leftofpunk Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 So my GF and I aren't married yet (waiting til after grad school) and we have a soon to be 3 year old son. We live together. I'm atheist and the GF is well, not christian but you know how girls answer with "spiritual"? She's ex-christian and is just trying to figure junk out and really wants to believe there's something bigger out there, but knows there's no actual "god". Anyways we decided to raise Jason as just nothing. Not strongly raising atheist, but more like letting him make a choice when he gets older. We feel that too many people are a member of a particular faith because they were born into it. Likewise I don't want to be a hipocrite and "raise" him atheist cause that'd be like raising him christian. We want him to have the freest open choice. In any case Sarah's (GF) parents asked her the other day that if they found a church and started going again if we would mind if they took Jason. They don't know I'm an outright atheist and they know that Sarah is "lost". Though she actually leans more toward wiccan or some version of neo-neo-paganism. Something naturbased with a splash of reincarnation. I'm getting off-topic, sorry. It's not that I've avoided announcing that I'm atheist, it's just never been asked ya know? I respect their beliefs at family dinners and so on. Well Sarah told her mom that she'd have to talk to me about it and she's actually halfway open to the idea cause it'd give us a little quiet time on Sundays, but I just disagree with it 100% and offered to take Jason to the park or something for two hours if it'd help. It feels like it'll be a delicate situation in a month or two. Any advice? her parents aren't super fundy or anything, but they're deffinately christian and their only son died about 4 years ago or so, so they obviously hold on to the fact that he's in heaven or something. Just feels touchy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kryten Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 I would not subject my kid to brain-washing, especially if you don't want him believing what they are feeding him. Potential outcomes are that I) he buys into it and... 1) you have to undo the damage, or 2) let him pay the price of becoming a Christian. II) he disagrees with his teachers or classmates in Sunday school and is ridiculed or embarrassed. If you know the truth you should share it with your kids. In other words, if you know Christianity is false, then tell them and don't encourage them to believe it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 Can't you take him to the library or science museum, or some sort of alternate activity? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizard Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 At three, it mostly won't be an issue..but at 13 it certainly will. If he stays with it, it could cause not only damage to him, but to the relationship y'all have with him. If he became really "into" it, it would put him on one side of the "heaven/hell" issue and y'all on the other. I wouldn't advise it. If, at a later time, when he is old enough to make a rational choice (maybe around 40 or so? ) he decided to go, that wouldn't be so bad.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 I'd say when he's 18 he can do whatever he wants, but maybe that's just me. Legally, that's the age of adulthood in most states. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wanderer Posted September 16, 2005 Share Posted September 16, 2005 Leftofpunk, I can definitely relate. My stepmother sends my daughter's children's bible books, etc. all the time. My husband and I solved this and other problems like this with our families drastically....we moved. Far away. There is no possibility of the grandparents offering to take them to church now, and as far as gifts, that is easy enough to filter. I am not an atheist, but definitely an ex-christian. I can understand letting your children decide on their own. I explain as much as I can to my eldest child (my younger is only 2) and explain all of the viewpoints as objectively as possible. I would say I am lucky in not having this external factor, but it was my husbands and my decision to change the situation that helped. However, I understand that moving may not be an option. The main point is ...decide. Decide BEFORE you begin. You and your gf should sit down and have an honest, open heart-to-heart on what you feel and what you want. Then and only then can you decide on a united course of action. A few final words of advice: "At three it mostly won't be an issue, but at thirteen"..."If he stays with it..." (I am still a newbie here and don't know how to use quotes..very sorry!) from lizard. I agree and disagree. I agree whole heartedly with the logic as placed on the child. He will be able to think for himself if you teach him too. However, I would worry about setting a precedent with the mother-in-law. If you put off deciding what to do, let your child go to church with grandma and then decide differently, it will be a showdown for certain and almost impossible to change because of the precedent. Again, make a conscious decision on what you want for your child first. Also, from a been there, did that...be wary of letting your wife use you as a shield. My husband offered this to me, openly. He is a strong person and a loving spouse and took the brunt of the disapproval. I regret this. It made it more difficult down the road. My family and my husband do get along, but only because I painstakingly set the record straight. Some shielding may be ok, or even necessary, but I would use it sparingly or not at all. Just my 2 cents. Leave it on the door if you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wanderer Posted September 16, 2005 Share Posted September 16, 2005 Oopps...I didn't mean to say I dissagreed with lizard, but like lizard, with the line of thought!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whatifidontwantausername? Posted September 20, 2005 Share Posted September 20, 2005 IMHO you need to be desicive, talk to your girlfriend and decided what you want. If you don't want your son to go to church then say so, and let her give you her reasons. If there is conflict here then say to keep the status quo until it can be resolved. As Wanderer said, once you set a precedent it is hard to turn back and will only cause confusion and strife between you and your family. Just a few words of advice, take what you can where your son is concerned. I never had any bonding time with my father when I was growing up so now that I am an adult, I don't know my father and he doesn't know me. Set up some family time... Bah, what do I know about kids? -Jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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