Wife Wants To Go To Church

[Shyone]

My wife said that she would like to attend at least one service in the Basilica Church of St. Louis, a gaudy, enormous, imposing and Catholic church. She's Christian, but hasn't been to church in decades. I personally am a big fan of lavish architecture and we visited the church originally because I wanted to see it. Neither of us has ever been Catholic, although my Episcopalian upbringing and early exposure to Catholic Churches where I was raised give me a pretty good idea of what to expect.

 

I really don't mind attending, if only to view the pageantry, hear the music and see the rituals. I'm kind of curious about exactly how to act.

 

Specifically, should I recite the prayers? Should I do whatever my wife does? Should I sing along with the hymns? Should I bow my head when everyone else does, and kneel when everyone else does? We can't take communion (fortunately) because we're not Catholic.

 

I would be the "guest" there, and I think it would be rude and inappropriate to flaunt my disdain of religion, but how far should I go to avoid that?

[gypsy79]

I have been put in religious situations four or five times since I deconverted and always handled it by standing or sitting or kneeling respectfully (whatever everyone else was doing), but I did not close my eyes or bow my head during prayer unless the person leading the service specifically asked the congregation to do so. I never recited prayers. I did sing along, but only because I enjoy singing. If I didn't, I wouldn't sing along.

 

It's a personal decision how to handle it, but that's what I've done and nobody has noticed (or at least they haven't been offended) since I was respectful about it. Hope this helps.

[Shyone]

I have been put in religious situations four or five times since I deconverted and always handled it by standing or sitting or kneeling respectfully (whatever everyone else was doing), but I did not close my eyes or bow my head during prayer unless the person leading the service specifically asked the congregation to do so. I never recited prayers. I did sing along, but only because I enjoy singing. If I didn't, I wouldn't sing along.

 

It's a personal decision how to handle it, but that's what I've done and nobody has noticed (or at least they haven't been offended) since I was respectful about it. Hope this helps.

That does help. That's kind of how I imagined it. I think I could open the prayer book and silently "read along" without feeling I was being terribly hypocritical, and I do like singing.

 

Thanks.

[RankStranger]

I've been to a few catholic churches for weddings and funerals. At least around here, Protestants commonly show up for these sort of events, and they don't kneel or really take part in the rituals- they just stand around and be polite. I've never been to an actual catholic mass (or service or whatever), but I'm guessing that this sort of thing wouldn't be uncommon there either. So you if you go (and I personally wouldn't), then they might just assume you're a protestant.

[florduh]

Polite observer is the way to go. When they ask you to kill the chicken, just politely say no.

[par4dcourse]

I would go for a church servce /strip club exchange. Get a little something out of the deal.

[florduh]

Dammit Larry! That was my first thought, but I didn't want to be the pig who actually said it.

[Vigile]

Every marriage is different, but no way in hell would I go to church if my wife asked. I'll do a lot of things for her, but not that.

 

I do visit old historic churches on occasion, just not the services.

[RabbleRabble]

I've never been to a Catholic mass so I don't know what would be expected of a visitor, but I've always wanted to attend out of curiosity. I kind of like going to religious services as a nonbeliever now. I feel like I should be taking field notes and photographing the rituals.

 

Whenever I visit my family's CoC services I sit, stand, listen to the service, and sing (cause I like it). I don't bow my head or close my eyes, but the only people who would notice are the ones who aren't praying anyway. I also don't take communion anymore and ignore the money basket. I don't fill out the visitor cards asking for my phone number and address either.

[Phanta]

I have been put in religious situations four or five times since I deconverted and always handled it by standing or sitting or kneeling respectfully (whatever everyone else was doing), but I did not close my eyes or bow my head during prayer unless the person leading the service specifically asked the congregation to do so. I never recited prayers. I did sing along, but only because I enjoy singing. If I didn't, I wouldn't sing along.

 

It's a personal decision how to handle it, but that's what I've done and nobody has noticed (or at least they haven't been offended) since I was respectful about it. Hope this helps.

 

The above is pretty much me to a T, right down to the singing, for my only visit to a mass (recently, actually). It was fine with the church for non-Catholics to go up for a blessing from the priest while everyone else is taking communion. I did it for amusement/cultural interest (I don't believe in priest-magic), just the once. I did something to signal I was a blessing person and not a communion person...cross my arms over my chest, I think. As a former Protestant, the experience was a trip. I had to steel myself a couple times at certain remarks in the sermon (or whatever they call it) putting down non-traditional families, though. Ugh.

 

Good luck!

 

Phanta

[J.W.]

Go for it and enjoy it. It does not matter what you appreciate about it- as much as that you appreciate it. They won't know the difference. I would only participate in what I was comfortable doing though. Catholics put on a pretty good show. We got a Catholic church near by and I went into the chapel during off hours and there was several old pious ladies praying that almost made you feel the presence of a very real and solemn creator

[par4dcourse]

Dammit Larry! That was my first thought, but I didn't want to be the pig who actually said it.

 

All of us have a purpose. Oink, my friend, oink!.

 

P.S. I just stuck my head in because I think it's funny that even a doctor can be pussywhipped. No offense, Shyone.

[Shyone]

Dammit Larry! That was my first thought, but I didn't want to be the pig who actually said it.

 

All of us have a purpose. Oink, my friend, oink!.

 

P.S. I just stuck my head in because I think it's funny that even a doctor can be pussywhipped. No offense, Shyone.

I'm pretty whipped, that's true. But this church is really, really ostentatious.

 

[Ancey]

When I was recently forced to go to church, I only mouthed different words to give the appearance of reciting or singing. I was actually saying "watermelon, cheese and pickles, flying spaghetti monster, pirates" etc. Because I personally didn't want to say any of it. Only do what you're comfortable doing, and if you're worried about looks, fake it. I only went through some of the motions because my mom was watching, and I didn't want her to know yet that I don't believe this stuff.

[Dagan]

Go, have fun. The architecture, pageantry and ritual is a lot of fun to take in as a visitor. One of the coolest things I ever experienced was a mass in the ancient cathedral on top of Mont St. Michel in France. Just be a silent, polite observer and stand when they stand, sit when they sit, kneel when they kneel, follow along in the prayer books and just soak it all in like a sponge.

 

Think of yourself as an observer of a different culture.

[par4dcourse]

 

 

Wow!

 

It always occurs to me; how many people could be fed, how many helped for the money invested in that self-serving palace and the scores like it.

[BlueGiant]

That particular cathedral I'm familiar with. Mosaiacs on almost every ceiling surface (two domes are painted, but still), all Byzantine style and there are a bunch of other bits of structural coolness. Really, you're going to be spending a lot of time looking up (and down, etc.)

 

I'd say screw the service, the acoustics are lousy in there and you're going to be hard-pressed to understand what the Archbishop's saying. If I recall correctly, though they do tours of the place, and that I'd very much recommend. Gets into the symbolism of everything there. May be a better compromise and a better experience.

 

If you have to go to a mass, then go. The place is beautiful.

[lunaticheathen]

Go, have fun. The architecture, pageantry and ritual is a lot of fun to take in as a visitor. One of the coolest things I ever experienced was a mass in the ancient cathedral on top of Mont St. Michel in France. Just be a silent, polite observer and stand when they stand, sit when they sit, kneel when they kneel, follow along in the prayer books and just soak it all in like a sponge.

 

Think of yourself as an observer of a different culture.

 

Yep, that's basically what I did when I went to mass years and years ago. I was doing a school report on Mother Teresa, and I knew next to nothing about catholics, so I went as an observer. I tried to be inconspicuous, take it all in, think about it, all that. The only shit I got was after the service, when I happened to run into this real cunt from school, who wanted to know what in the hell I was doing in her church. But everyone one else was lovely.

In general, catholics I've been around are a hospitable bunch. So yes, enjoy the scenery and the show. Be polite. It should be painless.

[Guest Net Eng]

My wife said that she would like to attend at least one service in the Basilica Church of St. Louis, a gaudy, enormous, imposing and Catholic church. She's Christian, but hasn't been to church in decades.

 

 

If she hasn't been to church in decades then, what changed??? The old Christian Guilt^TM getting to her??

 

I go with florduh on this one, polite observer.

[Shyone]

My wife said that she would like to attend at least one service in the Basilica Church of St. Louis, a gaudy, enormous, imposing and Catholic church. She's Christian, but hasn't been to church in decades.

 

 

If she hasn't been to church in decades then, what changed??? The old Christian Guilt^TM getting to her??

 

I go with florduh on this one, polite observer.

Your guess is as good as any. She, too, likes the beauty of the building as much as anything else about this venture, but I suspect she has motives that even she isn't aware of (like getting me to renounce atheism and devote myself to Jesus - but then she would divorce me...).

 

Of all the churches she could have chosen, I'd say this is the best. She'll be freaked out by the ritual. She's Baptist - and I thank my lucky stars she didn't choose some Baptist church.

 

After this experience, though, if she still wants to explore churches I'm going to push for the UU church next.

[florduh]

After this experience, though, if she still wants to explore churches I'm going to push for the UU church next.

Your wife must be really hot. Just saying.

[Dagan]

My wife said that she would like to attend at least one service in the Basilica Church of St. Louis, a gaudy, enormous, imposing and Catholic church. She's Christian, but hasn't been to church in decades.

 

 

If she hasn't been to church in decades then, what changed??? The old Christian Guilt^TM getting to her??

 

I go with florduh on this one, polite observer.

Your guess is as good as any. She, too, likes the beauty of the building as much as anything else about this venture, but I suspect she has motives that even she isn't aware of (like getting me to renounce atheism and devote myself to Jesus - but then she would divorce me...).

 

Of all the churches she could have chosen, I'd say this is the best. She'll be freaked out by the ritual. She's Baptist - and I thank my lucky stars she didn't choose some Baptist church.

 

After this experience, though, if she still wants to explore churches I'm going to push for the UU church next.

 

Take her to a Sikh temple. The part where they put their scriptures in pajamas is great.

[ClaraOlive]

Try to go to the Latin mass if they offer one. It will be a cultural experience.

[FourDogBrewing]

Well the good news is you will have plenty to look at and enjoy in that church, just the picture you posted is amazing.

 

I personally would just do as someone else pointed out, be polite and quite during their prayers etc.... without participating. If I was in a mass such as this, when they all went to do the stand/kneel aerobics .... I would probably just sit there and observe. I don't immagine it would cause any issue. Of course there is no harm is going along for the ride either. If you act like you are taking it too seriously though, your wife might think you are being "touched" or that the holy spirit has gotten into you. lol

 

As for going to other churches .... a UU would be a good one. If she wants to explore other churches beyond that, perhaps your wife has friend with similar beliefs she can explore them with?

[Shyone]

 

As for going to other churches .... a UU would be a good one. If she wants to explore other churches beyond that, perhaps your wife has friend with similar beliefs she can explore them with?

The catholic church sucked and we both hated it. The acoustics were horrible and we couldn't understand any of the words, and my wife didn't follow the program well at all.

 

WE did to go a UU, and we both liked it. She heard religious stuff, I heard secular stuff, but there was only one person talking! Perfect!