cobrakai Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I know this is going to sound weird but I really wish there was some sort of ex-christian dating site. I find that it has been a hard transition from how I dated when I was a Christian compared to now. Honestly, and maybe some of you can relate, but it seemed almost easier to date as a Christian. You pretty much had set places you were going to meet somebody (Church, Church groups and activities, or christian dating sites). Even though I'm not a Christian any longer, clubs and bars are still not really my scene. When I first deconverted I used to think, "wow this will be even easier meeting fellow freethinkers" because as a Christian you are taught how awful "the world" is and they make it seem that Christians are the minority. When you finally deconvert is when you finally realize how many "christians" walk the streets. It is so frustrating because there have also been many people I meet who don't profess to be anything but yet they don't really understand my story. They can't relate to deconverting. In fact many still get offended that I am so passionately against the faith even though they don't believe in shit. They don't think at all. They say I am "intolerant". I don't know it is a tricky situation in my eyes. The other frustrating part is that people think just because you aren't a christian anymore that you just want to fuck anything that moves. They don't see that I am actually looking for a real relationship. Just because you don't believe in gawd doesn't mean you don't have standards or don't want to find love. It'd just be awesome to meet somebody that has a similar back story, that can really relate to everything. I don't know maybe I am over analyzing it. I'd like to hear your experiences and advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ro-bear Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 All my dating was ex-Christian dating; I cast it off at twelve or thirteen. Religion never came up on any of my dates. I don't remember my wife and I discussing it before moving in together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I typed "atheist dating site" into Google and got a lot of results. Maybe you can find something near you if you really look. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chosendarkness Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I totally agree, when you leave Christianity all of a sudden it feels like there's no-one and it's hard to find people who relate. I had to realize that and weigh whether it was worth it or not to change my beliefs. I decided it was. There are atheist / freethinking groups on meetup.com. That's all I've seen but I haven't looked too hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VacuumFlux Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Would I be right in separating your issues into "how to meet people" and then "how to develop an open, loving relationship"? For me, I have tons of hobbies and met people in classes at college and student organizations. It's a little harder now that I'm no longer a student, but there's still plenty of hobby-centric groups for adults. That gives you a way to meet people that you have something in common with, and a conversation starter that's not about religion or sex. So once you have a pool of people that you have something in common with, then you have to start picking out which ones you are interested in, and try to get to know them better to see if you are truly interested in them as more than friends. For me, this step is easy, and I tend to stay here and collect friends and not do much about dating. If nothing else, you at least get some people to hang out with. So I've lately, finally, told the girl I've had a crush on for a few years that I like her, and asked her if she'd go on a date with me. That part went well enough. I made sure to bring up the religion issues soon, because if we do decide to be dating (instead of just going on dates), we can't mention it on facebook. She uses facebook a lot. I have FB friends that are religious family members, and church members (ugh) that I'm not out to. So I felt like I had to warn her about that pretty early. We've talked about the religion thing some, and she was raised non-religious (her parents were more upset by her brief stint as a christian than her coming out as bi) and doesn't really get it. She feels bad for me having conflict with my family, which is nice, but I'm kinda nervous about how many issues are going to come up later just because we have such different backgrounds. By way of encouragement, I suppose I want to say that I have found someone who is ok with my current beliefs and tries to be supportive, even though she doesn't get it. Maybe focusing on the inter-personal issues instead of belief systems helps, because then it's just me being open about my life and not me attacking anyone? I've also found that a lot of liberal christians dislike and mock the fundies, so if you frame the conversation as "I've had bad experiences with fundies", they're less likely to take it personally or get defensive. From there you can gradually move on to more meaningful conversations about why you reject even the liberal forms of christianity, but you've broached the subject already in a non-threatening context. And as always, communication is important. Some issues are deal breakers in relationships, other are a matter of misunderstanding or inaccurate assumptions. If someone you like gets upset because your not a christian and makes all sorts of assumptions about you, see if they're willing to listen to you explain. It may take a few tries to get the point across, but at least they're listening. And be willing to do the same for them, figure out why they feel the way they do. Maybe they've only met the sweet old lady type of christian and think you're insulting their grandma. Remember that most people haven't bothered to check out the arguments for and against christianity, so the points you're heard a million times already are completely new to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knetti Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 My ex was Christian and I wasn't (wasn't atheist yet either). When we got serious we discussed how that would work with kids and I said it'd be their choice; whatever makes them happy. I think he would have used more restraint. The thing was, he was a total hypocrite. Saying that in a few months he'd start going to church again and being a better Christian. It was total crap since he had no problem with sex before marriage, swearing, and drinking. I've yet to find someone I can really connect with but have a hard time meeting people anyway. Maybe I'll check out some of those atheist dating sites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 For me ex-Christian dating was the same as when I was a Christian. My wife still won't let me have a girl friend! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 For me ex-Christian dating was the same as when I was a Christian. My wife still won't let me have a girl friend! LOL! Same here. I still don't want a boyfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pk62281 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Have you ever thought about an online dating site? You can filter people based on religion. OKCupid seems to have a lot of freethinkers on there. You can answer a bunch of questions about politics, religion, ethics etc. and you see how well you match up with people. It's interesting, I match the lowest with Christian conservatives, but match highest with bisexual hipsters. Who knew.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulofSilver Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 OKCupid seems to have a lot of freethinkers on there It's a little embarrassing to admit, but once I sorted through the pervs I talked to lovely freethinking guys and even have a date set up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randi Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I met my boyfriend on OKCupid! It was seriously the best website. Way better than any pay site, and I still found my nerd king. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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