Did You Get Through Christmas Okay?

[Vomit Comet]

Alright, check in everybody! How was your Christmas with your fundie families? Well, of course, not all of you are in such a situation. But I'm curious: how'd it go this year? Anybody got any horror stories to share with us? Don't be stingy, it's fucking Christmastime!

[Guest Marty]

I have tried to back out of xmas gift giving for years and years, and while I have successfully stopped giving gifts for a few years, my parents would still buy me hundreds of $$ worth of stuff, despite the fact that I said I do not want any part in the commercialism. It is my mother's way of guilting me into participating.

 

This year, I announced I would not be attending the family functions and would not accept any gifts. For the first time since I de-converted, I did not feel any guilt whatsoever. I usually felt guilt from 2 directions. 1) Was that I was accepting gifts while not giving any and 2) I was putting my standards aside and "celebrating" a holiday I actively despised. I do not know why, but participating in xmas makes me feel like I am giving xtianity validation, and that would upset me greatly.

 

It was a little upsetting for personal reasons that, if I can get a pic emailed to me, I plan on posting a rant about, but other than that, I had a nice, stoned & drunken xmas alone, watching Boston Legal at home.

[HRDWarrior]

We were too broke to send gifts of any kind this year, so I think that pissed my mom off a little bit since she's big into that. Other than that, we didn't go home so only talked to people on the phone and that was fine. Most of my family sees Christmas more about getting together and spending time together rather than a worship service, so it's never been too filled with christian crap. Heck, my mom (who has guardianship of my nephew) has told him about Santa Claus and he believes Santa is real right now...which I find rather amusing with her fundy ways. Of course, we never abolished Santa, but I don't think my sister or brother were ever really allowed to believe in him as the guy in the red suit going around delivering presents - they knew about the real St. Nick and how Santa was an idea born from that, but never that OMG what did Santa bring type of thing.

 

But I did draw some re-usable (jpg) coloring book pages for my nephew, so it's not like I ignored the holiday. Didn't have time to do any paintings or anything for the rest of the family, so they'll just have to deal - not like hubby and I even gave each other presents, none the less anyone else!

[Guest Net Eng]

Alright, check in everybody! How was your Christmas with your fundie families? Well, of course, not all of you are in such a situation. But I'm curious: how'd it go this year? Anybody got any horror stories to share with us? Don't be stingy, it's fucking Christmastime!

 

All systems functioning normally, no post holiday guilt detected.

 

Having been out of the church a couple of years and decompressing during that time has led to a much more relaxed Christmas.

[CelticWhisper]

Not technically an ex-Christian but I'm definitely a non-Christian and it causes its fair share of grief among family. Oddly enough, there was only one hiccup at Xmas this year and that was my (too accepting for her own good sometimes) mother's fat, disgusting, closed-minded, right-wing, bigoted slob of an Ameri-Conserva-Republi-Christian husband commenting on my H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society "Scary Solstice" albums being "that atheist crap." I briefly courted the idea of snarking back with "At least it's better than that stupid Jesus shit" but opted not to dignify his comment with a response. Bigger person, I guess, but I have to admit it would've been deeply satisfying to violate the "unwritten rules" about trashing Jesus on his birthday.

 

Luckily my mother values family togetherness much more than religion and so if I really wanted to put a stop to fatty's verbal diarrhea all I'd have to do is threaten not to appear for any more family functions or make it clear that I'd up and leave without a word the first time he says something and I suspect immense pressure would be applied in secret, expertly masked by a veneer of diplomacy. It's nice to have a mom who, when the chips are down, is still Mama Bear when it comes to people frakking with her kids.

 

I only wish I had been able to get her vacation-footage DVD burned and packed in time to present it to her then and there. As it is I'm going to have to run by sometime this week and drop it off. Blarg.

 

As for my girlfriend, her (significantly more fundie, though not strictly fundie in their own right) parents were out of town for Xmas so she was with me and didn't have to put up with religious crap from their corner of the universe.

[The-Captain]

Not too bad, though it's always a bit awkward when we clearly don't ascribe the same significance to the holiday. Talked them into attending a choral music presentation at a Catholic church rather than their usual church's service. Worked pretty well, them being Protestant, as a venue from a denomination none of us buy into proved to be neutral ground.

[qec]

I had a pretty bad time of things. Usually Christmas is spent with family, usually, and I don't really have a family for various reasons. I mean I do, but I don't. I spent Christmas reflecting on how my family might well be preventatively detained eventually. That's not a nice way to spend your Christmas. I love my brothers and sisters but I couldn't spend time with them due to the very extreme nature of the organization that my parents pulled them into. So instead I got to spend time reflecting how, on the other end (government), my brothers and sisters could potentially be preventively detained and tortured, along with myself due to ties with this organization. Of course the fact they could all be lead one day, along with my parents, to commit mass suicide or unwittingly participate in terrorist activities was also a highly comforting thought as well.

 

In short I had a wonderful christmas and discovered the True Meaning of Christmas.

[Mike D]

I didn't see anyone in my family this year. Strangely, I get along great with my conservative Christian father, but my agnostic/deist/whatevertheyare sister and family and my mother I haven't been on speaking terms with in over 2 years.

 

I decided next Xmas I am going to do some type of volunteer gig over the holidays somewhere (not sure what yet). I figure if my family is fucked up and I am not going to see any of them at least I can help make someone else's a little better.

[par4dcourse]

I'm ready to shove that drummer boy's sticks up his ass to shut him up, but all in all, ok for another year.

Now for the week of "years best/worst" and "decades best/worst" lists.

All hail January.

[★ Citsonga ★]

I went home over Thanksgiving rather than Christmas, but since we also celebrated Christmas over Thanksgiving, I selected "Yes I went home."

 

Anyway, it wasn't too bad. I did go to church with the family (only the second time I went to church this year), so there were a few wasted hours. Otherwise, it wasn't too bad. A few religious comments here and there, but they were mostly reasonably avoidable.

 

The only question directed at me wasn't a difficult or personal one at all. My dad asked if I knew anything about why there were different lists of the twelve tribes of Israel in the bible. It was as if he had just noticed it, despite the fact that he's been a believer for some 40 years and reads his bible a lot. Anyway, I just pointed out that the tribe of Joseph was split into two tribes and that sometimes Levi was separated out because of the priesthood, and he seemed satisfied with that answer. I didn't make mention of the fact that the bible is a crock of shit, of course.

 

If my family knew that I no longer believe the nonsense, I don't doubt at all that my dad would be bringing it up quite a bit, trying to reconvert me. So, thus far I've considered it best to just avoid the subject as much as possible.

 

I was with the in-laws' yesterday for Christmas, and it went alright too. Other than getting a very Jesusy xmas card and a nephew saying something about global warming being the biggest lie of our time, it was rather uneventful. We had a nice time.

 

So, all in all, the holidays weren't bad at all. Things went alright.

[chefranden]

When you are 60 years old you don't have to go home for Christmas because you are already there.

 

At this house there is no trouble with Christmas, because there is no Christmas -- no presents, no decorations, no cookies, no large meals, no carols on the stereo, no Christmas cards or letters written, no stockings hung by the fire in hopes that St Nick will soon be here. And best of all there are no Whos in Whoville.

 

Ah, it's good to be the king.

[godlessgrrl]

I had a shitty xmas, but not because of Jeebus. About half of my family are xians but everybody's pretty private about their religious beliefs (or lack thereof). So folks know who's xian and who's not, but nobody gets up in anybody's face about it.

 

This year turned out shitty because spouse got sick a few days before xmas. We'd been planning to go to family get-togethers on the 24th and 25th, but canceled out when spouse got sick, because we didn't want to pass anything on to anybody. I was bummed about that because I'd been looking forward to seeing some of my family, but it was OK.

 

Well by the 24th spouse was much better and I hadn't caught anything, so called parents to discuss the possibility of one or both of us going to either get-together after all. Instead of discussing the options, my folks cut me off and launched into their "what the hell is WRONG with you, what are you THINKING?!" lecture. When I agreed that we would stay with the original plan and not show up, they then yelled at me and banned both of us from any and all family holiday parties.

 

As it turns out, staying home was the best option, since I've now come down with whatever spouse had. What I don't get is how come they had to yell and belittle in order to make their point, instead of just simply saying "Glad you're feeling better but let's stick with the original plan." Instead it was just painfully obvious that they didn't want us there at all, and I don't think it was entirely about us possibly being bug carriers, either. I think they just don't want us around regardless.

 

So I spent the day dealing with the fallout from that. I didn't see the family members I'd wanted to see. I took care of a sick spouse, and then he got better and now I'm sick. We both have lost time from work, which means income we need that isn't there.

 

I dno't think I'm going to celebrate xmas ever again. I like New Year's better anyway.

[Guest Hoseki]

I'm ready to shove that drummer boy's sticks up his ass to shut him up, but all in all, ok for another year.

Oh my stars, you took the words right out of my mouth. That song makes me feel more worry for the guy though. He is already in a bad financial situation, but feels worse because he doesn't have anything to give to a "king" who supposedly has everything

 

When I was a Xian, we were slammed every year with people saying "they're taking christ out of xmas" or "we need to proclaim the REAL meaning of Dec 25." They made it seem like we were martyrs. Like everything about gawd was being tried and tossed away, even over saying "Happy Holidays." For goodness sakes, to say that line was the ultimate back turner on gawd! Despite the fact that there are others who celebrate Hannakah, Kwanza, Saturnalia, Winter Solstice and other holidays during this time.

But anyway, now that I am on the outside, I can't believe how flooded the American people are with this Xian crap. I mean, it is everywhere!!! The radio, stores, EVERYWHERE! Mom and I were watching Saturday Night Live and even on there, it was a subtle message. The songs, decorations, comments and traditions...I seriously started getting pissed off. It was so bad that even my mother, who is open minded but still clinging to the principles, started picking up on it. This was the first year we did not read the Xmas story and I am so relieved. I think that would have been a bit much.

So, this Xmas taught me two things. One, we were lied to about Xian Xmas Martyrism. It doesn't exist here in America. Seriously.

And second, that my parents are much more open than I thought. They've come a long way and are able to see much clearer through the lies. So, all in all it was a good and eye opening holiday season.

[Creepy Doll]

I spent Christmas eve with my partner's family and their annual lobster dinner. They are not fundamentalist at all and are totally accepting of both of us. On Christmas day we opened gifts with the kids and my MIL came over for that. Then we went to my partner's sister's house for dinner and it was very nice also. The rest of the holiday was really quiet since my ex had my kids for the day.

 

My own "family" is full of judgmental xians except for my eldest sister and I no longer talk to any of them except her.

[hereticzero]

I got relatives that get pissy if I don't send a $2 Christmas card. When I am broke I get zilch for kitschmas cards. If I send cards, I get cards back. What a waste of trees. Last year I pissed them all off and sent electronic greeting cards to their e-mails. I got one electronic card last year and 20 whiners wanting me to mail them a card. They are for the majority fundamentalists! I think next year everyone is getting Charles Templeton's Farewell To God book.

 

Creepy Doll, I'm jealous. I LOVE lobster. I love it so much I'd get naked and roll in it if I could!

[hereticzero]

When you are 60 years old you don't have to go home for Christmas because you are already there.

 

At this house there is no trouble with Christmas, because there is no Christmas -- no presents, no decorations, no cookies, no large meals, no carols on the stereo, no Christmas cards or letters written, no stockings hung by the fire in hopes that St Nick will soon be here. And best of all there are no Whos in Whoville.

 

Ah, it's good to be the king.

All hail Chefranden!

[Casey]

Went around to my mate's ex's place for lunch on Christmas Day. Then to his brother's place that night, had dinner with my mate's brother and his missus. Very good food both places, better than what I mostly eat, both of the ladies can cook which is more than I can do! Here in this part of Australia there aren't many fundies (or wowsers as we call them) but I did notice the catholic church had quite a roll up for Mass on Christmas Eve. Couldn't say how the other churches fared seeing as I'm never much where they'd be singing hymns and that sort of thing ...

 

Speaking of Christmas Eve, the local Lions Club put on a fireworks display for Jebus' birthday, what's this make, his 2009th or his 2013? I can't recall, makes no difference anyway. The display was damn good, despite us having lost the man who was our Mr Fireworks for many years earlier in the year. Gary was a former Sapper and an Army trained explosives expert so he excelled at what he did. One jarring note was the carols, not so much their going on about Jebus as their context; you have to appreciate all the seasons are bassackwards here, so that singing about sleigh rides and snow doesn't make much sense, does it? Being as it's high Summer and all. Still, human beings just love their traditions, don't they?

 

As Christmas Day fell on a Friday, the public holiday of Boxing Day was carried forward to Monday. This morning I went out, and using the crane on the back of my ute, helped my mate's uncle pull out a couple of concrete footings that were set into his lawn. It was a bit of a struggle but we made it, got them out. I should have got a wallaby jack to act as an outrigger though, sure will next time. It's nice to be able to help someone out this time of year, nice any time of the year but this is the traditional time for it.

Casey

[FreeLily]

Woo-HOO, it's over! The trip went well (family is 500 miles away, a perfect distance), we'd agreed to keep the gift-giving to a minimum so I am not completely broke, and my mom cooked up some amazing chow. I even got to do some bonding with my SIL from the west coast, a humanist academic my parents have never really warmed up to. My brother picked himself a gorgeous and highly intelligent wife and I'm proud of him!

 

Our secret weapon was a liter of sweet tea vodka stashed in the suitcase, we spiked our iced tea from a flask as needed and stayed warm and mellow. Good stuff if you can get it.

 

Now I am safe at home, the kitties are all healthy if vocal in their displeasure, and our bizarre housemate seems not to have had a wild party or burned any food.

 

Damn, it's good to be home.

[Franko47]

It all went smoothly, but I'm always glad when it's over.

[Evolution_beyond]

I visited them the weekend before Christmas.

 

They're christians but they're not fundies - fairly conventional though. Moderate I suppose.

 

I went to a carol service with them - and then the morning service on the sunday. It was ok. I quite enjoyed the Christmas carols this year. I didn't mind the religion, I either interpreted it symbolically or just ignored it.

[Centauro]

One of the worst holidays I have spent with my wife, her mother and our grown kids.

 

Wife was aloof, distant and snippy towards me. I went to her church on christmas eve for a charismatic service. It was a weird service, birthday party atmosphere, balloons and cake and ice cream. Non traditional christmas songs, I had never heard of. A goofy nativity play that was actually the big part of the service...people with cardboard hats (3 wise men) interspersed with jazzy christmas songs. It was laughable.

My wife was even more pissed I went to the service. I did it so mother in law would not be stressed, as she has some anxiety issues. You can't win.

The stress has been overwhelming...For the past 10 days, every evening I have had a few vodka tonics to sedate myself, and I am not a big drinker at all. Today was better. This is insanity.

[Dagan]

Christmas was fun. The worst part was the gong show of a fake candlelight service (can't use real ones, fire regulations) at church Christmas Eve. I was stuck with squirmy, tired kids while mom sang on stage. The toddler kept bawling for mom every time he saw her so I had to wander the foyer with him for an hour. I will never allow myself to be put through that again.

 

Drinking rum and eggnog and watching A Christmas Story afterwards was fun though. And Christmas morning with the kids was fun. Christmas that afternoon at my parents' house was fun, we stayed overnight and the next day was fun too. But Sunday the inlaws arrived and I found out they are now staying longer than their original two days and won't go away until Thursday. Fuck. I'm at work now to get some peace and quiet.

[decafaholic]

I don't like Christmas anymore.

 

All the Christmas music and endless advertising, especially jewelry commercials, busy stores and Christians making a big deal about saying "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays". The Holidays are stressful for me. I worry if I've forgotten to buy someone a gift. I feel guilty about not putting enough thought into gifts. I miss my friends who live in other states/countries. I miss the middle east where Christmas is barely acknowledged. I miss people who have died.

 

I'm glad Christmas is over.

[dichotomy]

I'm new here (I've lurked a little over the past year but never got round to posting). Christmas is the reason that brought me back to this site. I wanted to see how others "cope" with Christmas.

 

My partner and I are ex-christians but all our family are still xians, a mix of fundies, conservative and liberal but xians all the same. My partner is happy to do the whole xmas thing with Santa and presents and family getting together, mostly for our children's sake but I've found the whole thing bizarre and uncomfortable. My family still talk to me as if I believe the same as them and kept asking if I was going to church on Christmas day despite the fact I haven't attended church for over two years and rarely talk about it or God or anything. I feel as though something is missing from Christmas now and part of me would prefer not to have any part in it, but the family just would *not* cope with that at all.

 

I *almost* took myself off to the christmas eve service because it felt like I wasn't doing Christmas right but I resisted and went for a midnight walk instead and took some photo's.

 

It's been an odd one for me this year.

[Guest ephymeris]

My christmas was great this year. Everything went smoothly. My mom finally came down off her psycho-fundy revival and there was no praying or requests for religious activities. Everything with the fam was pretty smooth. I bought presents for my family and in-laws but nothing too crazy. Despite any protesting on my part, both my family and inlaws spent ridiculous money and bought my husband and I too many presents. All I could do was smile and enjoy the gifts.

 

 

The only downer was that things with my brother have more or less become the jerry springer clusterfuck I knew they would be. It's a complicated thing to explain so I won't bore you guys with the story. It's out of my control anyway

 

Leaving home is always hard, my in laws and my own family both cried when we left which made me cry. I'm never going to be able to move home and I don't neccessarily want to, however, I'm still torn over the decision.

 

Many new decisions to make in the new year...