling - I prayed because I sincerely wanted to help.

[I Broke Free]

When I prayed for someone I did it because I believed that my prayer might make a difference. 

 

 

Thanks TF,

 

When I was a Christian and offered to pray for someone, I was not thinking the same way you did. I recognized that prayer was useless, and I recognized I was only saying it to get away from any real responsibility.

 

I guess I was pretty crappy Christian.

 

IBF

 

***Edit***

 

I almost forgot! I also wouldn't bother to follow through on the prayer.

[☆ TexasFreethinker ☆]

I guess I was pretty crappy Christian.

That's ok IBF - I wasn't a very reasonable person!

[Alice]

I miss it too. Whilst saying 'you are in my thoughts' and 'I hope' for you - doesn't always carry the same feeling for me, I think I'm begining to learn that it can for the one to whom the words are spoken.

 

It is a useful and good thing to know that other's are thinking of you - and that they care about the outcome of whatever situation you are in and are 'rooting' for you.

 

As a christian the words 'I'm praying for you' spoken to me had many different meanings - depending on the speaker, and I spoke them with different meaning and different intent.

 

When someone I loved or respected or cared about said those words to me - they felt special as an expression of their love and care. I guess there was an added hope that maybe God would listen to them and a better outcome would be secured but in the moment that the words were uttered it was the solidarity and the concern that I valued. And it's this I'm trying to learn in terms of alternative expressions.

 

I think - 'you are in my thoughts' and 'I hope' - express the solidarity and concern just as well. Takes some readjusting to feel this way though.

[I Broke Free]

I think - 'you are in my thoughts' and 'I hope' - express the solidarity and concern just as well. Takes some readjusting to feel this way though.

 

There is always the SpongeBob method available too!

 

"Well, good luck with that."

[♦ nivek ♦]

TfT...

 

It *feels* better for me to know that in my closet there is my *warbag*, a non-expiring airline almost anywhere/anytime ticket, and a few firearms and acessories ready for airline transport.

 

That *feel* translates into "I can be there in 24 hours or less" and "do something".

 

I don't send "regards or love" to others. Unsure my good mental rays do anything other than make me feel better as discussed above. (My tinfoil hat blocks them anyway)

 

Prefer to *do* than *think*. Prepared for the first more often than the latter..

 

kL

[white_raven23]

In lieu of prayer, when I cannot offer anything tangible, I'm sure I do what you do, which seems like nothing at all. I try to offer some encouraging words and I... hope.

 

 

I think Reach nails it good here. To say you are "hoping" for someone is much more genuine, intimate, and realistic.

 

"I'm hoping for you" and "I'll pray for you". One is instantly gratified, whereas the other expresses a future intent which, later you may forget or otherwise fail to carry out (and maybe feel guilty for the failure).

 

Either expression you use, the outcome will be the same. 50 50. Things will either go the way you hope or "pray" or they won't.

 

At least hope has some leeway. This part went good, but this part went bad, and we can honestly be grateful for the positive. Without feeling abandoned by "god" over the stuff that didn't go as we wished (saying it was "god's will" being a thin veil covering what we really feel....despair and disappointment that god chose to ignore us).

[Panther]

I did notice a void wheras before I woud just say "I will pray for you." It WAS a nice thing to say at the time and I was really sincere about it.

 

But now, it makes me think more about my response. I always wish someone my best and tell them that I hope things work out, that I feel bad for them, whatever is appropriate.

 

I think the important thing is to just say whatever you mean with sincerety.

[dead_hobbit]

If nothing else, prayer is an outlet for people to get rid of their frustrations.

 

I occassionally pray, but I never really expect it to do anything. It's a way for me to get rid of some of my stress.

[Max]

Too often, praying is something that people do when they want to take credit for doing something, without having to actually do something. And other times, "I'll pray for you" is a way of chastising you for not being "godly" enough. So it's not always a good thing.

 

But I'll agree there are times then you want to be able to offer something, and you have nothing relevant to give. I'll agree with the general concensus here that sincere good wishes are the best. And remember to watch for the chance to give something of substance.

 

A woman in my office has just found out that she's dying of breast cancer. It's hard to know what to do. We've never been close, but I want to be supportive. So I stop by her office once in a while to ask how's she's doing. That's the best that I can come up with. I think that's somewhat better than "praying" and then bugging out.

[Reach]

A woman in my office has just found out that she's dying of breast cancer.  It's hard to know what to do.  We've never been close, but I want to be supportive.  So I stop by her office once in a while to ask how's she's doing. That's the best that I can come up with.  I think that's somewhat better than "praying" and then bugging out.

Never under-estimate the value of an encouraging word.

 

Thanks, Max.

-Reach

[bob]

I often tell friends that are going through a rough time, that they will be on my mind, or that I will be thinking of them, if I am unable to offer any substantial assistance.

I do not miss offering my prayers to them. Even as a believer, I recognized the utter futility and uselessness of prayer. I recognized early on that it did absolutely no good, other than the temporary psychological boost.

As I look back, I recognize how harmful the offer of prayer truly was, for so often, when a person was offered the prayers of their friends and family, the situation did not improve, and the person then felt that they deserved this calamity sent from God, rather than just recognizing that sometimes life is no fun.

[Clearview]

Thanks TF,

 

***Edit***

 

I almost forgot! I also wouldn't bother to follow through on the prayer. 

 

 

This is key. Do any of the people who say "I'll pray for you" actually take out the time to do it? I think they simply like saying that they will. Makes 'em feel nice and pious before they forget about you and go on with their day. After all, God is in control anyway and there is really nothing for them to worry about.