How To Deal W/ Jehovah's Witness Family

[Free2Bme]

My mother, grandmother and stepfather are all in jehovahs witness (close to 15 years now) and never hesitate to throw their religion into almost every conversation. I haven't told them about my deconversion as I feel it is none of their business. We (me, husband, kids) are not around them very much, but when we are it is usually for most of a day or whole weekend. It can get so annoying to try to politely stay in a conversation with them and not start screaming that everything they believe is just bullshit! They just have to tell us how "perfect and smart" the kids in their congregation are, which they do every time I talk about any problem I'm having with one of my daughters. They are so wrapped up in their belief that they are "the true witnesses of jehovah" and they have to do everything they can to save everyone, even if they risk losing a relationship with that person. They figure if the other person stops being around them, it's not their fault because they were doing what is spiritually expected of them. I am actually surprised they still want to be around me and my family since we never, ever give a hint that we would convert to jehovahs witnesses. I think it's actually more to do with my daughters, I guess they hope that the more they talk about their beliefs in front of my girls, they might get my girls "in the fold" one day.

 

If any of you have ever really been around a jehovahs witness, you know how arrogant and annoying they can be about their religion. I would even say they can be worse than the most adamant fundie!

 

Since it wouldn't really bother me too much to not have a relationship with my mother and stepfather (not the greatest relationship history), I would hate to lose my grandmother (she lives with them), and especially for my kids to lose a grandmother and great-grandmother. I'm not really sure what to do, 1) tell them and see what happens or 2) just deal with their crappy conversations (but OH MY PURPLE FLYING UNICORN! I want to puke when they talk though!).

 

Anyway, I think I'm done venting a little for now . Just wondering if anyone has family or friends/former friends in that cult and how you dealt with them.

 

Alisa

[R. S. Martin]

Hey, it's good to hear what it's like being part of a JW family. Most of us just know what it's like having them knock on our doors. I personally have enjoyed asking them questions about the faith that nobody has yet answered satisfactorily, and thus getting them into a bind. But since I'm atheist that doesn't work so well because they write me off as an unbeliever. I'm sure somebody on here has JW family and I trust they will find and respond to your post.

 

As an aside, and I don't know if this is helpful, I've had JWs for neighbours and also worked for them and taken rides with them. I experienced them as ordinary people. So I wonder if perhaps some of the problem in your case is personality rather than just religion. As stated, hopefully someone with experience in a JW family will respond.

[Free2Bme]

Hey, it's good to hear what it's like being part of a JW family. Most of us just know what it's like having them knock on our doors. I personally have enjoyed asking them questions about the faith that nobody has yet answered satisfactorily, and thus getting them into a bind. But since I'm atheist that doesn't work so well because they write me off as an unbeliever. I'm sure somebody on here has JW family and I trust they will find and respond to your post.

 

As an aside, and I don't know if this is helpful, I've had JWs for neighbours and also worked for them and taken rides with them. I experienced them as ordinary people. So I wonder if perhaps some of the problem in your case is personality rather than just religion. As stated, hopefully someone with experience in a JW family will respond.

 

 

Thanks for the reply.

Maybe it is just their personality, IDK. Before they got into JW, they were pretty outspoken also. But now it seems that they only want to talk about being JW and how that's the most important thing to be. You're doomed and pitiful if your not a JW. They give the impression that they really believe they are above everyone else because they are "chosen", and they feels sorry for anyone who isn't. They just "love" everyone, never raise their voices anymore, never argue over things that normal people would be railing about, and just take what life gives them and don't try to do better for themselves. They are "suffering for jehovah" and see this as a good thing! UGH!!! Gag me, please!

 

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think that getting loud and angry all the time is a good thing. I keep my calm in most every situation (showing respect gets you respect in return), but you have to stand up for yourself (or loved one) when the situation calls for it. Standing idly by gets you stepped on!

[MrsRobinson]

Once they came to my friends house while I was visiting and my friend told them we dont believe, they got on thier knees on the porch stairs and started praying for us. Then when I was a Christian, Id let them come over and do bible study because I was desperate for company when my husband left, then they kept asking if we would go to a meeting. I went to the meeting and I felt like I was around robots. Luckily my kid was being disruptive so I got to skip most of the service. To tell you the truth I didnt know how to get rid of them. We ended up moving and they couldnt come by anymore. They are very very pushy even if one doesnt say yes. But I have to say they were all extremely polite. I wonder if theyre always like that.

[R. S. Martin]

They are very very pushy even if one doesnt say yes. But I have to say they were all extremely polite. I wonder if theyre always like that.

 

Very pushy and extremely polite. Hmmm. I don't equate "pushy" with "polite." Maybe it's a difference in culture?

[CelticWhisper]

Probably phraseologically polite (please, thank you, yes ma'am, no sir, etc.) but with all the behavioural etiquette of a rabid marmoset.

[piper]

Interesting. Pretty much all the xtians that I grew up around would classify JW as a cult, and one that would burn in hell! I actually think they make more sense than the normal fundys that I have surrounding me, especially since(I think) they do not believe in an eternal hell, and also don't try to wrap their brain around the ridiculous notion of the trinity.

[Margee]

I have had a Jehovah witness in my clientèle for 10 years. When I see her name down in the books - I want to 'throw up!

 

We have had so many arguments while I was cutting her hair - she brought out the worst in me. Normally, I have the ability to let all the different opinions 'slide' and not be confrontational. But, not with her...........

 

She was impossible and continued to tell me that I really didn't believe in Jehovah - the true god. I had had enough of her.

 

I just made up an excuse before x-mas and told her that I was only keeping a few clients now - that I was semi-retiring and would only be doing close friends and relatives. She will not be coming back! I wouldn't let her book an appointment.

 

YA-HOO

[R. S. Martin]

I have had a Jehovah witness in my clientèle for 10 years. When I see her name down in the books for a haircut - I want to 'throw up!

 

We have had so many arguments while I was cutting her hair - she brought out the worst in me. Normally, I have the ability to let all the different opinions 'slide' and not be confrontational. But, not with her..........................

 

She was impossible and continued to tell me that I really didn't believe in Jehovah - the true god.

 

Jehovah isn't even a word. It's a made-up word by some evangelicals who didn't correctly understand what they were doing with the languages. I don't fully understand the details of what was going on but my prof explained it in seminary. Someone here might know more about it.

 

I suppose the JWs then stole the word for their own official name.

 

Just thought you might be interested.

[R. S. Martin]

PS Good riddance of that horrible customer.

[Pandora Moon]

My mother, grandmother and stepfather are all in jehovahs witness (close to 15 years now) and never hesitate to throw their religion into almost every conversation. I haven't told them about my deconversion as I feel it is none of their business. We (me, husband, kids) are not around them very much, but when we are it is usually for most of a day or whole weekend. It can get so annoying to try to politely stay in a conversation with them and not start screaming that everything they believe is just bullshit! They just have to tell us how "perfect and smart" the kids in their congregation are, which they do every time I talk about any problem I'm having with one of my daughters. They are so wrapped up in their belief that they are "the true witnesses of jehovah" and they have to do everything they can to save everyone, even if they risk losing a relationship with that person. They figure if the other person stops being around them, it's not their fault because they were doing what is spiritually expected of them. I am actually surprised they still want to be around me and my family since we never, ever give a hint that we would convert to jehovahs witnesses. I think it's actually more to do with my daughters, I guess they hope that the more they talk about their beliefs in front of my girls, they might get my girls "in the fold" one day.

 

If any of you have ever really been around a jehovahs witness, you know how arrogant and annoying they can be about their religion. I would even say they can be worse than the most adamant fundie!

 

Since it wouldn't really bother me too much to not have a relationship with my mother and stepfather (not the greatest relationship history), I would hate to lose my grandmother (she lives with them), and especially for my kids to lose a grandmother and great-grandmother. I'm not really sure what to do, 1) tell them and see what happens or 2) just deal with their crappy conversations (but OH MY PURPLE FLYING UNICORN! I want to puke when they talk though!).

 

Anyway, I think I'm done venting a little for now . Just wondering if anyone has family or friends/former friends in that cult and how you dealt with them.

 

Alisa

 

Hi Alisa I afraid I don't have any family or friends who are Jehovah's Witnesses but I did go to meetings as a teen so I am aware of how arrogant and annoying they can be at times. I remember one time when a JW told me that if I went to go to this do at a sports club then I might stumble other people. To put this in context I was round about 15 at the time and I was going with my mum and dad. I did ignore what she said and went anyway but needless to say my parents were not to pleased when they heard about it. I suspect this had to do with their bad association rules.

 

When I did leave they come to my house to visit but I felt as though they weren't concerned about me and where more concerned about keeping the numbers up.

 

I hope your family isn't trying to scare your daughters by telling them that they will destroyed at Armageddon by Jehovah if they aren't JWs.

 

I hope things improve with your family.

[Free2Bme]

Hi Alisa I afraid I don't have any family or friends who are Jehovah's Witnesses but I did go to meetings as a teen so I am aware of how arrogant and annoying they can be at times. I remember one time when a JW told me that if I went to go to this do at a sports club then I might stumble other people. To put this in context I was round about 15 at the time and I was going with my mum and dad. I did ignore what she said and went anyway but needless to say my parents were not to pleased when they heard about it. I suspect this had to do with their bad association rules.

 

When I did leave they come to my house to visit but I felt as though they weren't concerned about me and where more concerned about keeping the numbers up.

 

I hope your family isn't trying to scare your daughters by telling them that they will destroyed at Armageddon by Jehovah if they aren't JWs.

 

I hope things improve with your family.

 

 

Hey, thanks. It's great to hear from someone who's dealt with this also. It's really hard to get past the total brainwashing that JW's go through. They can't see anything past what they are taught.

 

BUT...... I finally did it! I told them exactly how I feel about religion! And IT FELT GREAT!!!! Here's what happened:

They decided to just "drop in" one day without any forwarning, and of course after talking for a little bit, they had to lead the conversation into JW beliefs! Actually they kept making comments about me at least letting my daughters go to kingdom hall with them just "to let them see how the other children act (how polite, how quiet, how respectful, blah, blah, blah!)". I kept steering the conversation away and they kept bringing it back up! After about the fourth time they did this, I finally said "Well, I really don't want my kids going because I don't believe in ANY religion anymore and I'm not going to let my kids be brainwashed with any of it either!" (OH MAN, it felt so good to say that to their faces!) Of course that lead into another two hour conversation where they kept trying to make me understand "the truth", and kept telling them why it's all Bullshit! I even used the Flying Spaghetti Monster concept, . That actually stumped my step-dad for about 30 seconds! But now they know where I stand and (hopefully) got the hint that I DO NOT want to hear anymore religious shit.

 

Now, please understand that I do love my mom, even though we've never had a close relationship. Her being in JW has just put more of a rift between us. I didn't intend to come off as disrespectful to either of them, but I would be lying if I said that I felt bad about badgering them a little about their beliefs after all the hours and hours of them spewing their crap at me.

[JasperST4]

I fell in with the JWs before I got into mainstream Christianity and attended their church for four months. They are works oriented and any discussion that you have with them only serves to enable them. A two hour conversation with them will only accomplish two hours of them serving Jehovah. Period.

[Egaugnal]

My mother, grandmother and stepfather are all in jehovahs witness (close to 15 years now) and never hesitate to throw their religion into almost every conversation. I haven't told them about my deconversion as I feel it is none of their business. We (me, husband, kids) are not around them very much, but when we are it is usually for most of a day or whole weekend. It can get so annoying to try to politely stay in a conversation with them and not start screaming that everything they believe is just bullshit! They just have to tell us how "perfect and smart" the kids in their congregation are, which they do every time I talk about any problem I'm having with one of my daughters. They are so wrapped up in their belief that they are "the true witnesses of jehovah" and they have to do everything they can to save everyone, even if they risk losing a relationship with that person. They figure if the other person stops being around them, it's not their fault because they were doing what is spiritually expected of them. I am actually surprised they still want to be around me and my family since we never, ever give a hint that we would convert to jehovahs witnesses. I think it's actually more to do with my daughters, I guess they hope that the more they talk about their beliefs in front of my girls, they might get my girls "in the fold" one day.

 

If any of you have ever really been around a jehovahs witness, you know how arrogant and annoying they can be about their religion. I would even say they can be worse than the most adamant fundie!

 

Since it wouldn't really bother me too much to not have a relationship with my mother and stepfather (not the greatest relationship history), I would hate to lose my grandmother (she lives with them), and especially for my kids to lose a grandmother and great-grandmother. I'm not really sure what to do, 1) tell them and see what happens or 2) just deal with their crappy conversations (but OH MY PURPLE FLYING UNICORN! I want to puke when they talk though!).

 

Anyway, I think I'm done venting a little for now . Just wondering if anyone has family or friends/former friends in that cult and how you dealt with them.

 

Alisa

 

 

I belonged to a JW Family for 4 years and my stepmother and her family still are. Its a stable relationship religion just isn't brought up anymore in the family when Im around and everybody is kind and respectful.

[florduh]

How about, "If you'll stop pushing your religious opinions we'll be fine." People treat you the way you train them to. If they do not stop spouting their foolishness (which could be harmful to children) just cut ties. You can't make things perfect but you can solve problems. Sometimes there's a price to do the right thing.

[Discern]

They just have to tell us how "perfect and smart" the kids in their congregation are, which they do every time I talk about any problem I'm having with one of my daughters.

 

Actually they kept making comments about me at least letting my daughters go to kingdom hall with them just "to let them see how the other children act (how polite, how quiet, how respectful, blah, blah, blah!)".

 

ha that's so typical - touting how good the kids are as though it's proof that their religion is real. Their behaviour is a product of legalism and fear, rather than God. The mormons, for instance, like to gloat how low the divorce rate is among their members. But the real reason they don't divorce is that couples are scared stiff to divorce, because they fear the consequences. They will be shunned by friends, rejected by other members, talked about, rumored about, perhaps even ex-communicated. The social consequences within their community are too great to go through with a divorce.

I don't have much experience with JW's but it sounds like it's another very tight-knit community with similar consequences for those that 'sin' or disobey the rules.

 

I grew up in an abusive pentecostal church that ruled with legalism, forbidding TV and movies and such. Yes, the youth were all well-dressed and acted christian at church, but at the same time many were breaking the rules and getting punished for it. The atmosphere of the church would make it so people were afraid to admit they were having problems within themselves or with their kids. Everyone always had to put on a facade for fear of repercussions (you're in rebellion, full of unbelief, not measuring up to the standard, etc).

 

It also created a suppression within the youth. All these rules and do-not's build up in the teenagers until many of them 'backslide'. I'd hear stories how young people who left that church would party harder than anyone else - they would just go nuts because of all the repression.

 

Churches in general may instill some good moral values, but many times it's at the expense of legalism and abuse.

[JasperST4]

I don't have much experience with JW's but it sounds like it's another very tight-knit community with similar consequences for those that 'sin' or disobey the rules.

 

Churches in general may instill some good moral values, but many times it's at the expense of legalism and abuse.

The JWs are the legalistic champions of religion. If someone was caught smoking a cigarette, for example, they were "disfellowshipped" meaning not allowed into the church, functions or otherwise. That's also true if you saw someone smoking and didn't report them, even your mom.

[Free2Bme]

How about, "If you'll stop pushing your religious opinions we'll be fine." People treat you the way you train them to. If they do not stop spouting their foolishness (which could be harmful to children) just cut ties. You can't make things perfect but you can solve problems. Sometimes there's a price to do the right thing.

 

 

That may be what ends up happening. But I actually had the two hour conversation with them just to screw with their heads (I know, I'm naughty, hehehe). Sometimes the urge to just throw something back in someone's face gets the best of me and I can't resist.

If they decide to keep pushing it though, I will tell them to stop or face the the consequences (never seeing me or their granddaughters again!).

[Phanta]

I shared an office for over a year with a JW. She never even brought up the topic of religion. I think I found out she was JW because she didn't want to celebrate her birthday and I asked why and she told me she was JW. I also went to school with a couple JW kids. I found out they were JW pretty much the same way and they never talked about it otherwise.

 

I live in a house that used to be full of JWs. Now there are none there, but at least one of our neighbors thought (until our discussion) that we were still all JWs. I told him most of us in the house are pretty much atheist these days. I was surprised to hear that our house had a rep.