indoctrinated Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Instead of being manipulated by my minister I have just stood up to her. She was abusing her power, bullying me. For some time she has been "briefing" against me. Now I know how those politicians who are out of favour with New Labour must feel! She is a two-faced malicious *****! She most certainly does not practice what she preaches. This is not the first time that I have been bullied by a minister but it will certainly be the last. I have resigned as a preacher and, along with husband who fully supports me, have resigned my church membership. I am not sure whether I am yet an ex-Christian, but I am certainly ex-church. The worst thing about it is that most of my so-called friends will probably now avoid me. Not all of them will, I think. So I suppose this is an opportunity to see which friends were worth having and which ones I am better off without. Wish me luck. This is scary! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I don't think you should deem yourself ex-Christian on the basis of leaving church. It also should not be out of anger. It should be in response to these questions: Do I really believe the Bible is true? Do I really believe God exists as depicted in the Bible? Do I really believe that Jesus will come back again and rescue us? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I'm with Khan, but I also want to say congrats for standing up for yourself and whatever principle was at stake. Maybe this will give you a chance to really dig deeper into your faith or non-faith. Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I am not sure whether I am yet an ex-Christian, but I am certainly ex-church. The worst thing about it is that most of my so-called friends will probably now avoid me. Not all of them will, I think. So I suppose this is an opportunity to see which friends were worth having and which ones I am better off without. Wish me luck. This is scary! I'm sure you will find many friends here, even if you're not ex-christian, but only ex-church. (Guys play nice and behave now! ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest RichStPete Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 I'm sure you will find many friends here, even if you're not ex-christian, but only ex-church. Yes you will find friends here... It may take you time to cut loose but you and your husband are on the right course... This is the time you must not only test your relationship with your former "pastor" but you must also start questioning your faith.. Something tells me that you are at that point now.. Maybe I'm wrong but it's a gut instinct... Good luck in your search (edited by HanSolo: You started quoting me, and added your own text in there, so I broke out your part outside the quote. Cool?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trashy Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 I am not sure whether I am yet an ex-Christian, but I am certainly ex-church. The worst thing about it is that most of my so-called friends will probably now avoid me. Not all of them will, I think. So I suppose this is an opportunity to see which friends were worth having and which ones I am better off without. Wish me luck. This is scary! Yes it is scary. We left church after one particular pressure-filled never-ending "we need more money" Sunday. We were just glad to get a break and actually *rest* on Sundays. The rest became extended, and by the time we deconverted (about 5 years later) it wasn't much of a transition. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
queenie Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 It is scary. I was in your place about 5 1/2 years ago. While I initially felt overwhelming loneliness, in time, my circle of friends expanded and grew into a great group of people I have now. Christians, non-Christians...all kinds. My world has opened up and I couldn't be more grateful for it. The best part of it is that now you can listen to your own heart, your own head, your own experiences and your own traditions to formulate what direction you will go - what works for you. It's overwhelming and exciting all at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Change of any kind can be scary, especially if it's the life-changing sort. Go at your own pace, take the time to sit down and figure out exactly what you do believe and then go from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Good for you for standing up for yourself! Be careful, if you start reading up on your faith to figure out why you were a part of it in the first place.....something exciting and scary could happen. You'll start to think for yourself too! Always remember we are here, and that we've been in that unbalanced teetering moment where our whole belief systems changed! We don't all become atheists.....but we sure aren't christians either! Best of luck to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 indoctrinated... Good for you and your future, your family and immediate loved ones. You are stepping off into a place outside the comfortable paddock of sheepishness that the sectarians so demand. If it means anything, I admire and respect you for taking a stand for self determination and self appointed direction. It is important that when we set sail that we plan well to arrive. The time spent doing so is often as important as purpose of trip itself. kevin, mean_old_man, L. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indoctrinated Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 Thanks so much for the advice and support. I really appreciate it but at the same time I am devastated that when I need support I have to get it from a group of people I don't know. I had to leave because I felt I was going crazy. This minister was messing with my head. We would have a conversation and then she would later act as if it hadn't happened. She would twist things I had said to her. She says one thing to me in private, sometimes some very nasty things. Then to other people she tells lies. There's no way of dressing it up. She lies. And guess who is going to be believed in that situation? I no longer took the Bible literally. But I really wanted to believe all the love and community stuff. I have been there for other people in the church when they needed me and now I find I am completely isolated. This is so shattering. The worst thing of all is that the very same people who have not called to see if I am all right are probably praying patronisingly for me. I am so depressed. I trusted this minister. I thought these people were my friends. Thanks again for the support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
queenie Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Oh my...this is exactly what happened to me. A lying pastor - what the hell is wrong with these people? The feelings of betrayal in such a situation are so overwhelming - they sunk me into depression for quite a long time. Interestingly enough, though - I found my support in my immediate family and mostly...from people I didn't know. (Not here - I'm a newbie here, actually) But now, 5 years later, these people are some of the greatest friends I've ever had. Wherever the support comes - take it. It might just set you on a journey you never could have imagined. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 So I suppose this is an opportunity to see which friends were worth having and which ones I am better off without. Indeed. A friend is a friend no matter what happens (well, except you start to show painfully obviously that you don't want his friendship anymore... like screaming "Fuck off you bastard!!!" perhaps). If someone leaves you because of what you did, I wonder whether he's ever been a true friend from the start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Gods Fail Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Congrats on your stand, indoctrinated! Let me tell you, from my experience, your inner self probably told you you needed to get out of there. You were smart to listen! It may be scary, and you certainly might feel hurt and angry, but remember - you're on your way to a better life. Even if you don't become godless heretics like us(or pagans, or atheists, whatever), you're getting out of something bad and moving forward to where you want to be. Don't get discouraged! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuroikaze Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Thanks so much for the advice and support. I really appreciate it but at the same time I am devastated that when I need support I have to get it from a group of people I don't know. I had to leave because I felt I was going crazy. This minister was messing with my head. We would have a conversation and then she would later act as if it hadn't happened. She would twist things I had said to her. She says one thing to me in private, sometimes some very nasty things. Then to other people she tells lies. There's no way of dressing it up. She lies. And guess who is going to be believed in that situation? I no longer took the Bible literally. But I really wanted to believe all the love and community stuff. I have been there for other people in the church when they needed me and now I find I am completely isolated. This is so shattering. The worst thing of all is that the very same people who have not called to see if I am all right are probably praying patronisingly for me. I am so depressed. I trusted this minister. I thought these people were my friends. Thanks again for the support. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> You have my sympathy, not long after I had deconverted. I was still going to church out of respect for my parents because I lived with them at the time and I hadn't told them about walking away yet, and our family went through a similar thing. My dad was actually the decon in the church, and the pastor there lied to many people. When some things started looking like they didn't add up. My dad was asked to do some investigating and find out what was going on. When my dad found out some of the things the pastor was doing, and how much he had lied to the church my dad started pushing for his removal, but a lot of people liked the pastor because he had snowed them so well. Well eventually the pastor was kicked out, I had already quit going by that point, but my parents never felt welcome there again because there were many people there who still liked the pastor and blamed my mom and dad because they were the first ones to start pushing to get him out. After a couple of months my dad resigned from the decon position and they left the church to find a new one Personally I don't know why they bother, their live have been screwed over by the church as much as or more than mine has but they still hold on to it. I for one say you should stick to your convictions in this. The pastor of a church should be helping people, not tearing them down. Whats worse is those with children allow their kids to be taught by someone who is not honest. Yes, I'm sorry to say, many of your so called friends may leave you. They did me when I deconvereted. But your integrity is worth more than the so called friendships you had with them. You will find that there will be many people you will meet outside the walls of the church which you will be happy to call friend. I have fewer friends now than I did as a christian but I value them more because those friendships are much more real than most of the ones I had before were. I know its a tough thing to go through, but it shows a strength of character that you were willing to say "enough" and get up and walk out of that situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts