I Didn't Know

[methodex]

Hi everyone. I joined an atheist forum last year, but after a few day lurking here, I've decided the personality of this site is a better fit.

 

I've tried to write my antimony fully a couple times, but I don't have the attention span to make it all the way through. So I figure I'll just write a little here and there.

 

The crux of it is this: I grew up in a politically conservative home and UMC congregation. I never questioned anybody about anything, least of all religion. I was never abused or threatened with hell--it was just that I was too introverted, shy, and fearful to even consider challenging authority. I simply accepted what I was told to be the truth--not a belief or an opinion--but the truth. My elders, teachers, and pastors are more knowledgeable than me, aren't they? They've tested their beliefs and rationally concluded that their point of view corresponds with reality, haven't they? They wouldn't tell me something about matters as important as the existence of god and the means to achieving eternal life unless they were pretty damn sure, would they? To question another person is to call him/her stupid--that's what I thought. It didn't dawn on me until about three years ago, in my mid to late twenties, that other people might not know what they're talking about. It's like I was asleep.

 

I'll write a bit more later when I'm not stressed for time.

[Galien]

Wow. Even as a kid I always wondered how people knew what they knew, and never automatically assumed I could not learn it too. Being shy, intoverted and fearful is a shitty way to grow up. Pleased for you that you are finding your way out of the maze.

[Shyone]

I was the same way. I figured that adults knew what they were talking about. As an adult, I wondered about things, but really never seriously tried to "get to the bottom" of the matter. Instead, I went along but started slowly to try and learn this stuff. After all, if it was really as important as it was supposed to be, I should be serious about it, right?

 

But that was the killer. "TMI".

[Ouroboros]

It didn't dawn on me until about three years ago, in my mid to late twenties, that other people might not know what they're talking about. It's like I was asleep.

I know the feeling.

[methodex]

Yes it is a shitty way to grow up, EN. Especially the shy and fearful part. Fear controlled my life for a long time. With some counseling, I've learned to recognize and deal with it.

 

Continuing...

 

About three years ago, I had a little episode. Clinically, I think you'd call it a paranoid delusion. The worst of it only lasted a few minutes, and I was able to ground myself in reality again quickly enough. It scared me, though, and I set about to make sure it never happened again. I hadn't been to church in years, and somehow my brain made the connection between the episode and being separated from god. So I went back to attending church "religiously" every week. I made some other life changes, too. I had never had a date, let alone intimacy with a woman (fear definitely at work here), so I went about rectifying that pathetic situation. My self-confidence gradually grew as I "put myself out there". I mistakenly thought my renewed church attendance was part of the reason, so I kept going for more than a year.

 

About a year and a half ago, I was at dinner with a girl I'd been seeing for a while. She wasn't a xtian, and somehow we got to talking about religion. She flat out said to me, "You don't believe in god." It hit me like a ton of bricks, but I knew she was right. I guess I just needed to hear it said out loud by another person in order for me to accept it. I haven't been to church except for once since then.

 

At first, I didn't know why I didn't believe. It was an intuition. I had that intuition when I was younger too, but I dared not share it. Then I got to thinking how wonderful it would be if there was no god. I could forgive myself for living such a sheltered life--I wouldn't have to ask a deity for pardon. I could be kind to others because I want to be--not because I have to be. I could grow up to be a man--without god. God isn't necessary. That's where I'm at now. I've read some Hitchens and Dawkins, and they give powerful arguments for non-belief. I'm not a science person, though, but I'm glad to have the evolutionary and ontological arguments in my back pocket if need be.

[ShallowByThyGame]

I think that trust in authority began to crack for me when I discovered Santa's presents a week before xmas. But I do remember wondering as I doubted 'wouldn't they make sure about this stuff? shouldn't there be one religion by now? We spend so much energy on it!'

[HRDWarrior]

Religion really does play to those who don't want to have to question "authority" especially when those people seem to have our best interests at heart (and, I'm sure, believe they do). Although I was taught to think critically, I was taught NOT to apply that to religion, at least not in so much as to find answers anywhere outside the bible. So, I can sympathize a bit in that area. And they do teach is as the truth, and as the only truth, and do a great job of showing just how wrong everything else is (until you find out for yourself).

 

Thankfully, I was taught how to critically think, and once I got access to the other information out there, I was able to put two and two together relatively quickly. But growing up at least for me was pretty sheltered - we had no television (other than approved movies, but our tv wasn't even hooked up to an antennae), I was homeschooled, and we had very limited internet access - and that only in the family room. But I guess that was what was required since we were taught to think (my mom may be regretting that now), and the only way to keep us from coming to other conclusions was to make sure we never had access to other thoughts.

[JoeHoya]

The crux of it is this: I grew up in a politically conservative home and UMC congregation. I never questioned anybody about anything, least of all religion. I was never abused or threatened with hell--it was just that I was too introverted, shy, and fearful to even consider challenging authority.

 

I, too, grew up in the UMC big time - five-time Annual Conference delegate, almost went to Jurisdictional and General Conference a few years ago. It's a funny church with a little bit of everything, from ultra-liberals to fundies. I never had a problem with the church, per se - some of my dearest friends are still members. Like you, I realized that I didn't believe in God any more, if I ever had.