slimfrinky Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Hello, I felt that I should give this site a proper welcome. My name is Mike, and I am an anti-theist. I am a recovering fundamentalist, and I pursue reality with much the same fervor that I pursued God. This is my anti-testimony. When I was growing up I had a very unique childhood. I actually grew up on a small island off the coast of Alaska, living off the land. I was home schooled and did a lot of reading. Unlike many who were home schooled though, I was taught that way out of necessity, not due to religious barbarism. When I was 11 the Exxon Valdez oil spill happened and my parents made a good bit of money and were able to move to what I like to call 'civilization'. Me and my father never had much of a relationship growing up, and that is what snared me. At 11 I started going to the Assemblies of God church across the street from my house. They immediately lured me in with friends, which was convenient for me, seeing as how I was socially backward due to having lived life on an island my whole life. At school I was bullied and picked on, but at church they actually were very nice to me. So church became my social outlet throughout my teen years. And yes, I did ramble on in tongues, get slain in the spirit, and all that jazz. But the whole time I knew I was faking it just to fit in. When I graduated high school it seemed logical to my indoctrinated mind that I should go to their Bible College to become a pastor. About then is when the bipolar kicked in. I did not know this at the time, but my family has a vast history of mental illness in it. It started with bouts of depression when I was in college, and rather than do the sane thing and say that I should see a psychiatrist, these people told me that the depression was my fault and that I needed to pray and get right with god. And pray I did, and eventually I swung into psychotic mania, complete with visions of angels, proof to them that I was filled with the Holy Spirit, and again, no suggestion that I see a psychiatrist. During this time I had become good friends with someone I'll call 'Chad' for the rest of this discussion. Chad was gay, and came out of the closet. Immediately he was thrown off the choir, not allowed to attend chapel, and eventually started getting death threats. Because I was the only person who remained friends with him, I started to get threats too. When I told the school about this, they covered up the incident, and told me to pray about it. That was when I started to question things. I knew, despite my indoctrination, that this was not how to act. I started reading and researching the Bible more, and discovered things that I just couldn't let go of. The God that I discovered in the Bible is arrogant, boastful and proud, quick to anger and destroy, a cosmic bully, seething with rage towards someone if they so much as think the wrong thought. Then after thousands of years of killing for the fun of it, he sends his son, who is really him in disguise, down to earth for a gruesome human sacrifice which somehow makes up for me looking at porn now and then. Oh my, how convenient. So I decide that I don't believe. You would think that would be enough for these people to leave me alone. No, it certainly wasn't. After I got home they would call me all the time, invite me places, and so forth. Anytime I tried telling them why I didn't believe I was told that I was going to burn in hell for all eternity for not believing. I changed my number, they tracked it down. They would knock all the time on my door to push their self righteousness on me. I finally ended up leaving the state. Good news is, I got help for the bipolar disorder, returned to a REAL college, and am currently working on my Masters in Electronics Engineering, where I am at the top of my class. Life is good after faith! I have left a lot of things out along the way, but what I did get out felt good. For amusement you can ask me what it was like working at a Christian book store for two years. That is sure to be good for a laugh. Or ask me what it is like having my bipolar enhanced emotions manipulated by a sadistic death cult for a quick buck! I'm sure to get my jollies off talking about that. One last thing before I go, I just wanted to say this. I deny the holy spirit, deny the divinity of Jesus, I reject the offer of salvation, and I am not afraid anymore. Thank you for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animania Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Welcome. While my story is different from yours, I also had a disruption of my "church life" that allowed me to step back and look at it all more objectively. Oh yeah, I would enjoy hearing some of your stories of working at a Christian book store. I don't think I could have done that even when I was a Christian.....overload. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Valkyrie0010 Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I am interested in you encounters with apologetics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slimfrinky Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 I have fun stories from there. Like how there was a high level of shoplifting! Seriously, we had to install detectors and put tags on all the goods to keep people from stealing. Everything was watered down christian junk, priced to sell, and tacky as all get out. Selling Jesus for a profit. I think one of my favorite things there were mints that sold for 25 cents apiece called Testa-mints. They were regular after dinner mints with a Bible verse printed on them. There was the time that a woman thrust her baby into my arms then proceeded to beat her other child in the face till he had a bloody nose. And once the owner of the store told me that if I wasn't working hard for her, I wasn't working hard for God. Oh yes my friend, I have stories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animania Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I don't know why I am, but I guess I'm surprised about the high rate of shoplifting. Sounds like the lady that beat her kid definitely wanted the whole store to know how much she "loves" her children. I remember hearing jokes about "beating the hell out of kids" back in my Christian days. That's one thought process that never did compute very well with me. I'm glad that I got away from all that before having any kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slimfrinky Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 Interestingly enough, the most commonly stolen items were Bibles, followed by Christian music... Praise and worship specifically. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyone Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Very interesting indeed! I suppose you could probably be thankful you weren't Catholic since the Islands off the coast of Alaska were a favorite destination for pedophile priests who had been disgraced and forced to live in God-forsaken places. The behavior of Christians certainly can be illuminating. Filled with the spirit, are they? It certainly doesn't show. God of the Bible? What can we expect from an ancient mythology from the Bronze age? It fits perfectly. So, Welcome to Ex-C, and I'm glad you got treatment and are pursuing an education in a secular field. There will be bumps in the road no doubt, but here's hoping for a bright future for you and yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tvaholic Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Welcome to the site! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franklyorange Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I did work at a christian bookstore for one year. To this day I am amazed how the owner was the meanest, most selfish, most ignorant human being I have ever met. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franklyorange Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 As far as the Chad story, all I can say is that I can relate to what poor Chad went through. Something happens in a christian's brain when the "G" word is mentioned. It's like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde transformation. I wish that I could get into their brain when they have gone ape to see what is fueling the rage. It's probably all the innocent pre adolescent memories of sexual experimentation popping up on the screen of their mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animania Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 As far as the Chad story, all I can say is that I can relate to what poor Chad went through. Something happens in a christian's brain when the "G" word is mentioned. It's like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde transformation. I wish that I could get into their brain when they have gone ape to see what is fueling the rage. It's probably all the innocent pre adolescent memories of sexual experimentation popping up on the screen of their mind. Or it's just the extreme demonization and shame that they tag onto anything sexual. The same thing is often done to unwed mothers too. They just have an easier time targeting those that wear their "sexual perversion" out in the open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunaticheathen Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Wow, I have limited experience with AoG churches, but they certainly creeped me out with their cultishness. And death threats! I seriously think the members of that church and "college" were the sick ones, and you simply have an unfortunate condition. I am sickened more every day by christians. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slimfrinky Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 I am interested in you encounters with apologetics. No major encounters with apologetics. Seems that most Christians are not familiar with theological arguments. For me it was reading the Bible with a more critical eye. You can start with Genesis. Adam and Eve and the talking snake. Had to ask myself if I believed in talking animals. Noah's Ark. Well what about the dinosaurs? And how the hell did the kangaroos end up in Australia? And if the whole Earth was covered in water, how come we have fresh water and salt water? The story of Lot. Here is a man who offered up his daughters to be raped by a crowd of men, and later gets drunk and impregnates his daughters. And he is the good guy in town! I could go on and on throughout the Bible pointing out things like that, and the Christian arguments just seem so shallow when confronted with the mountains of evidence against the faith. I honestly recommend to anyone who wants to build up their lack of faith to read through the Bible, but read it with a critical eye. I suppose the strongest argument I've seen for God's existence is the mere fact that the universe exists. So we have a question, was the universe formed by natural phenomenons, or was it a magic man in the sky? That is what it boils down to, nature vs magic. And my existence is not enough to make me believe in magic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Googledotman Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I would like to hear more about your testimony and "Chad". As it so turns out I am gay AND bipolar. It makes for an interesting run with Christianity. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slimfrinky Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 I would like to hear more about your testimony and "Chad". As it so turns out I am gay AND bipolar. It makes for an interesting run with Christianity. lol What to say about Chad... Very sweet and caring guy, cared a lot about his religion, his father was a pastor of a church. Me and him had a brief guilt ridden affair. (I'm bipolar, bisexual, and ride a bicycle... Lots of bi's in my life) Of course the affair only lasted for a few days, both of us knowing it was 'wrong'. Still remained friends with him though, but the guilt of what we had done was so bad that it literally reduced me to crying and vomiting at times. Chad eventually had to leave the school in the middle of his senior year due to the death threats he was receiving. His parents disowned him, and I'm not sure what happened to him after that. Like many friends in life he slipped in for a few brief joyous moments, only to disappear again. I wish I could tell you more, but there isn't much to tell really. I'm hoping that he is free of religion and living an openly gay life right now. He was one of the kindest people I have ever met. If he is going to hell for being the way he is, I'll gladly go to hell myself, because clearly that is where the good people go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan Ulery Bunten Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 New to the group and very glad to be here. I was raised a lukewarm United Methodist, then married a MINISTER !!! and served churches in rural Georgia for 16 years. I never was sure I believed in God though and my husband knew this. I left him five years ago and came to accept the fact that I am gay, and also got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Good times! Throughout my self-searching and getting free from some of society's expectations I got the courage to use my mind to examine religion and Christianity and I see plainly that it's a way that mankind has created through the thousands of years to make sense out of a world they didn't understand. I could go on and on but just an introduction for today. Jan, 44, atheist, lesbian, bipolar, ex-wife to a preacher Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulukan Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Thanks so much for sharing this story. I enjoyed reading it and feel that there is hope for some of my family members to eventually get out of the Baptist church and start using their brains, instead of taking the word of their pastor. I find it so sad that christians do not encourage people who are having serious problems (your being bi-polar) to seek professional help. If praying really worked, wouldn't the world already be perfect? There are a lot of people praying out there. This seems to me a cop-out for not doing anything. How easy is it to say, "I am praying for you?" rather than DO something to help a person in need. Thanks for your story! Lulu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bird28 Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 I am dxed with schizoaffective bipolar type. Thankfully, I wasn't around xtains when I lost my nut, but yeah, I understand how that feels. At one point, I thought I was an angel in a human body, when I was in the hospital, and I asked for more meds cause I thought they were giving me pills so I wouldn't fly away, cause I really wanted to stay on Earth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkcece Posted February 28, 2010 Share Posted February 28, 2010 Hi Mike. I'm brand new to the site, but your topic caught my eye as I'm also diagnosed as bipolar. It's refreshing to see that you're getting your Master's and that you're doing so well. So many people think "beepers" (as I sometimes call it ) are all nutjobs who sit and dribble in mental institutions, and not contributing members of society. I am happily moving forward in my career in the PR and Communications field. I work full time, I'm happily married, and I have two thriving and happy little girls. I'm moving out of faith, and infinitely happier now than when I was a fervent Christian. It's also much more comfortable for me to live outside the clutch of church considering my diagnosis. To feel constantly guilty doesn't do anything good when you're bipoloar - I'm sure you know what I mean. I have a post on this thread called "Giving up on God" if you want to know more about my journey). I'm not writing anything about being bipolar there, though it's definitely part of the story. I never told anyone in my church about my diagnosis. I got help on my own. I didn't want to risk the stigma, and push that would ensue if I told. I had to get help though, I couldn't handle it anymore. Cheers to you and your future! -Pinkcece Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lotus Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 I enjoyed yur story. I am a manic depressive myself so know something of the mental anguish that gets mixed up with religion and really plays havoc. Thanks for posting it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franklyorange Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Read your story again after many months. It amazes me the deftness and passion that mainline denominations (especially the charismaniacs) have in trying to control other human beings. More so, how they prey on the perceived weaker members of the human race. If there was such a thing as demon possession, I would say your former church was full of the cream of the crop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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