Question for People with Spouses/SOs

[Ms. K]

For the other half to come around?

 

I know that I am waiting for my husband to get around to quit straddling the fence, and either be a full-fledged True Christian , or be a deist, agnostic, or atheist.

 

Part of me patiently waiting for him? Comes from being able to see that he's struggling internally with issues of religion ever since I just looked at him one night when he was getting really upset that I refused to call myself a Christian anymore (because I wasn't one anymore), shrugged my shoulders and said, "Look, honey, all religion is a man-made construct. It's all a series of myths. What makes Christianity's myths any better than anyone else's?"

 

That took the wind right out of his sails, because one thing he is, well, he's very logical.

 

So, I've given him food for thought. He's been struggling because really, my deconversion has challenged his beliefs. I told him I wasn't a Christian anymore, and look at that, no lightning struck me, the earth didn't open up and swallow me, there was no booming voice from the Big Sky Daddy telling me that I was a naughty girl and needed to repent. But, he's also got a horrible phobia of death. He's very, very scared of what will happen when he dies, so it makes him feel better to think that by declaring himself Saved and a True Christian , he will go to a place in the sky where it's all sunshine and lollipops.

 

I think that once he decides to face his fears of death, he will realize that it makes no difference whether one proclaims oneself a True Christian or not, once you die, you're dead, and that's it.

 

Not to mention, I think he's really understanding why I said that religion is all man-made myths and constructs to explain the unexplainable. Just by being content with my life and my choices, I'm proving to him that I don't have any existential crises that can be explained away by "oh, it's God's will," and I have to figure things out on my own. That morality thing is a real bitch, especially when you don't have a lot of do-it-or-thou-shalt-be-damned instructions to go by. That means that ultimately, YOU are responsible for your moral actions, and you can't blame shit on "Gawd made me do it!" or "Satan must have been bitch-slapping me to make me do that!"

 

Does this theory fly, guys?

[pitchu]

Ms. K,

 

Sounds to me like you're doing the very best thing: setting an example.

[Ms. K]

Thanks Pitchu!

 

I think my biggest issue is that I have the patience of a gnat with ADHD. So, waiting patiently is VERY hard for me.

 

However, the more I wait, and the less I push, the more I see him doing some deep thinking.

[pitchu]

Thanks Pitchu!

 

I think my biggest issue is that I have the patience of a gnat with ADHD.  So, waiting patiently is VERY hard for me.

 

However, the more I wait, and the less I push, the more I see him doing some deep thinking.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I think we all need space in which to change... a mental/emotional dressing room, as it were.