Non-Christian Dating

[foolish girl]

I find that without the patina of "biblical morals" wrapped around the person, you just find the ugly parts of the person faster than if you were gazing at them through stained-glass specs.

Yes, you will go through more jerks, but it's better than marrying ONE jerk and being stuck with him/her. I'd rather know someone I'm dating is a loser in a week rather than after years of hiding behind dogma.

 

That is astute.

[deepblue]

I have very little interest in dating, and certainly not in getting married. Marriage is just too risky these days. Most western women are entitlement-princesses who'll keep blaming men if anything goes wrong. Why be with a woman who doesn't respect men, just to get some pussy? Ridiculous. Plus, you'll get very little (if any) time for yourself, your wallet will be a lot leaner and if she initiates a divorce you'll probably be in deep shit. It's just not worth it. Many married men are now jealous of people like me.

[R. S. Martin]

I have very little interest in dating, and certainly not in getting married. Marriage is just too risky these days. Most western women are entitlement-princesses who'll keep blaming men if anything goes wrong. Why be with a woman who doesn't respect men, just to get some pussy? Ridiculous. Plus, you'll get very little (if any) time for yourself, your wallet will be a lot leaner and if she initiates a divorce you'll probably be in deep shit. It's just not worth it. Many married men are now jealous of people like me.

 

What an attitude! No wonder some women are anti-men. I can't see a decent woman wanting to go out with you and the other kind are possibly the parasites you describe.

 

Respect is earned, my friend.

[R. S. Martin]

To the OP,

 

I don't have much advice. I've been "out" quite a while and I've had a number of opportunities. Unfortunately, I was too dull to realize what it was the men wanted in most cases because I was so totally sure that no one in his right mind would be attracted to an overweight woman like me.

 

I had a few internet interests but the interests were not mutual. All the same, this allowed me to explore my feelings and interests in relative "safety."

 

A book I would recommend is 16 Ways to Love Your Lover, by Otto Kroeger and Janet M. Thuesen. It's based on the Myers-Briggs Personality Type (MBTI) theory. I haven't read that particular book, but I read their book Type Talk: The 16 Personality Types That Determine How We Live, Love, and Work, and found it very helpful in understanding myself and others in my life.

 

Another famous and reputable MBTI website is keirsey.com with its Temperament Sorter based on David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates' book that I read, Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types.

 

I was introduced to MBTI in the mid-nineties before my university days and before the internet was common in this area. I read all the books I could buy on the topic at the time and attended local interest meetings and international conferences because it helped me make sense of the tumultuous world of humans.

 

More than fifteen years later, the MBTI continues to provide the template for my basic understanding of human interaction, in addition to many other factors of human nature not least of which is a person's level and expression of self-esteem or self-image.

 

Having a firm and thorough understanding of oneself and how "I" fit into the larger picture is of utmost importance, in my experience. I think this reflects what others have said.

 

Okay, this post evolved into a lot more than I had anticipated so perhaps my "I don't have much advice" statement isn't exactly accurate....

[VacuumFlux]

Hm, I think I'd sum up my advice in two points:

 

1. Communication is vital.

2. Don't get too emotionally involved until you've done enough of number one.

 

I personally am fairly slow with relationships. I think the fastest I've ever gotten involved with someone was 6 months from the time I first met them 'till anything happened. I need that long to get a good sense of the person, how they are as a friend, and whether or not the things I value in the friendship are the same things I'd value in a romantic partner. Make sure you hang out with the person alone and with groups of other people; I am often surprised and how much people change based on circumstances.

 

Now, I don't see any issues with flirting with someone you haven't known that long, but no matter how attractive they are and how well you mesh at the first meeting, you're going to have surprises later. Also, I never want to become attached to someone before I have an idea of what their negative points are. Seems like I'd just be setting myself up for failure, if I let myself fall in love with the person I wish they were, not the person they really are.

 

Other people have mentioned getting to know yourself and know what you want out of a relationship. That's important. I figured that out through trial and error (lots of error), but I think what helped me the most (and did minimal emotional damage) was to talk about my sexuality, my wants in a romantic partner, other people's relationships, etc, with some close friends (who you don't intent to get involved with, and who are not interested in you that way). Particularly friends who are different from me. I've had a lot of "you want what?!" conversations that really helped me to understand what sort of variety exists in human sexuality and relationships. Knowing how people are different from me helped me get a better idea of what the right questions are to ask when you're getting to know someone you might be interested in.

 

It doesn't sound like this is a problem for you, but because it's a pet peeve of mine: don't generalize genders! I'm not a gender-typical female, yet I still get guys asking me for advice on what other women, as women, want. I usually give them blank stares and tell them that I'm not a representative sample, and if you're interested in "a woman" and not "this particular human being", you're doing it wrong.

[OnceConvinced]

Well let's see. My wife was a Christian... and a slut. Since then I've been with agnostics and atheists. They were always fiercely loyal. I know which I prefer now!