Anna Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Sinse I became an atheist I have seen a great improvement in my mental heath. Ive become happier and more skeptical. I got back my love to learn and my anxiety and depression went away. unfortunately I still have remnants of the feeling christianity left me with. It left me afraid to be human. Afraid that everything I do is somehow wrong. Tears well up in my eyes as I type this. The constant pressure to be more than human because I kept being told that something was wrong with me from the start of when I was born. I was told I needed god to fix me and now even though I have realised theres nothing wrong with me at all and im just a normal person it just sticks with me that im just not good enough. How can I let go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qec Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Sinse I became an atheist I have seen a great improvement in my mental heath. Ive become happier and more skeptical. I got back my love to learn and my anxiety and depression went away. unfortunately I still have remnants of the feeling christianity left me with. It left me afraid to be human. Afraid that everything I do is somehow wrong. Tears well up in my eyes as I type this. The constant pressure to be more than human because I kept being told that something was wrong with me from the start of when I was born. I was told I needed god to fix me and now even though I have realised theres nothing wrong with me at all and im just a normal person it just sticks with me that im just not good enough. How can I let go? Well the truth is that you only need to be good enough to one person, You. That won't magically grant you "peace" but it will bring quite a bit of grounding that some people lack. Realizing this and getting there is the tricky part. In my experience most people are evil (including myself) for the simple fact that most people fail to live up to their own moral codes with any high level of consistency. This is apparent to me because people so easily miss their own faults and failings when it comes to their own "morality", myself included. What helped me in this arena is realizing that we are not all intrinsically evil, but pragmatically we are all evil because at the end of the day we fail to uphold our own moral codes. Does this mean that you don't try to? No, of course you do. But by not only being honest that you are human and that you make mistakes, but coming to grips with the cruelty and evil in the world by realizing that this is (largely) a result of people failing to live up to their own respective moral codes (whatever they may be) you can find more peace inside of yourself. You may still feel almost as down and out as before, but a small yet significant gain will be made inside of you, inside of Anna. But don't take my word for it, analyze it yourself. If it's false, then reject it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OpheliaGinger Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Just take it day by day. The residuals of Christianity will eventually fade over time, allowing you to feel more human. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustAnotherGuy Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I know exactly how you feel. When I first deconverted, there was so much leftover guilt. All of my natural feelings and emotions were evil and immoral as a Christian. It was wrong to think about a woman naked. It was wrong to get angry at someone. When some jerk pulled out in front of me, I was supposed to bite my tongue. It was really screwed up. Deconverting is a process that will take some time and effort. One thing that has really helped me is reading these forums. Knowing that other people are on this journey with you, no matter how far along they are, is very empowering. Keep learning, keep reading, and keep testing everything. Live, Love, and learn. Christianity has no control over you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franklyorange Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Nobody is as bad or as good as they think they are. Take comfort in that. We live to grow as human beings. Give yourself time to grow as a human being. And you will. I find myself more compassionate at 51, than I was at 20, more understanding, etc. All things we aspire to be. Now that I don't have the perfection expectation hanging over my head, I can grow at the right speed for me. I can be more at peace with myself and....more honest with myself where I really am at. You will do the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 Christianity told me that from the start we are born with a defect that we need jesus to fix. Then there are many rules and constrictions and be sure they were all inforced on me. All the inbuilt human things I was told made me bad. You have to be some kind of (dare I say) God to follow them and even then it would be impossible with all the contridictions. Its not that I dont want to better myself, infact I think im a better person now but I cant shake this feeling like everything ive done or ever have done is wrong. I think it would be more helpful to take a knife to myself then to return to a religion that has left me feeling this way. Im glad im past all the irrationality. Now I just have to deal with my irrational emotions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freddy Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Anna, the ability to free your mind of such negativity and self loathing is one of the best things a person can do for themselves. Enjoy your life and be good to people. If everyone did those two things, along with realizing that they do not have an eternity of life before them, we would probably live in a much better world. Freddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 I got the same thing, but not from xianity. Xianity just made it worse, because with xianity, not only were my family offended at my being the person I was, so was the creator of the universe. I don't really know how to shake it either. Sometimes I do better than other times. A lot of times I just say "fuck it" and do what I want - because if people are going to find fault with you no matter what you do, you might as well do and be what you like. It's a very liberating thought, in a rather twisted way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
movingon Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 I still suffer with insane amounts of guilt, although it's partially religion and partly my parents who are so staunchly religious. I hope there is a way to break free from it too. Otherwise, know you're not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Christianity told me that from the start we are born with a defect that we need jesus to fix. This is one of the best reasons to leave xtainity. I found that it just left me no way to be comfortable with myself. No matter how hard I tried to be good, I was still supposed to accept that I was, by nature, flawed and evil. You need to accept the person you are by nature. The human race has been around for hundreds of thousands of years. How could we have survived so long if we're really so badly flawed? It takes time to work out the negative conditioning, so don't be too hard on yourself. Focus on places, activities, and people that make you feel good about who you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Anna, the ability to free your mind of such negativity and self loathing is one of the best things a person can do for themselves. Enjoy your life and be good to people. If everyone did those two things, along with realizing that they do not have an eternity of life before them, we would probably live in a much better world. Freddy This. Anna, yes you will make mistakes on your way (and whether you'd be christian or not doesn't change a thing). But do you have to be ashamed of them? Only if you didn't even try to prevent making them. And somehow I don't think that this fits you. So yeah, enjoy your life, try to be "good" but accept that no one's perfect, including you. Over time you'll be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Christianity calls normal "evil". So when you are just being normal, Christianity says you are demonstrating your "fallen nature", and so those of us that spent years in the faith have a conditioned response of trying to repent for being normal, when all along there was nothing wrong. As far as the religion is concerned, it keeps the followers convinced that they are broken and in need of a savior, and it sells lots of books and tapes hawking the latest trick for overcoming normality. For those of us who have come out, it takes time to retrain our reactions and rebuild our sense of self based on the new information we have. The phrase you will hear constantly from others here is that it takes time. That is true, and you will find ups and downs for quite some time, especially since you still have Christian parents. Like it or not, they do influence your world. You have already seen benefit to the new way of thinking that atheism has brought to you, but your emotions will typically be trained by your experiences more than facts. This is why it takes time to change the old emotional reactions. Please stick around and and don't be afraid to share your thoughts. You are welcome here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogilvy Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 I agree with you. My mental health has vastly improved since deconverting. Its amazing to be able to enjoy harmless innocent pursuits which I used to feel were wrong because were nothing to do with God. I think what's made it better, too, is that, as a Christian I looked forward to heaven, so this life on earth was the secondary priority. Now that I no longer believe in heaven, I'm making the most of this life, and appreciating every little thing more. Its still sometimes hard to believe that if I'm happy, there must be something I'm overlooking, something unpleasant I should be doing, but I'm actually getting used to the fact that I'm allowed to be happy and enjoy life. I'm very conscious of the fact that I only have one life, and that this life is short, so enjoy everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freddy Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Christianity calls normal "evil". So when you are just being normal, Christianity says you are demonstrating your "fallen nature", and so those of us that spent years in the faith have a conditioned response of trying to repent for being normal, when all along there was nothing wrong. Hell yeah to that! Being human is being normal. In Christianity you will only fight against what you really are. You will spend your life trying to meet an unattainable goal. This can't be good for one's mental health. Have a good life. Nobody NEEDS to have a god to do that. Freddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Googledotman Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 lol at Freddy's avatar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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