decafaholic Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I've posted here many times over the years about the relationship I had with my now-ex boyfriend. It just seemed appropriate to post here when I ended it. We had some good times, the sex was great (we're both freaks!), and yeah, I thought we'd grow old together, but the tension from our many differences finally built to the point I couldn't take it any more. The facts of our ethnic and religious differences were just the tip of the iceberg. We have very different emotional needs, our personalities are polar opposite, and most of all, I felt like I was losing myself trying to make him happy. The actual breakup was hell. I cried for the first few days, but it's been 5 days now, and I know I made the right decision. I'm much less anxious now than I was when we were together. I feel lighter. I went clubbing for the first time ever Friday night, and had a great time! Being single definitely has its challenges. Now that I'm out of college, I have no idea where to meet people. The adult world is so different from college. In this new, no-restrictions, single life, I'm starting all over figuring out who I am and what I want, but it's good. I think my best days are ahead of me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted March 7, 2011 Super Moderator Share Posted March 7, 2011 Congratulations! Doing the right thing can be painful, but it's still right. Enjoy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted March 7, 2011 Moderator Share Posted March 7, 2011 Congratulations! Doing the right thing can be painful, but it's still right. Enjoy! you know hon - I've been around for a while on this earth now and I can tell you from the relationships that I have been in - that's it is always much easier when two souls have common interests. Yes - opposites attract, but it can repel after the infactuation wears off. Make good choices in your coming future and take this time to concentrate on YOU right now! Go girl and have some FUN!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue elephant Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Opposites attract but similars stay together! So the old advice of taking night classes in something you are interested in is still good advice. This is an interesting piece of demographic analysis on the subject, using a longitudenal survey in Australia. The "What's love got to do with it?" study estimates that a quarter of relationships will end within six years and 50 per cent by 25 years. Dr Rebecca Kippen, Professor Bruce Chapman and Dr Peng Yu were the authors. http://www.melbourneinstitute.com/conf/hildaconf2009/Papers/Session%202C/Kippen,%20Rebecca_paper.pdf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oddbird1963 Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm glad you are happy with your decision (if "happy" is the right word). I wish the best for you. And you are right, with a positive attitude and by taking responsibility for your life and taking the initiative for self improvement the best days are ahead of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CelticWhisper Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Florduh is right - it can be horrifically painful but you need to do for you first. I was in a relationship with a complete basket case at my first college. Bipolar, entitled, rich-bitch daddy's girl who would fly into fits of rage at the slightest provocation if she didn't get her way, and who actually thought she could convert me (a then-Wiccan) to Catholicism on the sly without me even realizing it was happening. Being 18 and, apparently, a gullible dumbfuck, I let this go on for a year and a half before she finally crossed the line I couldn't handle being crossed - directly insulting my intelligence and saying I wasn't college material. It was HARD to resist the temptation to forgive her and take her back after I told her she could go find herself a more competent boyfriend but I managed and I'm wiser for it. Every relationship I've had since then has been better than the last and I've come away from them all a better person. All my subsequent partners have had parts of themselves, of their own wisdom, to offer me and that's made me more whole. The first one? Well, she had to offer the insight that some people have nothing worthwhile to offer. Funny, she liked this song by Savage Garden that had a line about "not being able to appreciate real love until you've been burned." Little did I know then... The worst is over, decaf. It gets easier from here and in time you'll sort it out, put it into the perspective of the big picture of your life, and figure out what this partner had to offer you. Take it, learn from it, grow with it. P.S. As for where to meet people, try the internet. Seriously. The stigma, if there ever was one, of online dating is long gone and I met my current girlfriend, as well as my previous one, online. I did use eHarmony which has Xian affiliations and refuses to match anyone but heterosexual people, a policy to which I object, but in my defense I didn't know the first time and I went back the 2nd time because their service did work, at least for me. You can also try Geek2Geek if you're a nerd like me, or OKCupid. I tried Match.com but nothing really panned out and the service seems kinda generic. The constant hawking of Dr. Phil's books was annoying too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melonies Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Thanks for posting that, decafaholic. One would think you would have needed encouragement, instead you're the one encouraging me by what you wrote. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monk Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Meeting people is harder than crap. Good luck. I tried the online thing, and while I don't think it's dangerous or anything, I DID find it a waste of time. I have no idea where to meet people. Then again, it's never been easy for me. Again, good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutate Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 How did he take it? I mean, did he ask you to stay with him or anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noggy Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Get into drugs. There is an entire subculture out there of people who are really good people, but live a bit outside of the law (drug usage). Stay away from the ones that are dangerous, hang around hippies. Research something thoroughly before taking it, but the drug community is similar to a church community. In the world but not of the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlphaToOmega Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Get into drugs. There is an entire subculture out there of people who are really good people, but live a bit outside of the law (drug usage). Stay away from the ones that are dangerous, hang around hippies. Research something thoroughly before taking it, but the drug community is similar to a church community. In the world but not of the world. And you think this is a good thing? Get real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScifiChick Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Get into drugs. There is an entire subculture out there of people who are really good people, but live a bit outside of the law (drug usage). Stay away from the ones that are dangerous, hang around hippies. Research something thoroughly before taking it, but the drug community is similar to a church community. In the world but not of the world. And you think this is a good thing? Get real. I have to agree. I mean, how about I replace what you said by recommending she get into legal drugs. Hey! Lots of people smoke and drink. You'll be one of the cool kids, and you'll meet all kinds of cool people. Just rather bizarre to be honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noggy Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Because legal drugs are bad for you. Lots of illegal ones are as well, but many of them are quite mind expanding. Look at LSD for example, there are no bad side effects (other than HPPD, which only occurs in people who take frequent high doses of the drug), and yet there is a large stigma attatched to it. The only thing LSD does is make you want to hug everyone and see rainbows everywhere for 10 hours. The governments anti-drug campaign is similar to the churchs bullshit as well. Very convincing, and no one seems to look into whether it is truthful or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlphaToOmega Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Legal drugs are bad for you. Illegal ones are good for you. Who would have thunk it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noggy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Legal drugs are bad for you. Illegal ones are good for you. Who would have thunk it. Well, tobacco is clearly bad for you. Alcohol is clearly bad for you. Have you ever looked into marijuana and its so called negative effects? Compared to the two previously stated drugs, the negative side effects are negligable. But it still remains illegal in most places in the world today. Drugs were legal and used often in all cultures (shamanism etc) over a long period of time, this "War on Drugs" is a relatively new thing. I suggest you look into it more before casting judgement on drug users. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlphaToOmega Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Alcohol is bad for you if you drink too much. So is water by that definition. Small quantities are produced naturally in the body. Smoking tobacco and smoking marijuana are both bad for your lungs. Yes I have researched smoking marijuana. It has risks regarding mental health. People are more prone to schizophrenic attacks smoking it as well as getting it. I know several people who have had this happen and cannot use it. I know others who have become delusional and paranoid from long term use. Its also addictive even though many people who smoke it like to claim it isn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noggy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 The only harm coming from it comes from inhaling hot plant matter. Marijuana is a white smoke, meaning it doesnt leave smoke damage and over a period of a few days your lungs will permanently heal. The schizophrenic links are only in people who are already predisposed to having it, so you should check your family history before dabbling in such things. It can be mentally addictive, but not physically addictive. So it's no more addictive than fatty foods or television. But this thread is not the place for this discussion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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