Time Of Prayer

[WillWSF]

I absolutely hate going back home to visit the family, and one of the main reasons is because in the last few years, occasionally my entire family, all twenty or more of us, will call for a time of prayer. When I hear those words, "Time of Prayer", I instantly go into a panic attack. I get this fight or flight syndrome and just want to hide under a rock. It's usually in the evenings, after dinner, and they make it all formal and uncomfortable.

 

Slowly everyone makes it into the living room, I'm looking overly nervous, and then they take time to ask for prayer requests. This usually lasts way too long, everyone seems to go into this weird cozy underworld, I can't quite explain it. Then finally Dad says 'I'll open up in prayer and Mom will close and if you feel the Lord leading you, just go ahead and pray". Dad starts and his prayer is about 10 minutes long, then Aunt Betsie, then my brother, sister-in-law, Uncle Ed, and the rest of the gang. Eventually everyone's prayed except me. I wouldn't pray if they gave me $1000, especially in that heightened state of anxiety. When I'm the only one left, there's a long silence, my shirt's bouncing off my chest, my hands are sweaty, and the silence continues. I don't dare open my eyes. Finally in a defeated tone, my mom starts up her prayer, it's just a horrible feeling. I have no idea what they think about me. I just wish I didn't have to visit them.. ever. It's really a sad life when you don't have a family that you're completely uncomfortable with.

 

Is anyone else subjected to this type of ritual? How do you deal with it?

[Franko47]

Hey, Will. Tell them that you would prefer to pray in private; it's just a personal thing for you and then excuse yourself. If you can't leave at that time, go for a short walk or something. Or go upstairs and read a magazine under the pretense that you are praying in private. You shouldn't have to be subjected to this kind of stress.

 

On the other hand, if you must sit with them, don't let it intimidate you. Make a study of it and realize that this is your family's way maybe of practicing a little togetherness. If they have issues with your involvement or whatever, you're just going to have to play the "privacy" card.

 

Having said all that, though, it sounds like there may be some deeper issues here that are giving you a bit of trouble.

 

Your personality and heart is what make you a good person, not a bunch of religious beliefs. Other people shouldn't have the right to make you feel bad over this.

[OnceConvinced]

Oh God, don't you hate people who pray for ages and drivel on and on? They think because they pray long prayers that they're somehow more super spiritual than everyone else. It's all a big facade to try to make themselves look Godly.

 

I'm not sure what you can do. You could make the claim that it's a religious ritual and that Christianity to you is a relationship with God, so you'd rather avoid the rituals.

[buffettphan]

I wouldn't join the group. I'd tell them I pray using the instructions in Matt 6:6-8.

 

^{6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.}

 

 

Then I'd go up to my room and have some fun alone time while they're mentally masturbating in the living room.

[Kurari]

As scary as this sounds, I think it's time you told them that these "Time of Prayer" things make you incredibly uncomfortable because your beliefs are incredibly personal and you're being put on the spot in front of others. Then say that you will no longer be participating, so don't expect you to come.

 

If they press the issue, repeat "I am not going to do this anymore. That is final." and act the broken record.

[tvaholic]

I agree with Kurari - it's time to tell them you aren't participating. Either that or when they get ready to have their "prayer time" I'd leave - even if it's a walk around the block several times.

 

To me this is different than the occasional prayer before a meal, etc. Those I endure when I'm in somebody else's home but I wouldn't be able to stomach the hour long thing.

 

When I was a kid we went to a church that did this weekly - we had to kneel on the floor the entire time. I absolutely hated it as a kid - maybe that's why there's no way I'd put up with it now as an adult. LOL!! I remember praying "please let this be the last person" during those prayer times as a kid - funny how THAT prayer was rarely answered as the prayers seemed to just go on and on and on. LOL!

[★ Citsonga ★]

I wouldn't join the group. I'd tell them I pray using the instructions in Matt 6:6-8.

 

^{6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.}

 

Yup, that's what I was going to point out.

[WillWSF]

Thanks everyone! It's nice to be able to rant and have others understand what I'm going through. After thinking about it, I'm pretty sure they're all praying for me that I'll be able to open up and get rid of any ego (from Satan) that might be holding me down so I can pray with ease in front of the family. LOL I highly doubt that prayer will ever be answered. It sure would be a big relief off my back if we didn't have these times of prayer. I'm gonna have to stand up for myself and not participate any more. It's getting ridiculous!

[Vixentrox]

I wouldn't join the group. I'd tell them I pray using the instructions in Matt 6:6-8.

 

^{6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.}

 

 

Then I'd go up to my room and have some fun alone time while they're mentally masturbating in the living room.

Christians hate that verse and most seem completely oblivious to its existence.

[★ Citsonga ★]

I wouldn't join the group. I'd tell them I pray using the instructions in Matt 6:6-8.

 

^{6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.}

 

 

Then I'd go up to my room and have some fun alone time while they're mentally masturbating in the living room.

 

Christians hate that verse and most seem completely oblivious to its existence.

 

Um, I was a christian for many years, and I never hated that verse. And, yes, I was aware of its existence, I had memorized the entire "Sermon on the Mount."

[dB-Paradox]

I wouldn't join the group. I'd tell them I pray using the instructions in Matt 6:6-8.

 

^{6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.}

 

 

Then I'd go up to my room and have some fun alone time while they're mentally masturbating in the living room.

Priceless! Mental masturbation! As far as your reference, it does prove the bible can be good for a few things. Knowing the bible can truly be liberating in more than one way!

[Loren]

Will, this looks to me like plain bullying.

 

Then finally Dad says 'I'll open up in prayer and Mom will close and if you feel the Lord leading you, just go ahead and pray".

In other words, if anyone doesn't pray, it's a clear sign that the Lord isn't leading them.

 

That's called, the set-up.

 

Eventually everyone's prayed except me.

Now that you've identified yourself as the only one in the group who isn't, "being led by the Lord," you are now the target.

 

When I'm the only one left, there's a long silence, my shirt's bouncing off my chest, my hands are sweaty, and the silence continues. I don't dare open my eyes.

The pressure rises. Obviously, it isn't simply that they see you as being at fault for not being as connected to "the Lord" as they are, but that they want to hammer that point home. This is also extremely passive/aggressive in that it's the kind of behavior designed to let them get their way with you, but it's constructed in such a way that if you were to confront them on it, they could claim ignorance, good intentions, love and so on and make it look like you are the bad guy for even suggesting such a thing.

 

Finally in a defeated tone, my mom starts up her prayer,

That's the strike.

 

It's just a horrible feeling.

That's the purpose. Mission accomplished.

 

I have no idea what they think about me.

I'm sure they love you and are genuinely concerned. However it seems pretty clear that what they think of you is that if you'd simply conform yourself to them, that everything would be just fine. To me, this whole thing seems vastly selfish: They're willing to coerce you into conforming, and it's seems equally clear that the real purpose underneath it all is that anyone who doesn't go along with the crowd is a threat that must be dealt with. They're not trying to get you to conform for your sake, they're trying to get you to conform for their sakes.

 

I just wish I didn't have to visit them.. ever. It's really a sad life when you don't have a family that you're completely uncomfortable with.

Truly, it is really sad. They have no idea what they're missing, or that they themselves have caused this rift. But they can't afford to take a close enough look at it to get themselves right because then they'd have to face their responsibilities. So much easier to put it on you and let you be in the position of being the one who has to do all the work and changing.

 

As I said, this is nothing other than bullying for selfish purposes.

[R. S. Martin]

I absolutely hate going back home to visit the family, and one of the main reasons is because in the last few years, occasionally my entire family, all twenty or more of us, will call for a time of prayer.

 

This timing makes me wonder whether the "Time of Prayer" was designed specifically to "bring you back" or "coerce you to conform." The reason for this question is my own family. I remember when I and my siblings were teenagers my younger brother was into things my parents didn't approve. (I don't know your age but this is where we were at.) I know parents can be creative in their efforts to "trick" their kids into doing what they want. Not that they are necessarily successful but that doesn't keep some parents from trying.

[BlueGiant]

You can point out that verse to them, but undoubtedly, there will be some serious mental and verbal contortion as to why what they're doing is in line with that verse, should you bring it up (well, at least a 60% probability of it given what you've said). While this may be entertaining, it may be just better overall to state that you're not participating in this anymore as suggested above. Seems to be the more mature approach overall.

[luvless]

Sorry but LOL I hated when people used to do that. Soooo uncomfortable. If you can't explain your way out of the prayer circle or what I like to call the "Who's the Better Pray-er" game, then just think about how many other people in that circle feel just as uncomfortable as you.