Introduction Of Myself, And My Deconversion

[Guest AmytheAtheist]

My loss of faith is not something I feel is negative, and never was. It was a gradual process over a period of years. My parents (mom and stepdad) were very casual believers. Stepdad had grown up in a fundamentalist family and left the church formally when he was 17. Most of his family stopped associating with him, but his mom kept in touch. She tried desperately to get him to let her take me to her church but he wouldn't allow her to do that because it was a very extreme form of Christianity that he didn't agree with. We were not regular churchgoers (we went probably quarterly to a more liberally-minded and non-denominational church for a good part of my childhood), but my mom told me that people go to heaven when they die, if you are "good" (which if you know much about religion at all, you know that the definition of what "good" means is puzzling and hard to define). When I was 9 or 10 I learned more about my stepdad's mom's very strict version of Christianity, and learned that she refused to attend my mom and stedad's wedding (they were wed when I was very little and I don't remember it) because it wasn't in her church and because my mom had been previously married (to the wrong guy who mistreated her badly, but of course to a lot of the church that doesn't matter as women should just submit to men...psssh). I also had an avid interest in science (still do) and had a hard time reconciling both, but not feeling particularly guilty about beginning to question my "faith."

 

I knew I was an atheist at 13, but didn't know that there was a name for what I was. I just knew I didn't really ever believe in god. I also didn't like religion anymore, even more "casual" versions of it that were more relaxed I still didn't agree with. When I was 16 I finally learned the term "atheism." It's not a faith or a religion, it's just a label for someone who doesn't believe in a creator or subscribe to religion.

 

I try to be a positive and upbeat person, helpful to others, and try to be the best person I can and treat people well. Not everyone gets what they deserve. It's not a just world and there is no just god. But I still want to be good. I think that's what theists are afraid of...people run amok, being violent, etc. without god. That's funny to me because that's already happening and people are using their beliefs to justify it. Morality exists independently of religion.

I didn't become atheist out of anger or cynicism, I became atheist because I cannot believe in an entity that hovers in the sky watching us. I am not militant about it, I just wish there were a way people could live in freedom and peace period, religious or not. Mutual respect, basically. I guess in cases where people vehemently think they are right, they can justify any method of proving it, including killing and torturing those who won't fall into line with their beliefs.

 

I have a lot of Christians in my family. My parents themselves were always encouraging my sister and I to form our own beliefs and think for ourselves. My stepdad has taken a very agnostic stance in recent years, and my mom is still a casual believer, but she hasn't attended church in years. Neither of them seem to mind I'm an atheist too much, although my mom was, the other day, baiting me into a talk about how she dreams of deceased family all the time and that it must be them speaking to her. I don't believe that's so, but if it comforts her to believe it, then I cannot begrudge her that. I just kind of nod along, actually. I love my mom a great deal and if it helps her cope to think her parents are visiting her in her dreams (instead of maybe her dreams are her mind's way of coping which is how I see it) then that's fine with me. I just tell her I think it's beautiful that she has those dreams and leave it at that.

 

I have not told most of the extended family members about my atheism. I try to stick to non-controversial topics with them. They don't really need to know about my lack of faith, and while they are very into their religion, they tend not to be totally obsessed and can talk about topics without always having to bring god into it. I really don't mind hearing about their church, etc. as long as they don't try to force me into it. They are on a very need-to-know basis as far as knowing details of my life, etc. Basically I keep them up to date with my professional/work/educational life, and that's about it. That seems to be about all they want to hear anyway. I'm sure, however, if they knew my atheist philosophy, they'd try to sway me the other way. They are very mired in what they believe, and I don't see a point in debating them when I see them maybe once a year if I'm lucky. I do love them, they're nice people and my family.

 

I have grieved without the help of religion when I've lost loved ones. I would not say it's any "harder" than having Christianity and the comfort of an eventual reunion with loved ones at the end of life. Especially when according to scripture it's near-impossible for everyone I've ever loved to make it into "heaven" anyway. Therefore, I memorialize the person and celebrate their life, cry my tears, feel the pain and then the eventual thankfulness that I knew the person in life, and let them pass on to that from which they came...the earth, the universe, the collective consciousness of the cosmos.

[Shyone]

 

I have grieved without the help of religion when I've lost loved ones. I would not say it's any "harder" than having Christianity and the comfort of an eventual reunion with loved ones at the end of life. Especially when according to scripture it's near-impossible for everyone I've ever loved to make it into "heaven" anyway. Therefore, I memorialize the person and celebrate their life, cry my tears, feel the pain and then the eventual thankfulness that I knew the person in life, and let them pass on to that from which they came...the earth, the universe, the collective consciousness of the cosmos.

Make-believe just doesn't cut it. It might be nice to live in a pretend world, but that's not the way I think. Grieving is always hard, and Christians cry as much as atheists. Somehow that "comfort" they are supposed to have doesn't seem to matter when someone near and dear dies.

 

P.S. Welcome to Ex-C!

[HRDWarrior]

welcome to ex-c, thanks for sharing your story. I agree that grieving really doesn't change due to religion and the "comfort" it provides. And as far as peace goes, typically religion tends to destroy peace and create dissonence, and violence is oft encouraged - which is one of the reasons I find it so amusing that religious people seem to think that without religion people become nasty horrible humans...boggles my mind, really.

[lunaticheathen]

 

I have grieved without the help of religion when I've lost loved ones. I would not say it's any "harder" than having Christianity and the comfort of an eventual reunion with loved ones at the end of life. Especially when according to scripture it's near-impossible for everyone I've ever loved to make it into "heaven" anyway. Therefore, I memorialize the person and celebrate their life, cry my tears, feel the pain and then the eventual thankfulness that I knew the person in life, and let them pass on to that from which they came...the earth, the universe, the collective consciousness of the cosmos.

Make-believe just doesn't cut it. It might be nice to live in a pretend world, but that's not the way I think. Grieving is always hard, and Christians cry as much as atheists. Somehow that "comfort" they are supposed to have doesn't seem to matter when someone near and dear dies.

 

P.S. Welcome to Ex-C!

 

Yes, welcome Amy. And I agree with Shy here - Christians aren't any more comforted. In fact, most of the Christians I've known were far more terrified of death than I ever was, even when I tried to believe in the Jesus-man. I'm not atheist, but my view of death doesn't include heaven/hell, so I have nothing to really fear. Why fear something that will happen anyway? I don't relish the thought that death may come with pain, but other than that, it's natural, and will happen. I miss loved ones that pass, but there's nothing I can do to stop death. And not fretting over whether they are burning in hell or not is far more preferable.

[FourDogBrewing]

WELCOME!

 

After the pain and transition period starts to go away you will be happy to have de-converted.

 

Just something as simple as visiting a museum and being able to believe what they say without being skeptical and wondering how it gels with your religion will be a relief.

 

I know it sounds petty, but trust me, as time passes you will be thankful to have a mind capable of breaking free.