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Well, Here I Am Again


peejay
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It took a full two years to really work through deconversion and the stages of grief. In a way I feel like a douche for going back to the rancid version of Christianity in an attempt to "unknow" what is now known. On the other hand, I'm glad I went through it because it just solidifies the fact that it's all bullshit.

 

In a strange twist of fate, I decided to keep going to church The church I go to is super laid back. We have Dexter watching parties, and instead of church, it's not uncommon for us to have a talent show where you see people dance to Michael Jackson songs and build robots and stuff...it's almost not like church, but when it is, I just play Angry Birds on my phone and get ideas for blog posts based on what I heard in the sermon that day. Yeah, we're kind of a silly lot, but I actually like my friends there. They aren't assholes like at other churches I've been to. For now anyway.

 

I changed my religious preference on Facebook to say Pastafarian. It was anticlimactic as no one has mentioned it at all. Anyway, it was really nice to look up at the night sky a few weeks ago and exhale and to finally accept that there's no god.

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Welcome back!

It took a full two years to really work through deconversion and the stages of grief. In a way I feel like a douche for going back to the rancid version of Christianity in an attempt to "unknow" what is now known. On the other hand, I'm glad I went through it because it just solidifies the fact that it's all bullshit.

 

Sometimes we just need to go through what we need to go through. For many of us, it was simply a lot of study and thinking. Or something else. But whatever it happens to be for the individual, the more solid the deconversion, the more of an investment was made into getting to the bottom of things. Don't feel bad about going back: For those of us who came out by studying, we were actually doing the same basic thing as you. We were not trying to find reasons why it didn't work, we were trying to make it work. But it had an opposite effect and we came to see that it can't work. So don't feel bad about going back. Whatever our individual stories may be, the underlying principle of originally having wanted to make it work and being willing to invest ourselves in whatever that meant seems to be what most of us here share.

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It took several years for me to convince myself to leave it all for good. I kept thinking maybe I wasn't seeing things correctly and it helped on this board and others to have some feed back. Religion is a narcotic that replaces thinking and other mental skills with a mindless lull and apathy. Keep your wits and you will be well.

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Welcome back, my own experience took place over a number of years as well before I finally was happy and comfortable with entirely changing my way of seeing the world and universe around me.

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Sounds like you made a valiant attempt to "unknow the known". I am glad you found a place where you are comfortable now within yourself. Really, having learned about the Bible, religion, psychology/biology of us human beings, I could never go back. I could almost see myself as a deist but in the end I have come to realize I believe there is no god. The evidence just isn't there for god. But I feel content.

 

Best wishes on your future without Evil Biblegod.

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