regencybrougham Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 I've been lurking here for quite a while. Sorry, this will be very short (that's why I tend to lurk). I was raised Methodist and went to church every Sunday. As you probably know, Methodists are a pretty easy going denomination so that's how I treated Christianity. Sometime in college I decided I needed to understand more about Jesus and my religion (I was hanging out with friends from the Baptist Student Union) so I started talking with my dad about it. Eventually, I found that I could no longer believe. I remember the moment that it became solidly fixed in my mind. I was riding around in my car one night, away from civilization, and it just struck me that I no longer believed that Jesus died for my sins, that I was a sinner, or that I was headed for Heaven or Hell. Luckily I was away from traffic because all I could do was grab the steering wheel with one hand and the side of my seat with the other and step on the brake. It was like I was paralyzed for a moment as I tried to grasp what had been in the back of my mind but was now staring me in the face. I was afraid that I had had a stroke or something, I had never experienced anything like it before. My body and mind sort of came to a screeching halt and it was almost like my brain was reprogramming itself. When I recovered I couldn't believe that I no longer believed. I had doubts but I was not expecting what happened. So, here I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 Welcome, regencybrougham. I'm sure that a huge number of True Believers would be astonished at how many of us exes did not "choose" not to believe, but rather came to a place where we couldn't believe anymore, no matter whether we wanted to or not. A great many of the members of this site wanted to deepen their understanding of scriptures, so they started to study more deeply. And that, of course, led to their loss of faith, rather than a deepening of faith. I'd also like to say that I appreciate both the fact that you spent a good deal of time reading here before posting, and that you did finally post your introduction. Welcome. Loren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 Welcome Regencybrougham. I second Lorens statement, to many of us, loosing faith was not a decision or conscious act, but a sudden experience and an undeliberate epiphany. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 Hello, Regencybrougham. Ditto to what Loren and HanSolo said. I, too, walked away from faith in Christ due to studying Christianity. I was trying to deepen my faith, but instead found there was nothing to "deepen". I never even read any atheist literature until AFTER my deconversion. It was the bible and Christian doctrine that did it for me. Anyway, welcome to the forum! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regencybrougham Posted September 24, 2005 Author Share Posted September 24, 2005 I was trying to deepen my faith, but instead found there was nothing to "deepen". I never even read any atheist literature until AFTER my deconversion. It was the bible and Christian doctrine that did it for me. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Yes, I was afraid to look at any atheist literature before I deconverted. I had discovered iidb but would quickly become fearful that I would somehow be led astray by reading on that site. Plus I thought the posters were hateful. Funny how tings change... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bob Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 ...all I could do was grab the steering wheel with one hand and the side of my seat with the other and step on the brake. It was like I was paralyzed for a moment as I tried to grasp what had been in the back of my mind but was now staring me in the face. I was afraid that I had had a stroke or something, I had never experienced anything like it before. My body and mind sort of came to a screeching halt and it was almost like my brain was reprogramming itself. When I recovered I couldn't believe that I no longer believed. I had doubts but I was not expecting what happened.Welcome...home? My experience, 5 years ago, was similar, but took place in front of my computer. I was reading at an atheist website, (which I didn't know existed until that moment), and sat amazed, speechless, enthralled, and finally, liberated, overjoyed, and ecstatic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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